I'm A Sucker For Romance. . .Now

Things that struck me as sappy and way too sentimental a mere 4-5 years ago are now bringing me to tears. Not like "Crying at a long distance commercial" kind of tears, but the promo that's been running for The Office has made me giggle with delight for the last week. It was touching and I think everyone wants to hear sentiment like that being said. . .to someone else.

I refer to Julia Robert's character Vivian in Pretty Woman when she says"the bad stuff's just easier to believe" about yourself. I think the same goes for when someone is being romantic. If you don't have the best view of yourself at precisely that moment, the comment being made seems like a bad joke.

What do you mean that I've never looked better? I'm in sweatpants and a t-shirt with spaghetti sauce splattered over me.

It's that kind of comment that makes me doubt I'll ever be able to truly apply romantic notions to my own life. Nothing to do with Chef and his love, but more to do with my own issues. Isn't that the way it normally is?

However, I have come to appreciate romance in other people's life. Even if the people are fictional TV characters like Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly. So I was happy and cried and believed every sappy minute of Jim's love for Pam. It was awesome. It'll be even more awesome when she pops that kid out during February sweeps.

My Favorite Signs of Fall

For the first time this year, I felt it was fall. It was not only the lack of rain, but the crisp bite in the air while you're car's still warm inside from the day's sunshine. Here are some of my other favorite signs of fall:

• Football games that mean something. Once you're this far into the fall, College games get interesting because top teams aren't playing the little sisters of the poor and pro teams have either won or lost enough to either confirm or refute any predictions of the season.
  
• Pumpkin Spice Anything. Today I had my first pumpkin spice latte of the season. I also saw an ad for pumpkin spice candles, cupcakes, donuts and even beer. And I will probably buy them all because when you mix pumpkin with nutmeg, cinnamon and clove what you get is delicious and/or fragrant.
• Tall boots. I've got good legs and I know how to use them. Primarily in leather zip-up rockin' boots.
  
• After 120+ games, baseball is interesting again. The pennants were decided (for the most part) long ago, so now that the play offs are starting, it's time to start watching baseball again.
• Midnight Madness. The first official practice for NCAA Men's Basketball. Where hope springs eternal for Hoosier fans.
• Running in crisp mornings rock!It's too warm to run with a jacket and just cold enough that sweating provides comfortable relief.

Thank you mother nature. I used to think that Spring was my favorite season, but now I'm having second thoughts. . .

Good Thing I Was Already Wet

There are many things about Chef that I love. His ability to find nearly any TV show that I want to watch. The way he texts me and offers to cook dinner on a regularly basis. His ability to make me laugh at myself and others.

But he also has a habit of trying to make me cold. I'm not exactly sure why he does this other than his desire to watch me scream or wiggle in discomfort and surprise. But he does it. Whether it's with a cold coke can to the back, leg or any other available, exposed piece of skin or turning the shower knob to cold while I'm enjoying hot water. He does it.

Last night I knew he wanted to mess with me, so I thought I'd play it safe and lock the door to the bathroom while I took a shower. I highly underestimated his desire to get me. I turned off the water, got my towel, let Shower Buddy (aka Genghis) out of the bathroom, and when I opened the door, I got a bucket full of cold water thrown on me.

Keep in mind that he had to climb onto the outside bathroom counter and perch while I toweled off. Waiting like a little monkey, he then doused me with what was not a bucket, but our coffee maker's water resevoir. Lying in wait, plotting revenge, and terrorizing those who get in his way. I'm glad he loves me or I'd be in serious trouble.

I Thought We Got Cats. . .Not Dogs

Yup. It's going to be a quick cat blog. Mostly because one of our cats started doing something disturbing that had me thinking about all of our cats. We started with Genghis and soon enough all the cats were exhibiting dog-like behavior. Maybe all cats have similar traits, but I have yet to hear of it. Here goes:

• Genghis recognizes his name and comes when called.
  
• If Chef pats his legs, Genghis comes bounding across the room and hops into his lap to be pet.
  
• When you rub the couch or bed in a circular motion with your hand, Attila hops up and flops on his side. If you don't immediately start petting him, he then flips on his back and puts his paws in the air--like he's a true player.
• Lastly, because I know this list is getting boring. There's the issue of feminine hygiene products. Attila has an affinity for them. At first he just went into the trash and picked out whatever he could. Tampon, wrapper, pad, it didn't matter to him. So I started throwing them away in trash containers that were too high for him to stick his little snout into. Then he started going into my purse. It wasn't until all I saw was a tail sticking out of my bag that I realized he was digging in for my mobile stash of tampons. I zipped it up, but apparently I wasn't consistent because yesterday morning I woke up to a completely unwrapped unused tampon that had been carried through the house like a trophy. Maybe the string makes him think it's a mouse. Wait, he does that with pads too. Never mind. We're thinking of getting Attila counseling.
  

Things I Remember When I Have A Drink

Last night I went to Lime with my friend Greg. We get together every couple of months and chat about things that don't matter or chat about things that do matter and generally just enjoy each other's company. Because of the focus on fitness that I've had lately, I don't get out and have a cocktail or beer very often any more. However, when I do I suddenly remember things that I had forgotten, such as:

• I like drinking. Not to alcoholic extremes, but a good beer after a long day or a glass of wine at dinner really can melt away some top of mind concerns, even if it's only for the duration of the glass's contents.
• I'm not as dumb, ugly, pathetic, mean, bitchy, evil, or insignificant as I thought I was. Not that I've got major self-confidence issues, but whatever doubting thoughts are in the back of my mind bury themselves even deeper after a good mojito.
• People are interesting to watch. Especially in bars. Check out the subtle leaning in of one person in a conversation or the out of place track suit top in a bar where the women dress up in hopes of catching a cute or rich-- or preferrably both--man. (Notice I didn't say nice. Nice doesn't tend to get a lot of play when alcohol is involved. Just a word of advice for the single dudes out there).

I think these were many of the same reasons that daytime drinking was the norm in the 50s and 60s (or maybe it wasn't the norm, but Mad Men has me convinced that I need a bottle of scotch, an ice bucket and glasses in my office). Either way I enjoyed my Xingu beer and the company even more so. And both were needed.

Little Luxuries Get the Ax

Chef and I have slowly been taking inventory of what we've been spending lately. It's not that unusual seeing as most of the country is thinking of ways to save . Advertising lately is less about spending and more about products positioning themselves as the better buy.

What I realized is that our budget is kind of like my eating habits. When I don't keep track of it closely, it goes out of control until two weeks later I'm left with cupcake crumbs around me and a lighter wallet. We don't spend like crazy because we're not millionaires, but we also don't do things like vacation. So we've let our "little luxuries" take the place of big purchases, which is also a bad habit to get in to.

In an effort to cut, we've had rousing discussions around our cable bill. Mostly because Comcast sticks it to me by making ESPN only available on the full basic cable. I mean, it's one of the most popular channels and we can get everything BUT ESPN for $10 less a month, but they're milking suckers like me that don't want to miss Monday Night Football or who like to fall asleep watching SportCenter.

But the luxury that I thought was going to be the hardest was cutting our name brand groceries. Primarily the carbonated beverages. I'm a sucker for cold bubbles tickling my nose with a combination of sweet chemicals and deliciousness, but am mostly a sucker for the name brands. Since I've cut a lot of major sweets out of my diet, diet drinks are one of the things that satisfy my sweet tooth. But I digress.

In the swap, my favorite thing about buying store brand cola, aside from saving about $10 a week on drinks alone, are the names. I'm currently shopping Kroger so these are all Kroger brand, but if you have any suggestions, let me know. Here are some of my favorite new drinks and my opinion:

• Diet Dr. K (aka Diet Dr. Pepper--all doctors hang out together): sweet, really sweet and lacking the pepper bite at the end, but not a bad substitute.
• Diet Citrus Drop (ala Diet Mountain Dew?): this one doesn't really know what it's supposed to be. Is it Diet Mountaint Dew, Diet Sprite, Fresca? Or maybe it's like the diet cirtus version of a suicide that I used to get after softball games when I was younger. Nothing quenches the thirst of a kid who's just played sports like a little bit of RC, Big Red, Mello Yello, and Diet Rite mixed together.
• Big K Oh! (aka Coke Zero): My favorite thing about this drink is the exclamation point at the end of it's name. It's so excited to be added to the line up. Honestly, it's the best drink that I've found so far, so I'm pretty excited about it too.

What's your favorite off-brand product?

Can it be Friday Now?

I know it's Sunday. I enjoy Sundays. Watching football all day and getting to see the Colts play because they or the Titans are on a featured game. Trust me I love Sundays.

But for about a month now I've had my weekends eaten up by work, personal obligations or both. Not like I have to bring home my computer kind of work, but a "I have to be there for three hours" kind of work.

Add to that sleepless nights (not in Seattle but the constant rain here the last week has made it feel like we're living a northwestern lifestyle) and you've got one mentally, physically and emotionally drained girl. . .with this Friday off. I'm not big on wishing my life away but i'm also not big on not recharging my batteries.

So, one more small event, several self-imposed deadlines, two other deadlines, and it's a long slumber on Friday morning for me!

Until then I'll enjoy the few hours of my Sunday night and root hard for my colts.

