Thursday, February 21, 2013

A Gross Post-- You've been warned

I was thinking about this yesterday and to be honest many times before but I've never expressed it. It probably doesn't need to be expressed, but frankly I don't care.

I'm currently in day two of an Internet cleanse. I'm sure it's total bullshit, but I'm sucked in. It is only supposed to help flush the system and shed bloat, not actual ponds. The fact that that is the only claim it makes actually makes me feel like it might be legit. You drink 60 oz of a water, dandelion root tea, cranberry juice and lemon juice mixture. Then you pee like crazy. And because I am already a water drinker AND a massive pee-er, it's making things interesting.

The dandelion root is a mild diuretic, so you drink this, it flushes water retention, and you shed some water weight. You still eat your normal diet, so there's no starving. Literally just flushing the system AND the toilet for the 20 times a day I'm peeing, but hey, at least I'm adding steps to my pedometer. I'm totally down for that because I was puffier than normal last week.This could all be psychosomatic, but  I did shed almost two pounds in 24 hours, which is not like me.

But that's not that gross. What this mild cleanse has me thinking about is a much larger, more in-depth cleanse. I want to swallow the liquid version of a pipe cleaner and clean my insides out. Has anyone else had this desire or I'm a just being weird? I want to try and get anything that's backed up in my colon out. Like those people who do those intense cleanses and then photograph their long, nasty fecal movements that look like snake skins with plasma attached to them.

I want to have photo-worthy bowel movements, and then have Chef had to talk sense into my so I don't post them to the blog because that would just be crazy.

Basically, I'd like to internally clean house and start over again. Who's with me?

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

I Cut My Own Bangs

This is a literal title of the blog and my life. I was sick of having an extra inch of fringe hanging in front of my eyes. I couldn't stand it, so I did something about it. I watched a Youtube tutorial, read a few beauty mag posts and then went snip, snip. And you know what? It didn't turn out so bad. They look fine and even, and best of all they're out of my eyes so I can see.

The problem is that my stylist has quit styling hair. Even bigger problem: she was a fucking hair magician with the color. She's the only one whose ever colored my hair red. And now while I'm wishing her luck as a paralegal, I'm dragging my heels in finding someone else to make magic on my head. (read that as dirty as you want to)

The other problem is that I don't treat my hair so great. I wait until I can't stand it, which is about two weeks past it looking good, and then I call a stylist and have them fit me in. Now that I'm without stylist, this is a bit harder. Plus I got my aesthetician to give me the name of someone who knows all the stylists in this beauty professionals collection that I go to, but the guy won't return my calls. So I'm up shit creek without a dye job. It's sad.

Until then, at least I can see.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Can We just Agree that Chris Brown is a Dirt Bag and Move On?

I know this picture isn't really Adele
yelling at Chris Brown, but I'll pretend
it is. 
There are many people who are famous and their fame baffles me. Here's a short version of a long list:

  • All of the Real Housewives--yes, ALL of them
  • Pamela Anderson
  • All Kardashians
  • Paris Hilton
  • Nearly all reality TV stars
And also on the list is Chris Brown. The difference between him and the above is that Chris Brown actually has some talent. But where does it say that a modicum of talent can propel you to be above the law, decency or the threshold of asshole-ness? No where.

Aside from the beating of Rhiana, which she has clearly gotten over, there are the multiple run-ins with others that end in fisticuffs (which is an old ass word that I love to throw in). Some are reported and more public because they happen with other celebrities (Frank Ocean) and others just get a line in Brown's long list of offenses. 

The absolute point of no return for me, which honestly shouldn't have surprised me but somehow did, was when his community service was called into question because some of the documentation was sketchy. So sketchy that the police chief involved resigned.  Really? You can't do the community service you were ALLOWED to do because you DEALED down from a more serious offense?!? 

Can we all just band together, declare him a dirt bag and then refuse to listen to, buy, or support his music? I wish this above world peace because I honestly believe this has a shot in hell of happening. 

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Three Days of Productivity Down....Infinity to Go

I don't know if its because I'm busy at work, or that I'm trying to be busy at home, but I've felt exceptionally productive since I've banned laziness from day. I've cut down on surfing the Internet unless I'm doing it for a certain reason. I'm returning more personal emails so that I have something to look forward to in my inbox other than Sole Society or Bauble bar sale emails. I feel good.

And as an unexpected side effect, I've actually not fallen asleep on the couch this week. I have been energized enough to go to bed between 11-11:30 instead of 10-10:30. I have not hit the snooze button ONCE (yes, I know it's only Wednesday, but small victories, okay?). Unfortunately, this has not had the desired effect of landing me to work much earlier because traffic (even with my minimal commute time) has been a bitch. Such is the case of commuting in LA--even if it is only 4 miles.

However, I have been waking up sore. And for a change it hasn't been because I slept funny. The bright side is that I've been sore because I've been working out at night again. The sad side is that I've only been working out for 12 minutes. Let me be clear: I do run/walk intervals for 30 minutes on the treadmill in the morning and I run stairs for at least 10 flights a day. But the toning/strength training is only 12 minutes. It only takes 12 minutes to make me sore.

All in all, I'm happily productive. Of course, the more you do, the more there is to do.

Monday, February 04, 2013

The Lazy Must End Someday, Might As Well Be Today

This pretty much sums up my attitude lately.
I realized this morning that I've been very lazy lately. I probably realized it a while back, but was completely unmotivated to do anything about it. Which really perpetuated my laziness.

Luckily, I'm not work lazy. When I'm there, I get shit done. But because I am productive at work, I use that as an excuse to be unproductive everywhere else. So I get home, run a few flights of stairs to meet my fitbit goal and then try to figure out what is the absolute least I can do to eat dinner. Oddly enough that has not meant fast food (that would require getting my car and leaving my apartment, both of which I'm too lazy to do) or cereal. Typically it means leftovers. Which is kind of a contradiction because leftovers imply that I was at one time in the not so distant past NOT too lazy to cook.

Another sign of my laziness, is my hitting of the snooze button. I never really do it. I don't typically believe that an extra 30 minutes or so of fitful sleep will make me any better off, but again, I've been too lazy to get up on the first try.

But today I decided to get off my lazy ass and start being productive outside of my day job. I did not, however, decide that until after I had hit the snooze button this morning. But nonetheless, the thought counts. I got home and did not watch a minute of TV until 8:30 when I sat down to dinner. Instead I not only ran my allotted stairs, but also did a toning routine. Then I made dinner, prepped lunch tomorrow, and roasted kale. As a side note on the kale, whoever says it tastes like chips clearly has never eaten chips.  I mean, it will do in a pinch for a quick hit of veggie vitamins, but roasted kale is not giving Lay's a run for its money.

In between all the kitchen maneuvers, I also did three loads of laundry, wrote on my book and am typing out this blog post. I plan on not hitting the snooze button ONCE tomorrow. And hopefully propelling this momentum for another day.

Except tomorrow instead of laundry, it's gonna be writing time. Today clean clothes, tomorrow clean soul.

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