Shove that Candy Cane Up Your Ass

People are already starting with the office Christmas shit and frankly, I'm ready to shove their cheer right up next to the candy cane.

First of all, people are decorating their individual offices. Okay, I understand wanting to celebrate the changing of the seasons. I even have a little snowman that was gifted to me in the office exchange one year sitting on a bookcase. However, he's also holding a sign that counts down the days until Christmas vacation. Not the holiday, just the glorious days that I don't have to be here.

However, there are others that are going overboard. Lights, trees, motion-detecting musical items that aren't turned off when their owners are gone. If the Scooby-doo lunchbox I had on my file cabinet two years ago was considered tacky and I was told to take it down, why do the wreath made entirely of glitter (which is on the floor) and the singing Santa get a stay of execution?

Aside from all that, there's the annual Christmas party. We've had one every year for the 4 previous Christmases that I've been here. Last year, I was unable to go to the party because one of my co-workers scheduled a TV commercial to be shot in the middle of it. Then she refused to go comfort her nervous volunteers on set because "well, I don't want to miss the party." This is the same woman that called her assistant into the office when her assistant called in sick, yet took the afternoon off to do Christmas shopping.

This year it didn't seem like we were having a party. Then I looked at the calendar. Some people were having a Christmas party. I just wasn't invited. That's right. Only half of the office is invited. And the worst part is that they tried to keep it a secret, yet mysteriously half of the office has an "off-site staff meeting."

There's no "I" in team but there is in "Christmas," bitches.