Well, it was Hell AND High Water...but mostly lightning

Woke up last night at 1 a.m. Then 2 a.m. Then 3 a.m. and then every 5 minutes until the alarm finally went off at 4 a.m.

The rain was loud, but it was the lightning that cancelled the Nashville Start! Heart Walk today for the first time in its 15+ year history. Big Bummer! I feel disappointed for our volunteers who put so much time and energy into raising funds and helping out. I feel really disappointed for our staff who devote nearly a year of their time to pull off the day.

That being said I'm tired of my feet being wet. And my legs. And the chill running through my body. Ready for a warm shower and some football this afternoon before trying again tomorrow to reach out to kids about health at the Vanderbilt We Care For Kids Day event. Mother Nature apparently cares more for kids than hearts, because it's supposed to be beautiful tomorrow for the first time in a week.

That being said the offer still remains for the person who puts me at or over the top on my Start! Heart Walk fundraising campaign will receive a copy of the picture of me in a bee suit like the one donned by the little girl in the old school Blind Melon "No Rain" music video. I'm only a little ways from my personal goal!

Come Hell or High Water. . .Or Perhaps Both

This Saturday is the Nashville Start! Heart Walk and why we're praying for some Blind Melon-type inspiration*, it might be baptism by nature. There are only two things worse than getting a downpour of cold rain while you're required to be outside:

1. Not hitting my Heart Walk goal. I'm only about $75 dollars away now, so any help you give me would be very appreciated!! Please help me not have to walk with my head down in shame for an entire year.
2. Having to wash cars outside in October. While my team (the fozzie bear inspired Walka Walkas) have admirably raised more than $3,400, it is still about $2,400 behind the Walker Nashville Rangers. So unless anyone wants to write me about a $5,000 check, it looks like I'm going to have a frozen booty as I'm scrubbing my co-workers tires. (I'll be sure to post pictures of it after I've recovered from the impending pneumonia).

Either way, if you live in Nashville, I highly encourage you to come out (rain or shine) and walk with us. We'll be on Vanderbilt's campus from 8 a.m. to 10 a.m., walk at 10 and then have more fun until about noon. Honor loved ones who have passed away from heart disease, live with it now or just walk to prevent you from getting heart disease yourself!

Come say hi. I'll be in the Kid-tastic! Get Active area. See you Saturday!

*The Blind Melon reference is to their hit song "No Rain" which featured a girl dancing in a bee costume. I myself have pictures at about 6 years old in an identical bee costume for a dance recital. I will send a copy of the picture to the person who donates to put me over the top of my individual goal.

Reasons Why I Want to Be Tina Fey

With 30 Rock taking home some well deserved Emmys again this year and prepping for the beginning of the new season, I thought it was about time that my love of Tina Fey --well, more than love--my wishing to be her--was laid out on the line.

There are, of course, the obvious reasons--money, fame, accolades. All of those are nice enough, but here are some of the real reasons that I wish I was Tina Fey:

• She began as a writer and only then moved into acting, and I think most writers secretly wish they'd get tapped to come out from behind the page.
• People who mistake her for Tammy Faye would respond that she looks so much younger without the make-up (side note: I saw a seemingly homeless man the other day wearing a t-shirt that read "I ran into Tammy Faye at the Mall" with what seemed to be make-up without the face below it. It tickled and saddened me to think that the man had the shirt so long it had become so outdated it was now kitchy.)
• Despite the real story, she can still act like the scar on her face was from a cool gang fight.
• I too have confidence that outweighs my looks and abilities-so well done to my parents too!
• Working with Alec Baldwin would allow me to ask what he calls his daughter now that his voicemail to her is stuff of Internet folklore.
• Lorne Michaels was seen with Paul McCartney and Jack Nicholson at a Yankees game sitting behind the backstop. Just to know someone who could afford to those seats would be nice.
• I want to be my own description of hot (For example, "Tina Fey hot" refers to food that doesn't seem so hot in the beginning, but the longer it's with you, the hotter it gets -- that was coined by the "commissioner" of the competitive eating league and was just good enough to get stolen.)
• If I could come up with just 1/10th of her one-liners, I could write the best stuff.

Those are just a few reasons for now, but my adoration continues. Not in a creepy stalker way, but more in the "admire you from afar" way that I became so familiar with in high school. If you want to adore Tina Fey (and you do whether you know it or not), I suggest picking up the first season of "30 Rock" and then going from there. You're welcome.

You're Not Fooling Me, Wendy's!

Seeing as it's football season, I tend to see the same commercials several times a day. Lately, I've been seeing Wendy's talking about their 40th anniversary and how they're celebrating by offering us four all-time favorites for 99 cents each.

Look, I'm all for deals and steals, but don't try to tell me that a double stack for 99 cents is a huge deal. Because it's on the Super Value Menu for 99 cents every damn day whether it's Wendy's 40th anniversary or not. So are the sour cream and chive baked potato, chili and frosty that are being touted as HUGE deals.

I realize that other parts of the nation do not have the standard 99 cent Value menu that our Wendy's does, but I doubt that getting a 20 cent break (as I have yet to see a Wendy's Super Value menu at over $1.19 per item) is driving the customers out in droves.

So instead of selling me four items for exactly the same price as any other time of year, how about offering them at 40 cents each (makes sense with the 40th anniversary)? Too steep a price cut? Do it for a day or week or make it happen with the purchase of a regularly priced item. I know that people are looking for any deal possible, but seriously Wendy's, I love your square burgers and dipping fries into my Frosty, but nothing is less appetizing that eating a load of bull.

I run for myself, I walk for my breasticles

Last night I went for a run at 9 p.m. after a nice Greek dinner with my stepdad and his girlfriend. I realized at that time that I was running for myself. It felt good. I also realized that while it took several years for the message to sink in, I work at the American Heart Association for myself. It's my own health that I'm trying to inspire and support and that selfishly hearing so many people's stories are my own daily affirmations to keep going.

However, this morning I did something for my boobs. Well, not just my boobs, but everyone's boobs and mostly in memory of my mother. Some of you don't know that I lost my mother to breast cancer nine years ago when she was only 52. Every year my stepdad and I get together and walk the 5K in my hometown in Indiana in her honor. I pin on the neon pink "I Race in Memory Of" card where I've scrawled "My Mom- Terri Winternheimer."

The first year was awful. I couldn't even turn around without seeing someone I knew and I luckily had friends and family that helped me through it (Shout out to Manders and her family for helping me keep it together--also a pleasant memory of Jill Hoffman who sadly also passed away way too young from cancer).

This morning was better. Nine years and a little more hometown anonymity made things earier. While I listened with great intent, I couldn't let myself get too attached. I still have some anger that cancer got the best of my mom because few things did. I listened as the racers rejoiced with the 909 area survivors and thought "I wish there were 910." I don't know if I'll ever get over it. But what was also nice was that just before we crossed the finish line, a woman tapped me on my shoulder and said "I knew your mom. She was a great lady who's missed." It was a random act, but it touched me a lot.

It makes me wonder as I prepare for the Nashville Heart Walk next weekend how many of our walkers will reach out to each other and share a memory. While I'm deeply touched by the Komen Walk, there's nothing that has made my heart stop faster than seeing one and two year old child heart survivors. And so in the end, while I lace up my sneakers and run every day for my heart and for me, I'm glad that I took some time to walk for my breasticles. And I encourage everyone to find a cause they care for to experience a walk because if anything else, it lets you know that you aren't alone.

Where has the time gone?

Five years ago today I walked into MacDougal's Coop for some chicken and ended up finding the love of my life. Five years ago today I met Chef.

I don't think either of us really knew that we'd have had such an impact on each others' lives as we've had. I kind of laughed today as I got drenched with rain as it was raining that day as well. You'll have to excuse my mushy nostalgia as I'm rarely either mushy or nostalgic.

However, we met, we fought, we loved and five years later, we're still by each other sides. The things I appreciate most about him are that he supports and motivates me more than any person I've ever known. Whether it's in my career, in my weight loss goals or in my writing, he's always the positive influence that keeps me going. Tonight I told him how my mother used to be that role when I was younger and that I felt lost for several years without someone constantly urging me to do more and feeling their pride. When he stepped into that role, I never really comprehended how much I missed and needed it.

So for everything I've accomplished in the last five years and everything to come, I thank Chef. Without him, I'd be complacent. With him, I strive for more.

Thanks for indulging my ramblings of love. Now it's back to celebrating.

The Trouble With Fantasy Football

In my fantasy, I have the entire roster of the Indianapolis Colts. Because in my head, win or lose, they are the players I'd like to have on the field (even Anthony Gonzalez who crumpled in the first quarter of the first game without being touched).

In reality, I get stuck with players that I loathe--at least one or two and am then forced to root for them despite my personal feelings. Putting personal feelings aside is something I have to do constantly in the work world. Having to do it in my leisure time is just toying with my natural instincts.

Last year, I was forced by the laws of my competitive nature to cheer on Tony Romo, Randy Moss, Jason Witten and the Baltimore Ravens defense even though I think Romo can't perform in the clutch, Moss is an egomaniacal selfish receiver, Witten is a Cowboy (enough said) and the Ravens defense has Ray Lewis.
This year my main point of contention is Phillip Rivers. He's known for being a hot-head, he's always trash talking, and he beat the Colts in the play offs last year. Is there anything else that needs to be said? The dude gets on my last nerve and now I have to depend on him to anchor my team or be reduced to the depths of last place. It's playing my real life convictions against my fantasy one. It's like having to kill a friend in an online game to get ahead.

