Creative Frustration

You know what happens when you know there are things you need to do everyday and you don't do them? Yeah, things become hairy.

I'm not talking about things that need to be done to live (breathing, eating, sleeping, etc.) or to feel better about things (cleaning, cooking, taking care of pets). I mean things that you need to do to feed the soul. Or my soul in particular.

After years of trial and error, I've nailed down my needs to a few simple things that I need to do daily to feel productive and be happy:

• Give or get a hug (husbands and pets are wonderful for this not turning into something very creepy)
• Do something physically active (Early morning workouts help my soul and sanity)
• Eat well (not just ENOUGH food, but good food. Food that I don't feel the shame sweats about eating).
• Write. 

It's the last one that has once again been alluding me. And for the first time in my adult life, I actually felt the need to create. I yearned to put pen to paper and make something bigger than myself. I felt a need to be a writer. 

I always WANT to write. Don't get me wrong. And I always find reasons why I don't really have time to do it. I get up early already to work out. I don't have a lot of time at home with the husband anyway. I have work stuff to go to. I have to friend stuff to go do. 

Here's the truth I know: If I don't write, I get unhappy. If I get unhappy, everything else suffers anyway. 

So, it's time to get my shit together YET AGAIN (this is a cycle that I realized never stops) and to put thought to keyboard. I sifted through my notebooks of writing and realized that I've actually got the plot and chapters of three novels already drawn out. 

Now to write them. 

Guess who's back?

Remember me? I'm the person who used to blog. Previously known as Ashley.Currently known as the person who does nothing but work. But I'm changing that. Because 2014 wasn't a ton of fun. It had all the elements of fun, but none of the actual fun. Essentially I was a fun facilitator. I made fun possible for other people. Which was great for them but not so great for me.

That's what my goal is for 2015. Have fun. Be intentional. Make my own decisions and not let decisions make me. Know that I am not that important. There are other that can do things faster, better or just as well as I do. It is not life or death that I mark everything off my to do list every day. It is okay to say no. Limits are my friend. Setting them is my gift to myself. It will make me happy. It will give me sanity. Sanity and happiness will make me more productive. But in the end, no company, client or account will ever love me like my friends and family.

As I take a deep breath and languish in the last few hours before returning to work (yes, I was there on Friday, but when you're at work and you're not getting 20 emails an hour, you're not really feeling like it's work), I will remember to be happy. Have fun. Be intentional (does this sound like a mantra? It might end up being a mantra. Or it might end up being something that I chant to myself in the corner as I'm rocking myself in the fetal position after I get 100 emails within the first 3 hours of work).

Be happy. Have fun. Be intentional.

I Love Tacky: Lawn Flamingos

Irresistible

When does a lawn flamingo seem crazy? Maybe the better question is when doesn't it seem crazy. Perhaps they seem impractical when you don't have an actual lawn. But I wasn't going to let a little thing like not having a lawn deter me from these bad boys.

This weekend I passed these old school flamingos and fell in love. It was reminiscent of the moment I saw my purple purse and knew we were meant to have fun times together. The logical side of me was debating whether I really needed lawn flamingos when I had no lawn nor really a good place to put them. Then I realized that Chef has three small fruit trees so it seemed like a silly thing like land ownership wasn't something that stopped our family from things we want.

I took them up to get a price check and found out they were $12.99. A mere pittance for not one BUT TWO plastic pink flamingos. It was about this time when I saw this on the side of the box and it sealed the deal.

All I need for happiness and fun are pink flamingos? Yeah, that seems about right.

In an homage to Three's Company, I've decided to name them Jack Tripper and Chrissy Snow (no one really liked Janet anyway). If you can persuade me otherwise, I might dub them something else (I've already dubbed them Unforgiven).

Jack and Chrissy and Genghis

I Make Time Because They Make Me Happy

Going along with the falling back in love with books theme, I also did a little personal inventory of things that I am making time for because they make me happy. Or maybe the actions themselves don't make me happy but the end results do. So here are my weekly goals that I hope to keep track of things that make me happy (Yes, I realize it's a little sad that I have to have goals to do things that I enjoy, but I'm a goal-oriented person):

• I will chat with Chef every day. Pretty easy most days. Not so easy when I'm travelling.
• I will read 100 pages of fiction each week.
• I will write something creative (fiction, non-fiction, blog) each day.
• I will write at least 5 pages each week of something for my fiction or non-fiction pieces.
• I will record my calories-honestly-each day.
• I will try to be honest with my self, even when it's hard.
• I will do some form of exercising each day even if it's just walking (more than normal, of course).
• In my off hours, I will try and let go of having a "schedule" in my head and just enjoy the moments.
• I will email a friend or family member each week just to see how they are.

I've had these in my head for a while and will post how I did on Saturday. There are some other ones, but those are private. I know I've met some of the goals already. Others. . . well, I still have two days.

And I Was Happy

I was on the phone with a friend from Nashville on my way home from work tonight. I hadn't chatted with this friend since I'd moved out here because 1) it has only been 3 months and 2) those three months I've been gone happened to coincide with her busiest time of year.

But as I was talking with her and she was asking me about LA, my new job, my new company and life, I realized just how excited I started to sound. The words came out of my mouth so easily with a joy that was so natural, I didn't really notice it until the end. It made me realize that so much has happened in the last three months, but the big thing that has happened is that I'm happy. Not partially happy or "would be happy if. . ", but truly happy with where my life is and where it's heading.

Don't mistake happiness for complacency. I still have ambitions and plenty of goals. I just realize that it's time to take stock in happiness. Here's what I'm happy for:

• I got to travel across country on my own timeline with the man I love and meander through the country-side seeing all the sites that I wanted to.
• I got to move-in at my own pace to a place that we found by luck and only now realize how good of a deal it is. I got the time to arrange things the way I wanted them, unpack fully and get acclimated to my new neighborhood.
• In one of the worst economies in US history, I was able to steadily book job interviews for a variety of industries.
• I was also able to land a job in about 6 weeks of concentrated looking at a company that treats its employees exceptionally well.
• Said job is interesting and fits well to my skills and makes me realize how much I could offer.
• Chef and I are getting married and in a low-stress way.
• For some reason, I'm less hungry and have access to work out any time I want so I can try different restaurants and not weight 200+ pounds. . .again.

Happiness abounds and while I'm working to having a network of good friends in LA, I'm lucky I still have a bunch of great friends in other places that I can call.