What happened to a good publicist?

There is a reason why entertainers pay other people money to help them work the media. That's because entertainers are idiots. Not all of them, mind you, but a vast majority of them, and to keep up the facade of the cool demeanor they need a barrier to prevent them from exposing their true self. Usually their true self turns out to be more like the creepy guy in the bar that thinks his charm will get him out of a DUI. Or the chick in high school that had little boobs and no brain, so to make up for it she screwed half the school...and not just the male half.

These are our celebrities. They are insane and stupid and show this in their attempts to prove that they're "just like regular people." And lately, the bumper crop of dumbass moves has been enough to keep me entertained.

Let's start with Tom Cruise. How did he think it would be a good idea to fire his publicist of years and years? The publicist that realized that the majority of Americans would not buy into a religion that incorporates aliens into their sermons. The publicist was smart enough to steer Tom away from the religious outpourings and into history as a stud. However, Tom's new publicist, who happens to be his sister and a Scientologist, is not as smart. I don't give a rat's ass what, if any, religion a person chooses to believe in. I just don't want to hear he or she spewing their beliefs at me like an evangelist. There should be a separation of church and star.

By the way, have you seen the picture of L. Ron Hubbard? It's a sexy blend of Alfred Hitchcock, Vincent Price and Hugh Hefner.


That Sexy Beast: L. Ron Hubbard.

Okay, so that leaves Britney. Just when people were starting to forget that Mr. Federline dumped his impregnated wife to go on tour and fall for Britney, she decides to make a show about it. Is anyone else feeling the freaky coincidence that Moesha (with the ex Mrs. Federline) was on UPN which is now home to the new Mrs. Federline? I would think that for Kevin the next logical step would've been to knock up one of the girls from 7th Heaven on the WB or something, but I guess he skipped a couple steps.

Anyway, the very first scene of the show had Britney saying "They look like boobs. But they're not. They're my knees!" And that was probably the least vomit-inducing thing that's been said. I actually feel a little bit sorry for the people who thought that Britney's little sex surveys wouldn't be seen by anyone. Of course, they're on UPN, so they are being seen by no one.

Okay, so Russell Crowe's a rebel. We get it. He doesn't have to hit hotel clerks when his movies suck at the box office to make that point. No other harmless hotel phones need to get hurt in the process. If a publicist had been there, he or she could've taken the punch and no one would ever have known. Or they could have at least leaked the story in a much better and less obvious manner.

What it comes down to is this: Celebrities, I beg you. Please don't be regular people. You need someone to censor you. Not everything you say or do needs to come out to the public or is worthy of publicity. Get a good publicist. Keep a good publicist.