At what point does my loyalty come into question? Is it when the Colts play the Chargers or only if they're both in contention for a wild card play off spot? So many questions. It keeps me up at night. A new thing to add to the list.

You Know the Economy's Bad . . .

When one of the only two things that are certain to happen in life feel the need to discount their services. It's death and taxes, right? Well, aparently there's worry around here that people will start lighting their loved ones afire in Hefty bags or digging plots in their back yards before shelling out the dough for funeral costs.

A bus bench advertisement for "Quality Caskets for Less" cries out desperation in my book. There aren't any less deaths because of the economy, right? It's a pretty steady demand industry.

And if any of you have been in the unfortunate situation where you've had to buy a casket, you know that they aren't angling to get you to buy the cheapest one. In fact, in my limited but scarring experience, the upsell factor was one that equated love with a high end casket and copper lined casing.

Funeral homes and their owners give me the creeps.

Things to Remember When I Visit Indiana

I left Friday afternoon to make the nearly 3 hour trek north to Indiana to visit family. For a long time, I used to say that I was going home for the weekend. However, despite my undying love for the Hoosier state and a good portion of the inhabitants in it, it is no longer "home." I think we all get to the point where we've made our own homes and it's weird, but a necessary part of life.

That being said I visited Indiana and made the rounds of most of the places I wanted to visit. I did not, however, get the stop to visit my Grandma Wrye on her birthday on Saturday like I had planned. For that, I say Grandma if you're reading this 1) Happy Birthday! I love you and 2) I'm coming back through next weekend and have made visiting you my top priority.

Okay, so back to the visit. I was going to Indiana to visit my Aunt from Florida (it's closer to Indiana than Florida, that's why) and each time I go back I pick up different things that I hadn't noticed before. This time I noticed the things in Indiana that I don't see a lot of anymore:

• Lots of artificial flowers. I'm not talking the arrangements that can be mistaken for real, but those that have glue drops on them to look like water just hit the leaves. Or roses in a blue color not found in nature.
• Wallpaper with border. I had it and loved it when I was growing up and I'm not opposed to wallpaper, but having stripped it and then repainted, I have taken a wallpaper celibacy vow. I know you feel me on this one. At least those of you who've steamed, stripped, sanded, spackled, primed and painted.
  
• Mall rats. I don't hit the malls here a lot, but there were a LOT of them in da ville. However, with about 40% of the stores catering to the teen crowd (I never realized there were so many stores that sold cheaply made graphic printed clothes), I guess if you build it, it will come.
• Lack of coffee options--there are a few places that serve good coffee (Briar and the Bean, anyone?), a few places that serve bad coffee (McDonald's) and about 2 that serve consistent coffee (Starbucks). None of which are open past 9 p.m.
• Other than the obvious places (downtowns, previously designed subdivisions) there weren't a lot of sidewalks. This made running a new adventure in making sure I didn't get run over.
  

Despite all this, let's be clear: Indiana is not the middle of nowhere. People are pretty plugged in to the goings on of the world and then choose whether or not to care. And when it comes down to what's important to making a home, it really is the people. Which is really why I keep going back, the people. Not the ability to get a skinny caramel latte at midnight (although that is pretty nice).

Things That Keep Me Up At Night

Random thoughts that go through my head as I'm trying desperately to push them out and go to sleep:

• Does Tom Brady think he out kicked his coverage by marrying Gisele Bundchen?
• Where do companies that SPAM come up with the weird ass names they put in the "from" line?
• Why don't I have an undying urge to have children? Or even any urge?
• Why doesn't ProActiv asked Peyton Manning to be their newest spokesperson? He gets some raging Chin strap acne during season.
• How would my 10 year old self respond if I told her what I'm doing as an adult?
• Is there still hope for me and Matt Damon to get together. . .even if it's as some kickin' senior citizens?
• If we died, how long would it take before Genghis and the cats ate us?
• Why does my fantasy football team seem to suck so much more this year than last?
• Is there a way to make Cake Batter ice cream at home?
• How much do stand up comedians make per year? Could I get just as much emjoyment just being friends with a comedian?
• Will midgets (aka Little People) ever be able to ride roller coasters? (Yes, even 10 years later, this one still crosses my mind).
• Why can't I ever find figs at my grocery store when I want some bacon-wrapped figs?
• Will I ever be able to afford Manolo Blahniks? If I am, will I ever be able to overcome the Midwestern sensibility instilled me in to actually pull the trigger and buy them?
• What happened to the characters of "Gilmore Girls" after the series finale? (Sometimes I make up happy endings for them all in little vingiettes in my head. Sometimes the whole town of Stars Hollow goes up in smoke. )
• At what age did I officially become old enough to hear the worries and problems of my elders? Can I go back before that time so I can live in oblivion again?
• Whatever happened to . . . (fill in the blank with an old product like 'Get in Shape Girl' toys or an old acquaintance that resists facebook)?

So, that's a tiny peek into my world of crazy. Hope you enjoyed your time here. Come back again tomorrow night as I lay in bed and try to play out the entire Colts-Jaguars game before it happens.

I Want Your Opinion. . .

Which is scarier: Martha Stewart's Halloween cover of Jennifer Lopez? Didn't we get rid of both of these ladies with the Bush administration?

At Least I don't Have a Year Old Rotting Pumpkin in My Living Room

When I was feeling sorry for myself in the past, I was able to pull myself out of the funk by qualifying my life. Thinking "At least I don't have cancer or heart disease or some other ailment that requires a national non-profit to combat" or "at least I still have a job" or "At least I have full use of all my limbs".

However, lately the old stand by qualifiers don't seem to be doing the trick. I think part of it is that we've all been held hostage by the economy for the last year (or more) and so we're suffering some kind of mass Stockholm Syndrome that makes us think that there's not a lot more that can be done that would be all that bad. Heck, the economy is now our friend. We should listen to it when it says take out a huge ass mortgage on a teacher's salary. Oh, wait that's how it lured us in the first place.

It wasn't until watching "Hoarders" last night as I was trying to fall asleep that I finally found a qualifier statement that I'm fairly certain will last me at least until the housing boom starts up again. The show is as creepy as it is great, but it made me realize that no matter how dirty my house gets and how cluttered it may be, there's never going to be a time where having a year old rotten pumpkin lying in the middle of my living room floor can be rationalized.

So, can't sleep?
No, but at least I don't have a year old rotten pumpkin on my living room floor.

Work suck?
Maybe, but it doesn't suck nearly as much as having a year old pumpkin lying on my living room floor.

Gain a pound?
Sure, it happens. But at least I didn't gain 5 pounds of rotting pumpkin mush on my living room floor.

Yep, I'm pretty sure this is going to last me a while. Thanks, "Hoarders".

I Don't Shower Alone Anymore

About two months ago, I got a Shower Buddy. I didn't know that I wanted one. Most showers are built for one because adding more than one would require another to stand in the cold by themselves and hope that the other tires of the massive amounts of hot water hitting them. Not that I know from experience. I'm just surmising from my single-serve shower time.

Nonetheless, I've gained a Shower Buddy. He's compact, furry and slightly horrified at the idea of getting wet, so really he's the perfect partner. I call him Doodles, which is short for Genghidoodle which is a bastardization of his given name: Genghis. As soon as he hears the water turn on, he does his little cat scamper from anywhere else in the apartment and jump between the fabric and plastic shower curtains.

Then Genghis goes to town. He sits on the tub ledge and proceeds to swat the liner curtain until he can get a mouthful. That's his time to sharpen his little kitten teeth and puncture holes in the liner. Then Genghis waits for the water to hit and tries to drink from the newly formed holes. The first time he did this, it was cute. It lost it's cuteness when he was pinning the shower curtain against my (or Chef's) leg and sinking his teeth into curtain and flesh.

It regained its cuteness when he corrected the biting behavior. However, now the curtain liner feels like a Braille version of Tale of Two Cities. I'm fairly certain I felt "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times." the other day when I was wiping it down.

So it comes down to whether it's more cute to have a Shower Buddy or a fully functioning, non-leaking liner. And the winner is. . .

Shower Buddy, you're the one. You make Showers lots of fun. . .

I Lost Weight so I Baked a Cake

This morning I hopped on the scale for the first time in a week or so. I hadn't been avoiding the scale, but I hadn't been trying real hard to lose weight in the last week. Ever since the contest ended, I was supposed to take a day or two to enjoy and then hop back on the horse. That hasn't been the case. I haven't gone hog wild, but I've only cut a few hundred calories a day from my diet instead of the usual 500-600.

That being said I got on the scale and saw that staring back at me was a number I have never seen as an adult. It was officially 0.8 pound lower than my lowest. Not a lot, granted, but hopefully enough to get over my self-sabotage.

To celebrate I got an instant craving for white cake and white icing. It was not enough to be denied. So, I did not partake in the ice cream at a social event and instead decided to spend $2.50 to bake a reduced sugar cake. After licking some batter, licking some frosting and have a small piece, I think that I'm over the cake thing. Tomorrow might be a different thing where I crave the sugar high, but either way.

