This is a true story. I spent the weekend in my hometown helping my dad and his wife with my niece and nephew. My brother and sister-in-law went out of town without taking the kids for the first time since man was walking upright and I volunteered to help with kid duty. To be truthful, I actually wanted to help because I hadn't spent any real quality time with the kids in a while. At least any quality time they could remember. Being three and 18 months, the odds were a little bit better that they would have some recollection of this affair. At least my niece might.
It was during this ordeal that my dad suggested taking my niece to Chuck E. Cheese's for lunch...right in front of her. I don't know if she'd been there or not, but chances were good that she had because when she heard the C-word she was ON it. So that's how I ended up squatting with a camera phone on the steps of a giant rocking horse saying "This time try to look like I haven't abducted you."
To be honest, I hadn't been to Chuck E. Cheese. I'd been to Showbiz Pizza where the damn mouse wasn't even the most popular character, at least in my imagination. I most vividly remember the keyboard-playing gorilla. Maybe that's just me. However, not much has changed. Overpriced pizza and prizes, crappy tokens and pushy kids. And lots and lots of little assholes. I know they're supposed to be precious little angels, but let's be honest: most kids are assholes. It's the nature of the age.
Of course, my niece was an angel. I think she had a good time, but at three, she seemed more impressed with my Tide-To-Go stick than anything else. In fact, I think she started spilling punch on herself just so that I'd take out my "marker" again. I was more interested in the cool stamp we got when we came through the door. The company stamps your hand with a stamp only visible in black light and then stamps the same number on any of your kids. Before you can leave, you have to put your hands under the light again to make sure you aren't running off with someone else's kiddo. A step up from the scream until you find your kid method used in the Showbiz outlets.
All in all it was a great trip with the kids and I learned one gem from my niece: "We don't say crazy, Aunt. We say silly." Silly like a fox.
2 comments:
I took some friend's kids to Tokens and Tickets (the non-food version of Chuck's) recently and had a great time. Though all the little kid wanted to do was ride on the "ride" which consisted of 3 card on a 5 foot tall carousel. All I wanted to do was play skiball.
Dear god, I hate children...
Post a Comment