Friday, September 28, 2007

Yes and I feel very touched to have done so

This morning I was walking my usual route before work. Almost back to the apartment. Because Chef and I live in the city, we're used to all kinds of things. One thing I'm used to is getting stopped for directions while I'm walking. Normally, it's not a big deal.

This morning, however, I was walking about a block away from being back home when a big ass blue Hummer pulls up and then proceeds to honk at me. Now, I wear headphones, but I'm also not blind and therefore observant enough to see a car pulling up beside me without having the horn of a small barge blown into my ears.

In the driver's seat is a pretty, petite blonde woman with too much make-up and in the passenger seat is a clean cut looking guy wearing a cowboy hat and a gap toothed smile. The woman was a little caustic when she asked "Where's the Pancake Pantry?" Now, seeing as I've moved to the South, I am a little more accustomed to getting a pleasantry such as "Excuse me" thrown my way, but since the horn honking incident, I had no such expectations.

"Go up to the light, take a left and it'll be two blocks up on your right," I said.

She leaned over the guy and screeched at me to repeat the directions. The guy looked a little embarrassed. I repeated the directions and got ready to throw my headphones back on and motor on when the blonde chick looked at me and said "You've just given directions to Dean Strickland!" and then took off. I did have time to give them the eyebrow raised- I don't care look and see the guy was mortified while mouthing "Thank you" as they sped off.

I don't know who the hell Dean Strickland is and I doubt that I ever will, but this morning, I gave him directions.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Sometimes I'm an Idiot

It's not that hard to believe if you know me, but sometimes I can get myself into some very unique situations. One of which happened yesterday. I wore pants with cuffs and high heels. Separately, not too bad, but together, a lethal combo. A friend of mine got her high heel caught in the cuff of her pants and took a tumble down some concrete steps that lead to a dislocated elbow and a full arm cast for 6 weeks.

I, however, not only have the combo of the pants and heels, but my pants are not at least a size too big and fall off my waist when I walk. As I was going to a meeting, I told my friend that my biggest fear was that my heel would get caught and my pants would come down. It didn't happen going to the meeting, but on the way back from it. I was walking into our office, my heel caught, my pants came down. That would be enough, but there was an underwear situation that had me bare assed in front of my office. Luckily with my reflexes of a cat, I was able to crotch down and pull up without anyone inside noticing. My friend, however, got to see the full moon.

Good times. But at least I'm not in an arm cast.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I Hate Bill Belichick

There are many reasons why I hate the coach of the New England Patriots, but let me be honest and start with the real one first:
  1. I am an Indianapolis Colts fan and the Patriots have beaten us at some very inopportune times. I put it out there because very few people like a team that continues to win over and over and the only thing that makes that worse is when the team they beat is yours.
  2. Cheating is cheating is cheating. Steroids, videotaping, referee influencing. They all give an unfair advantage, even if the person doing it isn't exactly sure what that is.
  3. Bill Belichick has always been praised at being a master of details, a game plan for anything, and yet he claims to not have known the rule about videotaping an opposing team's defensive signals. We're not that stupid.
  4. The whole league, and the Patriots specifically, were warned that the NFL would be watching this year. Where does Belichick choose to tape signals? In New York, the home of the NFL's main office. Do the words "above the law" mean anything?
  5. The stupid torn sleeve sweatshirt. It's ugly and I'm sick of it getting all the attention.

Okay, now I feel much better. Let the football season roll on!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

More What? Mashed Potatoes?

So I'm old enough now where I don't mark on a calendar when the Video Music Awards are. Actually I never marked them on a calendar, but I did use to watch MTV and thereby knew the air date by osmosis.

However, being that football season kicked off this weekend, I have better things to watch than an awards show. I did, however, log on the next day to see Britney's first post-baby, non-night club performance. Look, we all know that Britney's songs aren't musicall good, but they are usually musically entertaining. Meaning they might not remind us of Beethoven, but they do put a nice little jaunt in our step. And she's had some real shitty songs that have just plain sucked. But the one thing that made Britney Britney was that she could take a shitty ass song, add some glitter thongs, dancing midgets, albino snakes and a dash of lesbianism to come up with a truly entertaining performance.

This year was the exception. Girls want to be Britney because she's got a hot body and some great stripper dance moves. Her performace to "Gimme More" (which unlike it's title does not really invite anyone to want more of anything except choices on the radio) was slow, boring and so uninspired that even my lazy ass could've performed the dance routine. When an overweight nearing 30 year says with confidence that she could've out-gyrated Britney Spears, it's time to get a new choreographer.

Look, I applaud any woman that's had two kids in two years and dares to put on a bikini or lingerie for her husband, but doing so for the whole world to see is a little different. Britney wasn't fat by any stretch of the imagination, but her stomach was considerably more rounded than the last time we'd seen it without a child growing inside. Wearing an outfit like that is setting people up with high expectations and then having them come crashing back at you in the tabloids you already loathe and use umbrella's against. Some stylist needs to have the balls to tell that girl that she can be sexy in something that doesn't create the negative publicity.

Does anyone else wonder how long Britney's hair has gotten since she shaved it off and what her natural shade is?

Monday, September 10, 2007

Nearly Everything's Going My Way

Perhaps it's the skeptical nature in me, but nearly everything is going my way right now which leads me to wonder when the shoe is going to drop.

What's going my way?, you ask. Like I said, nearly everything. My lifestyle change program (aka weight loss) has been going great. Chef is ultra-supportive and I'm actually finding that I love eating fruit. Vegetables take a little more effort, but I'm choking them down as well. Plus I've come to realize that a lot of smarter choices adds up to pounds lost. I'm down 14 pounds in 6 weeks. Not too shabby and I'm not hungry all the time.

Plus last week my aunt sent me a big box full of shoes, scarves and a purse that she was cleaning out of her closet. Needless to say, I racked up a lot of new footwear.

Also something I wrote and submitted a year and a half ago was selected to be printed in an anthology meaning that something I penned will be in a book next year. I'm excited because I've been in newspapers, magazines and online, but never in a book. It seems so permanent and grandoise that I love it.

I got to see my niece and nephew last week (and brother and sister-in-law, but let's face it, when you get older you can't really compete with two adorable children). My football teams both won. My friend got married without a downpour on her and it was a beautiful wedding (at which I caught the bouquet). All in all, things are going well.

I would take bets in my head as to what will come crashing down first, but then I wouldn't be able to enjoy the good times.

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