After about 3 weeks, maybe I am getting motivated enough to bust through the plateau. Or maybe I am destined to eat cake batter off of the mixer attachment until I always remain at this weight. Either way, I'm happy.

My Saturday Ritual

If I would've known myself two years (or more) ago, I probably would've not liked myself a whole lot. That's not true. I would've liked myself until I started mentioning calories and exercising and then in my head I would've thought "rub it in my face, bitch."

Mostly I say that because I've started getting up when Chef does on the weekends. He gets up at 4 or so to get into work (he preps until the restaurant opens). I get up and go running. That's right. Not only is my ass up before the sun, but it's up and running. I started doing this a few months ago when it got blazing hot and I was reluctant to run past sun up.

So now, I get up, run, feed the cats, empty litter boxes, take a shower and then curl back up into bed knowing that I have 4 more hours of sleep. Seriously, perhaps it's working against itself, but getting up and then knowing you have plenty more time to sleep is a luxury that I never knew existed. Sometimes I take advantage and sleep. Other times I take advantage and watch horrible chick flicks that I know Chef wouldn't care to see. Either way, I'm the winner.

When I finally get up, I vacuum. Four cats and despite the fact that three don't shed very much, one does and that's enough. So, vacuum, eat some cereal (all done in my underwear) and wait for Chef to come home. However, underwear has become a problem this week.

We don't have the luxury of a washer/dryer or hook ups. We do, however, have pay machines a mere 50 yards away. They require quarters and in this day and age of debit cards, I rarely have the silver. We got the majority of our clothes washed with a roll I got at the bank last week, but Chef forgot to wash my undies (I'm thinking this was not an accident). So, I'm in those last few pairs that are smashed under a bra that fit 80 pounds ago. Luckily, (and this is probably too much info, but I'm going for it) these are undies that I bought in a sentimental state. They look like Underoos. Supergirl Underoos nonetheless. It was kind of liberating to have them on under my suit pants the other day. Gave me a boost of confidence.

Underwear aside, I then spend the majority of my Saturdays hanging out with Chef. Today we watched movies and ate Hungry Girl Kung Pao Chicken (delicious). Of course, my time is limited as he goes to bed early to accommodate his work schedule (he doesn't have the extra four hour luxury). I better get back to my spot on the couch before the other lady fo the house (Mila) takes my spot on Chef's lap.

Happy Long Weekend, People!

An extra day to lay around and do nothing?!?! It must be my birthday. Nope, it's Labor Day. I've got a book to read, one to write and recipes to cook. Hungry Girl released an email filled with a cheese-lover's dream of low-cal, extra creamy cheese-rific dishes.

Cheese leads me to think about The Biggest Loser. I mean, it's been off the air for like a month, it's about time to get back on the air, dammit. What's that? It premieres on Sept. 15th? Hot damn.

Has anyone else noticed that holiday weekends have gotten progressively longer the last couple of years? Is it the economy or just pure burn out? Either way, it seems like more and more people are taking more time off around 3-day weekends--officially or unofficially. Our office was quite depleted today, but I'm not complaining. I actually got things done without pop-ins and email interruptions. If only I could be that productive on the average Wednesday. I'm just saying.

Okay, off to bed to dream of cheese. Or Mike Rowe. Or Mike Rowe covered in cheese. Delicious.

Sometimes Labels Tell You Too Much. . .about Bowel Movements

This morning I was going to town on a Kellogg's Fiber Plus Bar and I noticed the New User Warning that read: "Increase your fiber intake gradually. Gastrointestinal discomfort may occur until your body adjusts."

It's not every meeting where you start to think about gastrointestinal discomfort, but once you start, it's hard to get the train back in the station. Here are some related and random thoughts:

• Immediately I pictured the old Saturday Night Live faux commercial for Colon Blow. And of course, Super Colon Blow.


• In college, Amanda, Anne and I kept track of our use of the "No. 2" bathroom with a tally chart. The first week was the control and we were supposed to use metamucil the second week, but we never got that far. We did learn, however, that I pooed on a much regular basis than they did, so from then on out I had to buy more toilet paper when it was my turn to buy for the house.


• Again, in college, I thought buying the Olean filled BBQ Potato chips would save me so much fat and calories that the pounds would just melt off. They did not. I did, however, consume too many for my bowels and did not have a proper "New User" warning.


• I still strive for Gillian McKeith's perfect poo.

I know that food is kind of like clothes where things go through cycles. For a long time, "Chipotle" was the hot topic. Now, it seems to be Fiber and I'm totally down with that. In fact, it got me thinking back to my childhood and Kellogg's "Fruit & Fibre" cereal (still sold in the UK!).

So while there are some trends that I'm just not down with (Maxi Dresses--I'm talking to you and your cuteness that's only suitable for tall people), I can hang with the fiber. Or Fibre. Whatever you prefer.

Taquitos are a good time

Lately we've been having taquitos at least once a week--sometimes more if we run out of dinner options. Tonight is taquito night this week and it left me thinking a few things.

• Is there really such a thing as a taquito or was it made up by the frozen food companies because frozen tacos suck? I got my answer.
• Isn't a taquito just a smaller version of an chimichanga? Isn't a chimichanga a fried version of an enchilada? Isn't an enchilada an open ended version of a burrito? Is there any Mexican food that isn't a derivative of another dish?
• Avocado is a god-like food that can be smeared on nearly anything edible to make it delicious. It's becoming my slightly healthier version of cheese in that sense.

Anyway, because I've been asked before, I'll post my "recipe" for taquitos, which really isn't a recipe, but just a tested method of making these things healthier and still very crispy. Here goes:

1. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees and place one to two cookie sheets in to warm up (I hate you Sandra Lee, but I love this tip).
2. Brown some ground turkey (yes, turkey) then add water, taco seasoning, garlic, paprika, red pepper flakes, minced onion, cayene pepper and whatever else you like until it tastes how you'd like it. Honestly the taco seasoning does a lot of the work, but I like making it a little spicier.
3. Next take about 5 taco size corn tortillas and place them between two moist paper towels. Nuke them for one minute. Okay, here's my corn tortilla sidebar: I have a preference for Kroger brand corn tortillas (and I rarely have a preference for anything related to Kroger) for three reasons: 1) They are only 35 calories per tortilla as opposed to other grocery stores (Harris Teeter I'm talk to you) that have about 50+ calories per tortilla 2) They're cheap--like 70 cents for a pack of 10 and 3) they seem to roll better than other brands-no idea why.
4. After the tortillas are warm, take one and slice it in half. Have both pieces with the long side facing you on a cutting board and put in the ground turkey and , if you like, a small pinch of cheese. Warning--make sure the ground turkey is in small bits because a chunk might make the roll impossible.
5. Roll up and push down to get to stick. Roll as many as desired--10-15 per person should be plenty for a meal.
6. Take cookie sheet out of the oven and spray with Olive Oil flavored Pam. Place taquitos on pan in rows and spritz tops with Olive Oil Pam. Bake for about 5-10 minutes--until slightly brown. Then flip and bake for an additional 3-5 minutes. Taquitos are now crispy and delicious.

Ten taquitos are about 375 calories without guacamole or salsa. Not too bad a way to be bad. Mmm, now I'm hungry. Okay, spread the love of taquitos, people.

Sure Signs You're Middle Class

Last night I went to a work shindig. It was very lovely and accomplished many things including rallying some very influential movers and shakers around the cause. However, when that many high powered people are in one room, it makes me realize just how staunchly entrenched in the middle class that I am. Here are some ways I knew:

• When one guest mentioned wanting a pool, I immediately threw out there "Yeah, but the upkeep is horrendous" before realizing that they probably won't be touching pool chemicals or a sweeper ever.
• None of my stories begin with "We were taking this quick jaunt up to Chicago in our private plane, and. . ."
• I had to explain to the valet the best way to get into my 14 year old car. (It only unlocks from the passenger side, God love it.)
• I can't relate to taking a business trip. . .to Japan or hosting the Australian Trade Commissioner for dinner.

However, that's what I love about sports. No matter how rich or poor a person, they can all become instant friends or enemies in the matter of one question: Who's your favorite team?

One Reason I'm Glad That Summer's Almost Over

I think most of you know that I'm an avid sports fan. That being said I multitask each morning by watching Mike & Mike on ESPN 2 while I get ready. While Mike & Mike rocks, it puts me in a demographic to watch stupid life jacket PSAs every morning. Look, I get and understand the importance of wearing a life jacket. I just don't need a teenager preaching to me at 7 in the morning. Especially not one that's about 3 feet tall.

So while I don't look forward to cold weather, I am ready for the Wear It Tennessee! commercials to come to an end.

Check it out and give me your opinon.

Things I Learned from Last Night's Keith Urban Concert

Last night I went to the Sugarland/ Keith Urban concert at the Sommet Center. I'm not a live music person which is sacrilege in Nashville, but the ticket was free, in a suite, and the company promised to be fun as well. Besides, there's no better place to country music, pop country or old school, than in the town that celebrates it in its every boot scuff and lilting twang accent.

It was a good show. Anyone that can play for two hours with but a minute or two break is truly earning some money. It was entertaining for sure, but I'd have say that I dig Sugarland a little more than Keith Urban. Plus I was resentful that he didn't even mention Nicole Kidman at all.

