Quick Laugh: Celebrities Read Mean Tweets About Themselves

This cracked me up. It's from Jimmy Kimmel Live. He has celebrities read mean tweets about themselves. Anderson Cooper's response  made me crack up. Some of the tweets are just mean, but some of them are pretty clever in their meanness. Check it out.

Why I Can't Stand Gwyneth Paltrow

It's oh so fashionable to hate on Gwyneth Paltrow, but it's really hard not to when she makes it so damn easy. And I am not immune to her getting on my nerves. I do not like when people hit the genetic lottery and then tell us little people that all we really need to live the perfect life is a gluten-free, dairy-free, cruelty-free diet with 4 hours a day of meditative yoga and to live abroad. 

Let's face the facts: Gwyneth Paltrow was born in LA to actor parents, so that's half the battle right there. Actually more than half: genetically thin parents born in an affluent area with connections into the career path she chose. Good for her for finding success, but she's become a caricature of herself with her very out of touch quotes. And when you look at the things she's said, done or put up for sale on the website she "curates" just for us, I realize that this chick really doesn't get it. 

Here are a few examples:

• Holiday wrapping paper on Goop sells for $52. Merry Christmas--your present is the wrapping paper. Enjoy!
• Gwyneth doesn't let her children watch TV unless it's in Spanish or French. 
• "I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup."  I'm sure there are starving kids all over the world that would gladly sacrifice Gwyneth Paltrow to eat some Cup-a-Soup.
• From her cookbook:--On making her own root beer: "The day we were finding the formula, my daughter, who was four years old at the time, walked into the kitchen and asked me what I was drinking. 'Soda,' I replied. She looked at me with her big blue eyes. 'What's that?' she responded." Is her daughter not allowed in public? was the taunting because of her awful name too much?Who hasn't at least heard of soda?
• From her cookbook: "I love basically anything that comes in a hot dog bun...except hot dogs (sorry, dad)" Seriously? How about just saying you love sandwiches?
• More obnoxious quotes including one about how Reese Witherspoon does too many "stupid romantic comedies". 

Any other celebrities that you wish would just shut up?

And Then Richard Simmons Did Jumping Jacks

Last Friday I finally got to be a tourist. Well, kind of. My new place of work had their summer staff outing and it was in one of those open-air buses that float around Hollywood and Beverly Hills taking tours of stars homes and the like. I had always wanted to do one, but had been too chicken to ask Chef, so this was the perfect opportunity to get my geek on in semi-privacy. 

Can you spot him? No sign of the Dalmatian.

Because it was a corporate tour, the tour guide was a little less professional than I think he probably normally is. And by professional, I mean that he made stops at Ralph's (aka Cali Kroger) for snacks and bathroom breaks, as well as just vaguely pointed out things on the tour. However, it was still a good time. 

The highlight of the trip was pulling outside of a massive Hollywood Hills home and having Jeremy the tour guide say "If you yell loudly here, the celebrity has been known to come out and say hi." That was all it took to get us screaming at the top of our lungs. Low and behold out pops Richard Simmons who started doing jumping jacks and telling us that his dalmatian turned 18 just that week. Yes, he really told us that. 

The rest of the trip was a bunch of garage doors and gates of celebrity homes, but nothing can top Richard Simmons. (Can you ever, really?) Squint really hard at the fence and you can see him in my crappy picture. 

Who takes their political advice from Hank Williams, Jr?

There was no "Are you ready for some football?" on last night's game between the Bucs and Colts (which made me cry but not because of the lack of song, but the end result). If it wasn't pointed out, would you really notice?

Hank Williams Jr's song was not played by ESPN because he made some ridiculous comments saying that Obama playing golf recently with GOP House Speaker John A. Boehner was like Hitler doing so with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. It's not only a bad analogy because it mentions Hitler (rule of thumb: mention Hitler or the Holocaust in your analogy and it's a bad analogy), but it didn't even really make sense. It brings me to my larger point. There are two things that I don't look to celebrities for: sports advice and political opinions.

I don't care what Madonna thinks about our natural resources or Ben Affleck feels about labor unions. I encourage celebrities as US citizens (Madonna is still a US citizen right? The fake British accent didn't affect her citizenship, right?) to voice their opinions and take action. I even realize that as celebrities those opinions will automatically get more attention because they have access to a larger platform.

My problem is with people who hear celebrity's opinion and think "Damn! Let's make that celebrity president because they are SO right." Slow your roll. That celebrity probably has a high school education and I prefer my leaders to be smarter than I am. If I can predict that Battlefield: Earth was going to be a flop but John Travolta couldn't see it coming, then I don't want him as an elected official.

I don't blame ESPN for pulling the song and I'm okay if they keep it off the air from here on out. Not because Williams said something inappropriate but because the song doesn't add a darn thing to my Monday Night Football watching experience. Until the day comes that celebrities stop saying stupid things or skinny women dancing to horrible football related songs (talking to you, too, Faith Hill and the horrible "Waiting All Day for Sunday Night" song), can we just make a pact as a people to ignore them both?

They're Middle Age?!?!?! How Old Am I Getting?

This weekend I was watching Mermaids, the Cher, Winona Ryder, Christina Ricci movie from almost 20 years ago (which makes me feel old just saying). I've seen the movie a few times, but didn't realize that JAKE RYAN (really Michael Schoeffling) from Sixteen Candles was also in that movie. I looked him up and realized that JAKE RYAN turned 50 last year. WHAT?!?!? That's just nuts. I still have a crush on Jake Ryan.

So,I decided to do some investigating to find some more people from my childhood that are now firmly planted in middle age and I can't believe. Here's my list:

• Madonna (53)
• Michael Jackson (was 50 when he died)
• Michael Jordan (48)
• Jodi Foster (48)
• Deborah Gibson (just 40, but still)- loving the Old Navy "Only in my Jeans" commercial
• Rob Lowe (47)
• And last for today, but not least, my childhood crush: Ralph Macchio (49- not so much a kid any more)

Who are the celebrities from growing up that you can't believe has gotten older (because we can surely bypass that, right?)?

C'mon, People. Stop Posting Pictures of Your Genitals

Is it egomania? Is it promiscuity? Or is it just plain stupidity? I'm not sure why famous people think it's a good idea to take pictures of their bodies or junk and send them to people they don't really know.

Did the world really need to see Brett Favre's junk? No. Don't text it to a girl you barely know.

Did I really need to see Anthony Weiner's weiner or chest? Nope and neither did the chick he sent it to.

I'm continually baffled about why people who are famous send illicit pictures of themselves to strangers. It's generally not a good idea for ANYBODY, especially someone who is say, in the political arena or gets media attention. Because for all the good things the media attention can bring to your life (and it does bring good things to most so don't let them fool you with this "I never asked for this" crap), it can also take you down.

Here's a good rule of thumb for all celebrities, politicians and others:

If you get bothered in bathrooms for autographs or can get good tables at nice restaurants just for being you, don't send any photos of any bathing suit parts or otherwise embarrassingly skimpy areas out via twitter, facebook, text or other social media outlet.