Why don't I have that pretty kind of fat?

These never make me feel fat--
because I'm a single digit size in them.

Do you know those women who can gain five or ten pounds and it ALL goes to their boobs giving them a perfect hourglass figure? Me neither. But I did start looking at where people carry their extra weight a few years ago and oddly enough it sparked some jealousy in me. I don't have the pretty kind of fat.

Before you start arguing that no fat is pretty, let me stop you. No fat on the inside of your body is pretty. That shit will kill you. But the extra junk in the trunk of some ladies is nice. And there is a HUGE difference in how much extra weight a person can carry just by their height and body type: two areas that I was not blessed with in the weight carrying department.

I'm short. 5'2" barefoot which is why I wear heels most every day. I like to pretend that I'm 5'5". But between the shortness and the body type, I'm screwed. I'm not exactly sure which fruit my body type is (girls, you know what i'm talking about), but it's the type that gives me big boobs, broad shoulders, a big stomach and a flat ass. I would keep it all if I had a pretty fat. And by pretty fat, I mean the type of fat that doesn't pucker. That fat that on other women looks almost like if you'd touch it, it'd be hard. It's smooth and doesn't gather at embarrassing places like around your bra straps or "dun-laping" over your belt. (For the record, I also hate the phrase "muffin top" because it instantly makes me think of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine is trying to convince the baker to only make muffin tops and he names the store "Top of the Muffin to You!". I relate because I too only like muffin tops, but not those fake muffin tops that were never attached to a stump. I also hate the use of excessive exclamation points. Nobody is that enthusiastic about everything.)

If I'm gonna have fat, and the odds have been ever in my favor on that to this point in my life, I wish I had the pretty kind of fat. Instead, I have the kind of fat the slaps other parts of my body when I'm working out no matter what type of restrictive clothing I wear to prevent it. Perhaps some day I'll have worked out enough to eliminate my lumpy fat. Until then, I'll have to make due.