That being said, here are some things I noticed:

• Every woman there--from the young to the more mature--was dressing as if they expected Keith to see them and instantly know he was meant for them. Which is a little bewildering when he has a notoriously famous and beautiful wife who bore him a child. And little creepy when you consider that if you brought a recovering coke addict accountant home, your family wouldn't have a great response, but Keith Urban-hell yeah.
  
• To have be a hit in country music, you must have at least one song in your catalog about skipping work and staying in bed with your lover. It's obligatory. People eat that shit up.
• Guitarists truly are enamored with having something large come from their crotch. Keith Urban is a HELL of a guitarist. More than I've probably ever taken the time to notice or give credit for. However, one hazards to guess that those calluses don't come solely from his pickin' if you know what I mean.
• Are the expectations of a country love song a little out of reach with reality? I mean if Chef started spewing some of the things that are in these lyrics, I think I'd have a hard time taking him seriously. Also, it made me think Keith Urban was a little but of a pussy. I'm just saying.
• The older I get, the more curmudgeonly I get and think that I'm turning into my father (not that that's entirely a bad thing). I found myself thinking "Stop letting the crowd sing. If I wanted to hear that, I'd step down to the karaoke bar and listen to these drunk bastards later tonight." and the classic "Why are you singing someone else's songs? I didn't come to hear someone else. I came to hear you sing YOUR songs."

Overall, it was a good night with great company and what I needed. Now I need a lazy day and some additional grocery shopping.

Dreaming of Mike Rowe

Last night was repeated proof that I watch too much Dateline and 48 Hours and other related news murder mystery shows. I fell asleep with a Dateline on about a swindling Indianapolis man (Purdue graduate, of course) who faked his own death to avoid creditors. However, my subconscious took me in another more pleasant direction.

I was dreaming of trying to hook my girlfriend (Amanda, shout out to you) up with my ex-boyfriend, who just happened to be Mike Rowe. For those of you not familiar, he's from the Discovery Channel's Dirty Jobs and those Ford Commercials (see picture below). However, instead of him hooking up with her, we ended up back together. He got down on his knee to propose just as he got a phone call. The phone call lead to a helicopter taking him away.

Just as I was wondering what was going on, Amanda explained to me that Mike's first wife had disappeared 10 years ago from "Indianapolis County, FL" ( I even saw a map in my head like it was on Dateline) and that they just had a lead on her whereabouts. "How could you have dated him before and not know that?" Amanda asked me in my REM state.

Then I woke up.

While any dream with Mike Rowe is a step in a positive direction, I think I still prefer dreaming about my mom.

The object of my subconscious affections, Mike Rowe

Rainy Day Matches My Mood

There are very few mornings when I wake up and it's raining and I think "That's perfect." Mostly because I run outside in the mornings and while I don't mind running in a light drizzle, a hard rain is not ideal for keeping my feet dry.

However, this morning the rain was perfect. It felt like Mother Nature was empathizing with me. And let me be quite honest, nothing horrible is going on in my life. No one died. No one has cancer. It's nothing life-shattering. It's just not been a good week. Personally and professionally frustrating. Things had been going so smoothly that I knew I was due, but I didn't expect it all at once.

That being said, I'm taking the afternoon off to work out, grocery shop, and lounge on the couch with Chef and the cats. No work for me. And hopefully by tomorrow's Keith Urban/ Sugarland concert, I'll be in a better state of mind. And no, I'm not a country music fan--Nashville still hasn't gotten me yet. However, when you have the opportunity to see a concert for free in a corporate suite and have cocktails with an interesting and fun group of ladies, you're a fool to pass it up. And while I'm a fool in many other ways, passing up fun is not one of those ways.

In the mean time, here are some things to help cheer me up:

• From my genius doctor friend in response to losing the contest: "Men are genetically programmed to lose more weight. It's innate. Men were hunters (need to be lean and mobile) and women were gatherers and child bearers. Chef should not be so smug--his chromosomes most likely did most of the metabolic work. "
• Chef made the most delicious steak I've ever eaten last night. Center cut filet with a beautiful wine sauce and seared to perfection. It melted in my mouth. Paired it with some red wine and McDonald's french fries. Told you I was taking a few meals off!
• Avocados. I love them. I love guacamole and if you cut up corn tortillas and bake them, they are a perfect low-cal treat for my guacamole addiction. The thought is helping me make it through the day.
• And while I'm still food-centric, despite my mood, I ran this morning and am planning to go to the gym before I go home, so I consider that a step in the right direction.
• I have two books waiting for me. One to finish and one to begin. Both of which promise hilarity in either being so bad they're funny or so funny they're funny. Either way, I win.

See? Even sad I count my blessings, so I can't be that bad, right?

And The Winner Is. . .

NOT ME!!! After weeks of exercise and watching what I ate to heathfully lose weight, I am proud to say that I'm down a total of 19 pounds. Only 15 of which counted for the Biggest Loser contest between me and Chef.

However, 15 was not enough because Chef lost 18 pounds. He beat me by a mere 1.5 pounds or so. And while I can stomach losing (barely), it's the way I lost that I'm having trouble with.

Chef was behind by more than 7 pounds last week and in his final home stretch effort to shed "weight" he pulled a move of high school wrestlers and cut water weight. In fact, he fasted for the last three days of the contest and didn't DRINK ANYTHING. If he ends up with any kind of health problems because of that, he's paying for it out of his winnings. I'm gonna be like Blue Cross Blue Shield of Farifax Avenue and DENY his claim.

I am pissed. Mostly because he did do some things that are actual healthy habits, but that weight loss didn't beat me by itself. He's started walking/ jogging lately. In fact, at the end he was walking/jogging (aka wogging) for about 5 miles at a time. Impressive from a dude that worked up a sweat walking to get the mail. And the big thing is that he quit smoking. Which is HUGE! The savings we'll have from that will (eventually) more than pay for his prize. Lastly, he stopped eating Nutty Bars three times a day and for the last couple of weeks has shown more willpower than most people I know. If only he had done that the WHOLE TIME.

However, if anyone wants to contribute to the "Ashley Should Have Won Because Chef is A Cheater" Fund, please feel free to put your check in the mail. I deserve it.

That being said. It's on to the next challenge. Working with an office buddy to hold each other accountable for getting off the last 20 pounds. But I'm going to wait until Monday to really start. Until then, Chef is cooking steak for us and I'm hitting a cocktail.

Things I'm Not Very Good At

Recently I took a personality assessment test and found out that I'm not a big fan at concentrating on my weaknesses. I knew that already in the reluctance at which I do formalized performance reviews and in throwing away recipes that I've messed up. Typically I'm already sizing up failure and opportunity during the project so I have a handle on what to repeat and what to let die. However, in honor of my annual performance review, I have started thinking about things that I'm not very good at. Here's the beginning of what could take volumes to fill:

• Letting things die a respectful death. Typically I'm like the EMS called on to the scene of a dead patient, but legally obligated to try some resuscitation methods --not matter how fruitless the attempts.
• Hula Hoop. The only Hula Hoop I can do is one the Wii because it doesn't instantly slide down my flat hips.
• Telling succinct stories in my personal life. I tend to take the listeners down, around and directly through the entire path that my train of thought traveled to get you to the answer you wanted 5 minutes before.
  
• Putting down a book I've started reading and didn't like. Once I'm in, I tend to keep reading even if I get more disgusted with the story on each passing page.
• Leaving food on my plate. If it's on there, I'm eating it. And if it's in front of me, it's most likely going to be consumed. Once the jaws have opened, they're like Pac-man. They don't like to stop unless the board is cleared or a ghost blocks their path.
• Improvising on recipes unless it's by adding copious amounts of butter, sugar and/ or cheese.
• Being self-less. About 90 percent or more of my actions are spurred forward by personal motivations. Who am I kidding? 99% is probably a closer number.
• Saying 'no' to eating out. I don't care if I'm picking a healthy option, if someone else makes it, it just tastes better.
  

That's it for now, but stayed tuned as I'm sure I'll get stuck for a blog topic that will have me revisiting any introspective lists I've made.

Meryl & Amy not just Julie & Julia

I went with my friend to see "Julie & Julia" this weekend. I had read the book and a narcissistic part of me likes the idea of a movie based on a book based on a blog. It give people like me hope.

Mostly I went because the older I get the more in love with Meryl Streep I am. When I was younger and "Bridges of Madison County" came out, I couldn't recognize the full glory of her because I was too creeped out by Clint Eastwood's squint. And it wasn't until I was in the middle of my Anne Hathaway crush movie marathon that I truly looked at what could've been a farce of a role in "The Devil Wears Prada" that the Meryl made into a masterpiece. And trust me neither Julie & Julia or The Devil Wears Prada are literary masterpieces.

So, if I ever get something published, I hope to hell that it lands in the hands of Meryl Streep and she sees enough of a glint of interest in something to want to have her fingerprints on it. Even if its just to produce it.

On another note, I watched "The Goonies" for the first time in a long time. I keep my movie ticket stubs out of habit because wherever I am I can always remember who and where I saw a particular movie at. The stubs are just a manifestation of that memory. It was while watching "The Goonies" that I could vividly remember curling up in an oversized movie seat at an old theater at Kentucky Lake with my cousins from Florida and my aunts and uncles. My family used to all gather at a rented house on the lake for an annual pilgrimage and while I remember water slides that took heavy mats to go down and riding a go kart with my grandpa, I also remember "The Goonies." It's a good memory.

