I Was Moved to Tears, but It Was Probably Hormones

An actual scene from Grand Theft Auto 5-- do bikes count?

You know how things that are supposed to move you to tears or emotion don't and then you feel like you have a heart of stone? That happens to me a lot.

But then sometimes a story that is sad but maybe not earth-shattering just tears me to pieces. That happened to me last night. I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and ran across a Gawker story about a mentally-challenged 21 year old from Florida who had been robbed. That sucks what really got me was that he was robbed of Grand Theft Auto 5, the newest, hottest version of the video game, moments after he went to pick up from the store where he had placed a pre-order and been paying it off in weekly installments of $10 or $20. He had just left the store when a couple asked him for the time and then beat him up to take the game.

It's a sad story, yes, but why it brought tears to my eyes, I can't really explain. I just imagined myself as a kid working hard and saving my allowance to get something and then having someone beat me up for it before I could enjoy it. The couple who robbed the man was arrested, but they had already sold the stolen game. Last night, I just wanted to buy the guy the damn video game, and hoped the Internet would make it right.

I'm happy to say today that the victim has gotten a copy. Hopefully he got it home safely.

When People Used to Shove Kids for Beanie Babies

My friend Anne worked in a store that sold Beanie Babies back in their heyday. Then she recruited me to do it as well. Oddly enough our third friend Schultz also sold Beanie Babies at a place. Which makes me think that either we all just had a penchant for retail or that there were a shitload of places that sold Beanie Babies in Indiana. Probably both.

At the time, Beanie Babies were the shit. When shipments would come in, there would be hysteria. People would literally wait on the UPS man to arrive and see if he had any boxes that looked like they came from Ty (the company behind said bean-stuffed animals). If so, minutes later there would mysteriously be a line forming or a lot of women just browsing randomly. This was back before right when cell phones were taking off but before texting so imagine an old-fashioned call tree but instead of the purpose being to prep for an emergency, it was to alert the masses of the arrival of the Christ child. . .aka the Princess Diana Beanie Bear.

The mob was so damn unruly sometimes that Anne had to put the smack down and institute a "Shove a kid,

no Beanie" policy. Yes, it was that bad.

And to cap off the Beanie-related craziness, there was the time that I locked up at one of the stores and then Anne opened the next morning. She got there and discovered that the back door was open, the cash register and night deposit were gone and so were one of each of the Beanie Babies we carried. They took cash and Beanie Babies and then ran out the back of the store, leaving the back door open and a trail of stuffed pink flamingos and tigers in their wake.

The best part of the story, at least in me opinion, was the the burglar came in through a hole they had dug from the Christian Bookstore next store, called "1st Commandment". There was no sign of forced entry so they assumed it was a disgruntled employee...from the Christian bookstore. (For the record, "Thou Shall Not Steal" is the eighth commandment.)

Why am I bringing all this up? Because Buzzfeed just did a recap that all those Beanie Babies that were going to be worth so damn much that you should multiple and make sure you have a plastic hanger tag cover are in fact worth jack shit. Surprise!

Check it out here. How many Beanie Babies do you own?