Got to love the power of movies. Even when we start to forget them, the magic just creeps right back in.

In A Month With Crappy Memories, This one is a good one

Traditionally August hasn't been a banner month in my life. I've lost two people I was close to (understatement) during that month and once a month is associated with death, there's little to do to get it back.

However, 8 years ago yesterday I moved to Nashville and started at the American Heart Association. I remember the day exactly as I was hovered over in my tiny cubicle and being drilled with questions from one of my two new direct bosses. They took me out to eat at Cooker on West End (now J. Alexander's) and proceeded to pepper me with questions about my skills (except Jen actually asked me about my life).

I then went home and cried nearly every night for a month. Some because I missed my famiy, some because I missed cable TV, other nights because my dog was sick and then put down. But after all the tears, moving to Nashville has been one of the things in my life that I'm most proud of. I didn't know many people here and yet in a short time have made so many connections that it's crazy to think about. Wherever else I end up in life, I'll be happy to be have been able to call Nashville home.

Couldn't They Have Let Him Shower? He just finished mowing the lawn

I realize when your team has Sage Rosenfels and Tarvaris Jackson as their hopeful quarterbacks that landing Brett Favre is such a coup that you want to announce it on the highest mountain tops immediately, but can't you let a man shower?

Does he not look like he hopped off his lawn mower to get on a plane and announce that he's back? Maybe it's just the red hat. Or maybe it's just that he's had about 30 "will he or won't he or HE IS!" press conferences in the last couple of months that his attire no longer matters if he's holding a jersey in front of him.I was in Dallas, TX the first time Favre retired and remembered being touched by the sincerity of his tears. He won't get that emotion from me any more. The only emotion he's stirring up lately is the eye-roll inducing fed up emotion.

It's exciting for Vikings fans, but for the rest of us, can we focus on more important issues? Like the Colts o-line that has more holes than Favre's lawn mowing shoes (I'm sure he wore them to the press conference too--I just can't find a picture. Sports journalists are too caught up in drama to care about shoes)?

Hey You, I Need Some Dinner Ideas, Please...Yes, You

Okay, people, help me out here. Chef and I have been coming up with a weekly schedule of dinner for the last month or so. I have to admit, it's helping a lot. Mostly because come 5 o'clock the last thing I want to hear is "What do YOU want for dinner?". Usually by that point my brain is mush and I could care less. I want whatever will make the questions stop.

So we plan ahead on Friday, I go shopping and BAM! the dinner question is answered before I walk through the door. The only problem is that we're running into a rut. Not that I don't love baked turkey taquitos and I could eat guacomle every night, but we need to shake things up a bit. Any low-cal, low-fat dinner ideas you can throw our way?If you're a vegetarian and/or have some vegetarian dishes, that'd be cool too. Although we haven't given up meat, we've switched to turkey and chicken, and Chef's feeling a little poultry-ed out.

In exchange for your help, I can share a chicken bbq, low cal Twinkie pudding (it's not really twinkie, I just think that's what it tastes like) and the aforementioned baked turkey taquito recipe your way. Just to shake things up a bit.

Our Smart Ass T-Shirts were Better Than Theirs

As I stroll through the Kroger on Friday nights (my usual shopping trip time-easiest to get in and out), I get to observe a lot of the workings of human nature. Mostly I get to do it from afar, but occasionally I get sucked in.

Like a few weeks ago, I got hit on by several middle aged divorced men. I even got sucked into a conversation about diabetes and frozen dinners with one of my weird neighbors, who last week went back to Kroger at the same time and parked next to me.

But nothing beats the first Friday when the students come back. It's when my quiet little ghetto Kroger turns into a fashion runway for the misinformed. The Kroger is closest to Belmont which has a music business school and even with its Baptist roots, the students tend to dress like roadies and rock stars. It's a little disconcerting. Mostly I noticed the abundance of faux hawks (which I thought were out of style, but I guess I was wrong) and clever t-shirts that say things like "Analog" and try to be ironic.

Maybe it's the nostalgia washing over me, but when I look back at my college pics, I realize two things: 1) my t-shirts were much better and 2) I dressed like an idiot. My fashion mostly consisted of flannel t-shirts and men's hanes v-neck white t-shirts. I was on such a budget that I didn't care if things were flattering, I just wanted clothes. Now I'm a little more discerning.

Either way when the faux hawks start popping up, it's time to batten down the hatches. The students are coming! The students are coming!

Thirsty Thursday Musings

It's Thirsty Thursday because I'm so frickin' busy that I need a beer to get through the work day. However, instead of driving myself to drink, I've decided to blog out some thoughts and then work out. Oh, I miss the calories-be-damned cocktail binges.

• Our cat Genghis likes to sit between the shower curtain and shower liner when Chef or I are taking a shower and bite at the water droplets pelting him through the liner. I commented that I think he would like to kill water if he could figure out a plan of attack without getting wet. Here was Chef's strategy for GenghisOnly 2 weeks left in Chef and I's Biggest Loser contest. We weighed in this morning and he lost 5.3 lbs. I lost 3.1 lbs, but as of today, I'm leading. Of course, I had to start going to the gym every night for extra cardio, but I'm in it to win it!
• I got to hold a precious one day old baby this week. He was adorable and I liked holding him, but it just made me realize that my biological clock still hasn't started ticking.
• Conference calls that are just a run down of report outs are a waste of time. Have an agenda with stuff on it, people!
  

Mmmm Microwave Meals

There was a time when I would turn my nose up at the thought of eating a microwave meal for lunch. I either went out or packed something better. OR if I ate microwaved meal, I always supplemented it with crackers, cheese, dessert. Never considered that the meal itself was enough to fill me up.

And in truth, it probably isn't enough to fill me up as my stomach is a bottomless pit, but it certainly is enough food to last me until my afternoon snack (typically yogurt). For a while I cut out my prepackaged gloriousness for more protein favoring meals. That was fine for a while, but I tell you, I am now loving my meals in minutes even more than ever.

Whereas before I would stick to things in the pizza range, I've found two that satisfy my need for carbs, spice and leave me wanting more--but not gorging on other foods.

1. Healthy Choice Sweet Asian Potstickers. It's got way more carbs than it probably should, but DAMN. It's a good time.



2. Kashi's Mayan Harvest Bake. Um, sweet potatoes, plantains, black beans, polenta and kale sound like an odd combination--and they are--but they are deliciously odd.
   

Wonder what it means that my two favorite choices are vegetarian?

But I'm always the Tire Girl

I got asked to be the Nashville Start! Heart Walk team captain for our AHA office again this year. It started out as a good idea and then we had to go and up the ante. Instead of just having incentives for the top walkers and prizes and all that usual crap, we also added in a team challenge. The losing team has to wash the winning team's cars. In our parking lot. In October.

While Nashville is further south than my previously beloved home, it is not south enough to be warm in October. It's quite cold. And I'm still the shortest (at least non-pregnant shortest) team member. Why do I bring that up? Because when doing car washes for other things (namely softball team fundraisers), my height dictated that I wash the tires. I hate washing tires. I always scrape my knuckles and then get soapy water in them. It's horrendous.

So, this is where I need your help. You can do one of two things to save me from soapy, stinging, bleeding knuckles and frigid October wet t-shirt contests:

1. Donate to my Heart Walk campaign. Click here and you can do it in 2 minutes. I would greatly appreciate it. If you want to donate less than $25, feel free to email me at ashley.wrye@gmail.com and I'll send you an envelope to make it happen.
2. Join my team. Don't have money to donate? No problem. Just join my team and email your friends and family to help support the cause. Click here and click on "Join My Team" to be an official Walka Walka (that's our team name--it's an homage to my favorite comedian--Fozzie Bear).

Seriously, I can't thank you enough for helping out because I know that I have the best friends. Way better than the Walker Nashville Ranger people!

Nothing Says Tired like 4,000 kids in 3 hours

I don't think there's any amount of caffeine, energy drink or other legal or non-legal stimulants that can properly prepare you for 4,000 kids in just 3 hours. Today was the Mayor's First Day Festival at the Sommet Center which is really cool. It's free for vendors and free to attend and hands out thousands of free information and school supplies to kids before the first day of school. I love the idea of this event and in its purest form, it's spectacular.

However, in its actual form, it can be spectacular, tiring, frustrating, exhuasting, infuriating, surprising and short. The good things come from the reactions of the majority of the kids. The please and thank yous and smiles. Especially knowing that most of the kids there can use the pencil and activity sheet and information we gave away.

The bad impressions come from parents yelling at me that they have 8 kids so they need more pencils or the elementary school kid that snipped at me that he needed more than one pencil to get through the school year (I didn't realize that my supply was supposed to take 4000 kids through 180 days of math problems, English essays, and homework, but whatever) or the parent that took a handful of pencils and then when I said "one per child" refused to put any back but instead grabbed another handful AND THEN proceeded to come back two more times 30 minutes later ( I did NOT allow him any more out of spite).

The only other thing that stinks is that because of the size and number of participants at the event, vendors have to be checked in by noon. That means that even if I push it to the latest, I'm still sitting there waiting for 2 hours before doors open. It's a little much.

However, despite all that, I know that we reached a little under 4000 kids in three hours of passing out and talking. When all that energy comes your way, you try to match it for as long as you can, but there's always a wall. And I'm hitting it now. I bet I'm asleep before 9:30 tonight. Oosh.

blogging from my phone so it's gonna be short

chef and I are watching an episode of gangland on the history channel that's featuring nashville. i'm learning so much about the various gangs in town. who knew we were special because no one area of town is controlled by a particular gang? I am,however, still going to avoid certain parts of nolensville road and of course, hickory hollow mall. that's just good sense.

lost 3 pounds this week! I think it's partly because i'm in the gym every day and jogging every morning and partly because all of last week's efforts are finally registering. i'm back in the lead for the biggest loser contest and only a pound or so from my lowest weight ever! three weeks left.wish me luck.

Almost Ten Years Ago. . .

I sat in one of the three different "Media and Society" classes that I took at IU and filled a bluebook with my theories on how to eliminate "scary world syndrome." Scary World Syndrome is the theory that people think the world is more violent than it actually is because violence is portrayed on TV at a MUCH higher rate than it occurs in reality.

Back then, my theory was that people would be less likely to believe the overweight ratio if the news were more parody than real. My example was The Daily Show. Jon Stewart had just taken over which caused a spike in popularity, but nothing like it is today. My professor responded that I understood the concept, but also wrote in the margins "TV news consisting as parody for the masses? That'll be the day."

I wonder what the professor would think about this.

Random Thoughts of a Tuesday

Chef and I watched a show on Fox called "More to Love". It was exactly like The Bachelor, except the contestants were all plus sized. It made me realize a couple things. Stupid and bitchy women are stupid, no matter what their dress size. Chef had the line of the night. When the Bachelor was asked what his type was, he replied "Everyone in this room." Chef's remark "Yeah, because you all have a vagina and are actually talking to me."

Other random thoughts:

• Last night worlds collided in my dreams. In one, I was explaining to an ex-boyfriend how he could totally implement an AHA school program into his teaching lesson plan while we played basketball in the cul-de-sac from my childhood home.
• Folding machines are great when you have 2500 sheets of paper that need to be individually folded. However, they are loud and not as convenient when they start pulling multiple pieces of paper to fold at one time just for funsies.
• The week that I've started organizing and delegating is the week that the department's shared coordinator is on vacation. It was purely a coincidence.
• I have an unexplained sense of dread that is starting to cloud my disposition.

An Anniversary...of Sorts

On Saturday as I was running at 5:45 a.m. (because I was up and it was not blazing hot yet), I remembered that it was a day that meant something to me. It was August 1st. Now August is not the best month for me in terms of things to remember. It's the month that a lot of people that I love have died. It's also the month that I moved to Nashville 8 years ago (yes, it's really been 8 years).

But this particular day is an anniversary (kind of) of something good. Two years ago on August 1st, I looked at the American Heart Association's internal wellness web site and said "That doesn't look too hard." I do not know why it happened. It wasn't something that I planned or even thought other than, "I think I can do that." But for some reason, this time it stuck.

Two years ago I started losing weight. And not just a little weight. A lot of weight. In fact, if you add my set backs and big chunks, I have lost more than 100 pounds in two years. Not that I weigh tiny now, but including the times that I've gained and lost again. At my heaviest, I weighed (I cannot believe I'm going to admit this) 221 lbs. More than the majority of defensive players on the Colts. I tried to rationalize that they were built for speed and not punishment, but when you can honestly say you weigh more than a professional defensive football player. . .and you're a woman that's 5'2", it's time to make a change.

Now I'm the type of person that I used to hate. The type of person that gets up at 5:45 on a Saturday morning to go for a jog. Who'd have thunk it?

Now only 3 more pounds to go to be at my lowest weight in my adult life. What a difference a day can make.

Then

Now

Getting To Know Me...Because I'm Lazy and Arrogant

I got tagged on this and I'm feeling a little lazy today for the blog posting, so I'll take the bait. I'll let you know everything you didn't know you didn't want to know about me.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:05
2. How do you like your steak? Medium/ Medium Well
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
4. What is your favorite TV show? 30 Rock, watch it even in reruns
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Europe, probably an English speaking part
6. What did you have for breakfast? Lower Sugar Maple & Brown Sugar Oatmeal
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Mexican, probably
8. What foods do you dislike? tomatoes, cilantro, cucumber
9. Favorite Place to Eat? Depends on the day, but I always love PF Chang's
10. Favorite dressing? Kraft Fat-Free Zesty Italian because Zesty is Besty
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? 1995 Toyota Camry named Cam Camry... still.
12. What are your favorite clothes? any of them that I describe as "my skinny" ____ (aka My skinny jeans)
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Europe, any part
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? mostly half full
15. Where would you want to retire? California
16. Favorite time of day? the time that I'm in bed
17. Where were you born? Evansville, IN
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? NFL football
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? I don't answer questions that aren't about me.
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? see above.
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? see #19
22. Bird watcher? No, it's kinda lame.
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? Used to be night, but now I'd have to say morning.
24. Do you have any pets? Yes, see plethora of cat pictures
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I'm 4 pounds awy from my lowest adult weight.
26. What did you want to be when you were little? a writer.
27. What is your best childhood memory? Going to kentucky lake with all my extended family for the summer
28. Are you a cat or dog person? Both, but I'm currently fully entrenched in felines.
29. Are you married? Not technially.
30. Always wear your seat belt? yes
31. Been in a car accident? Yes
32. Any pet peeves? lots. My current biggest annoyance are women who sit right next to your bathroom stall in a public bathroom when there are numerous empty stalls.
33. Favorite Pizza Topping? Pepperoni
34. Favorite Flower? Peony
35. Favorite ice cream? Cake batter ice cream at Maggie Moos
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Wendy's burgers, McDonald's fries, so Qdoba.
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None
38. From whom did you get your last email? Alyssa Evans (work related)
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Target or Macy's
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? No, I'm pretty boring.
41. Like your job? Overall, I love it.
42. Broccoli? Always and more.
43. What was your favorite vacation? Germany/ Italy trip
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Chef.
45. What are you listening to right now? The sound of two hands typing.
46. What is your favorite color? Green right now, but it changes.
47. How many tattoos do you have? None.
48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? Who cares?
49. What time did you finish this quiz? 9:29 a.m.
50. Coffee Drinker? When the mood strikes me. But for now, I'll stick with my water.

It's a Beautiful Day because U2 Told Me. . . Repeatedly

Today was one of the days that I look forward to every year because it's the day that I finish a big annual project. It's partly my fault that I have to do this project, because our interim VP asked if I had the ability to do it and I was too stupid to lie.

Sure, I could coordinate all of the pictures and successes of the last year and put them into a slideshow that timed up to music. The quest is: Do I want to?

Frankly, no, I don't. However, it's amazing what you can convey in 4 minutes of musically timed Microsoft software that can take you 30-40 minutes to explain. The slideshow is useful for the board, volunteer trainings, Heart Walk kick offs and has gotten WAY more play than the first year that it was primarily ignored at a cocktail party (which pissed me off to no end).

So seeing as I'm the primary user of this slideshow and that I don't think that anyone else cares enough to do it (or if they do, they haven't had months of training at GE in the intracacies of manipulating power point for ANY thing), I do it. It takes me about a full day or more to do and now it's over. And because of it, I'll have U2's Beautiful Day stuck in my head for the next 12 months.

Things I'll never . .

As I've aged, I think I'm coming to the point in my life where I give up on the silly notions or unrealistic ideals that I had as a kid. It got me thinking this morning about things I'll never be or do. While some people say "never say never," I've decided to take a stand.

I'll never. . .

• have an ass like Beyonce. It's Kansas flatlands in my pants, but I can make the flatlands more muscularly toned.
• be the early girl. I'm nearly always on time or late, unless it's for a movie, show or something that starts regardless of my schedule.
• have the type of body where I can eat anything I want and not gain weight.
  
• be able to turn away from a Colts game. No use in trying to get my attention.
• want to live in Indiana again for a long period of my life. It is fantastic to visit and I might end up eating my words some day, but I realize that I can find a home wherever I land.
• doubt the leaping abilities of Genghis, because every time I do, he exceeds my expectations.
• be able to work in healthcare industry on the caregiving side. It's too stressful and I know my heart couldn't take it.
  

Perhaps more later, but this is enough for tonight.

Not that kind of intern

One would think that years after the Monica Lewinsky deal that interns would have a different connotation than they used to, but not so much the case. In Nashville just last week, there's still some blowback from a Republican Senator who had an affair with a 22 year old intern.

But after all that, I'm still thinking there's something good to get from an intern. I was a good interna and I loved my internship. I'm hoping to provide the same opportunity for someone else. And get a lot of things done that I don't have the time to do myself. Because despite all my good intentions, if I can't get some help for the next year, I might have a nervous breakdown. Partly because the job naturally expands each year and partly because I'm a glutton for punishment and have a need to overachieve. If anyone has any advice on dealing with interns, I'm certainly open for it.

How To Wash a Cat

When Mila started walking around with a fume cloud following behind, we knew we had to break down and give her a bath. Being a long-haired and somewhat unable to reach all her tough spots, the smell was mostly due to some poorly placed cling-ons. Once one cat is washed, the non-smelly cats seem smelly because they don't have the shampoo fresh aroma. So, claws be damned, we washed them all. Here's how to do it without losing an eye.

1. Have a partner. Someone stronger and willing to get wet. Chef was my obvious choice as he owns the cats as well and they trust him. As much as cats can trust taller life-forms.
   
2. Be quick. It takes about 2 seconds to get clawed. It takes a few weeks for the marks to completely heal. I had a bowl and two large cups filled with water, ready to douse the suspicious cat.
3. For God's sake, let go. The cats go from trying desperately to get away (Chef holds them by the back of the neck to secure them) to being bundled, or rather swaddled straight jacket style, in a towel before they realize they've moved. They get praise and cuddles quickly before we let them loose on the house.
   

The whole thing lasts between 60-120 seconds.

It's kind of like when I washed my dog Pepper, except that he could never claw me and as soon as I let him go, he would find the nearest piece of furniture to rub up against until he was dry. The cats spend the next hour licking the spikey tufts of hair down. I'm sure one or all of them will leave us a nice hair ball vomit spot tomorrow as revenge.

But for now, I'm going to pick a cat and push my nose into it's muzzle to take in the clean smell.

How Do You Motivate the Unmotivated When You're Unmotivated?

I've eaten significantly less today, but I think that has more to do with the fact that I wolfed down some chicken nuggets and fries yesterday in my feeding frenzy. Now said menu items are sitting like a rock in my stomach and making an average day's food consumption infinitely less enjoyable. Although I'm managing to choke down my favorite flavor of Yoplait Light (It's lemon cream pie for the curious or nosy).

• Chef kicked my butt hardcore in the weigh in yesterday. I knew he was going to win, but I didn't think that he would beat me so handily in one week that my other weeks worth of work are now gone. He's ahead of me in the contest by less than 0.1%. Which means it's on. Of course, I think he's been lulling me into a feeling of security all these weeks and now just turning it on. Either way, I've got to stop eating or I'm going to be out some significant duckets.
• Second, I'm trying to motivate my co-workers for our Heart Walk team. We're getting schooled by the Walker Nashville Rangers right now (our competition) and as the leader of the Walka Walkas, I don't want to end up washing our opponents cars. Plus it would be nice to hit our company goal of $20,000. No pressure though. Help me out by sending me ways to motivate our team, cash or joining us. All would be appreciated and can be done here.
• Lastly, I'm getting motivated to go to the grocery store. I do it every week, so it's not that big of a challenge, but some weeks are tougher than others to get hyped up for. Partly because the produce section of our local Kroger is not all that fabulous. Everything else in the store is great and I know if I went to the Kroger in Green Hills, I'd have my choice of nearly all produce in the world PLUS valet parking, but I just can't do it. So, I go to the Harding Road (aka Ghetto Kroger) and know that I'll never have to struggle for parking but that the green beans will always have brown spots.

Any ideas from people on how to motivate the unmotivated when you're unmotivated too would be greatly appreciated.

On Days When I Feel Like A Porker

Today I am all about eating. Not even bad things, but just an abundance. Okay, so not the whole day, but there was a synapse that must have switched this afternoon that said "eat more food for no apparent reason". I tried to ignore it, but it wouldn't go away. I fed it some sugar-free chocolate and it was moderately happy. Now all I can think about are the soggy leftover Subway sandwiches in the kitchen. Soggy and delicious, but I'm trying to resist.

• Begging will get you a new phone if you first pay your dues by spending a minimum of an hour on the phone with tech people. It's the price you have to pay for having working technology.
• Role playing is only fun in the bedroom and even there it's not always a guarantee. While it is useful in sales strategies, it's never fun and I am lucky enough to be able to opt out because I rarely have to go in for the kill (at least by myself).
• How can "I thought I replied to that" be a legitimate excuse for someone over email? We both know that if you had replied I wouldn't have asked 5 more times because although I can be annoying, I am not in 10 year old autistic child. I typically only ask once if I get a reply.
• How many stages are there on the Tour de France? I think if it's less than 50, they should just quit because nothing says sporting event like three straight weeks of "Is Lance winning? No, (insert indifferent shoulder shrug here) okay."
• I used to think it was creepy that I thought Harry Potter was cute. Now I realize that there's a difference between thinking someone is cute and feeling shame AND having mad lust and feeling pride.
• I'm certain Chef will beat me in tonight's weigh in. And I'm hoping that by tomorrow, I'll care enough to eat less chocolate.

Still Sitting On Hold for Something

Today is my day to be pissed off with technology. Or at least not to marvel at how convenient it makes my life because it's making me spend half my day on hold waiting for help. In keeping with my bite-sized random theme, here are today's nuggets:

• A technology service rep should only be allowed to put a customer on hold ONCE to ask their manager for next steps or other things to try. If they have to put you on hold more than once, you should just get a replacement for whatever device you're calling about.
• My flexible spending account for healthcare expenses is making me verify a $300 charge to a hospital to make sure it was a legit expense. Do they think I bought $300 worth of flowers and stuffed animals from the gift shop?
• I have been craving chocolate chip cookies all day. My fabulous office neighbor and friend Laura shuffled a chocolate Fiber One bar my way, but it got me thinking about my favorite chocolate chip cookies of all time. Other than the skookie Chef makes, I'd have to say that Kalamata's, a Greek restaurant here in town, makes the best chocolate chip cookies around.

Where is the best chocolate chip cookie in your world and why?

Bite-Sized Being the Operative Word

So lately the idea of sitting down and writing a long blog post has scared me into just writing nothing at all. Yet, I'll twitter all day because 140 characters is way less intimidating. So in the essence of keeping the blog going in the true spirit it was meant to have, I've decided to go with shorter, more random information in a setting.

• At work, we have these posters on the bathroom mirror that say "You are the Key" but every time I look at them, I think that I am the keymaster and then feel like Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters.


• This is what happens when I listen to Paris Hilton and try to pose for pictures. I couldn't even keep it long enough to have a straight face. I look lopsided.
• The squash casserole I made for Laura's baby Shower was delicious because I loaded it with butter and cheese, which to me are the staples of all great female chefs (Julia Child, Paula Deen).
• I'm the Heart Walk captain for my office team which is tasked with raising $20,000 this year and I'm feeling the pressure. So if you're reading this, you're now obligated to follow this link and either donate to my efforts or join my team and convince others to donate. Go. Now. Or I end up washing others cars in the cold October sun.

Working for Fun

Last Friday we had a fun day in the office. Meaning that we were supposed to celebrate the dawning of a new fiscal year. It's so weird to actually have a new meaning to Happy New Year. This year it was like "Happy New Year!" said with a huge sigh on the end for two meanings: 1) being truly thankful to have survived what has been a tough year for everyone and 2) having survived and still have a job.

Both of those notwithstanding, it takes a lot of effort and planning to have a "fun" day. There's the obligatory theme, the planning of the secret activity, the coordinating of the potluck, providing favors for a kick off, cooking for the potluck and then bringing all the stuff in for the activity. There were so many details going through my head on Thursday night, that you'd have thought I was planning a wedding. Alas, it was merely a potluck and a scavenger hunt.

But after all that, there's still nothing more fun than watching your co-workers run around town in cowboy hats or oversized polka dot bow ties looking for a library or a hardware store. Except maybe the pictures that came from it all.

Then I had a group of volunteers that were meeting on Saturday for a social gathering and were nice enough to ask me to go along. They also said the magic words "Dinner and wine" and POOF I was there. It was an unusual group of ladies, ones that I wouldn't have met in any other way, but it just worked. So many backgrounds coming together to share stories. I learned a lot and had fun.

Of course, none of this was particularly helpful to my overall goal of kicking Chef's butt in weight loss, but despite travelling, cheating and drinking an occasional glass of wine, I still manage to have lost a few pounds in the last couple of weeks. Not as many as I could, but it's nice to know that I can live alittle and still not blow everything that I've worked for so far. (Which is a 4% to 1% percent weight loss lead so far). Now it's time to get down to business. I'm getting buff, but it's only supporting my eating habit. Damn you, tasty foods!

When You're Young, You're Crazy

It's true. When I was between 18-20, I was a loose cannon. At least, relative to how I am now. I think we all are at that age. No matter how mature we seem to be, there's always that part of us that is a complete whack job.

Luckily for any of the guys that I had a crush on, I did not have access to a gun. Not saying that I would've used it, mostly because I had a really big fear of guns (still not a big fan), but it could've made any situation that much worse.

However, none of that excuses a girl from shooting her boyfriend and then herself. It does, however, act as warning for all those guys who see a pretty young girl and think "that looks like a good idea." Because from all outward appearances, it does. Young, naive, willing to believe a lot and usually willing to overlook flaws like being married. Girls that age also haven't been faced with the biggest learning curve of all: "You can't change people." People can change themselves, but it's best to just love as is or not at all.

But guys, no matter how appealing it looks to date a girl barely legal, it's just not worth it. It is if you, as a guy, are also young and crazy. It's not if you are nearly twice the girl's age and infintely more rich. And if you're married or in a long term relationship that would take legal action to unbind you from, take the advice that my uncle says he lives by: "There's no sex worth half my belongings." He didn't say sex and was a little more direct, but the statement is true either way. And just good advice.