For Halloween, I'm going to be annoyed

I don't know why it surprises me, because at this point it really shouldn't. At this point, I need to either quit bitching or get another job. It's not like I haven't tried on both accounts; I'm just not very lucky.

Today my co-workers went to lunch and then to a local game place to celebrate a huge event that we had on Saturday. The catch was that everyone that even remotely worked on the event was invited to join them. . .except me. I did all the publicity, did a media tour for two days before it, sold sponsorship on it and was at the damn event. Yet none of that was memorable enough to score an invite. Okay, I take that back. I did get invited; just as they were on the way out the door. Not last week like everyone else.

Yes, I'm bitter. And I'm also stupid. This is about fifth time something of this nature has happened. I wasn't invited to the Christmas party. Didn't get to go to the Thanksgiving shindig. Was not welcome at the same little swaray last year. I should be used to it. But honestly, it just pisses me off that I work so hard for people that could care less.

Now that that's been vented. The only thing that has brightened my dad today has been a van paintly EXACTLY like the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo with a guy dressed as Shaggy driving it. Oddly enough, it reminded me of my brother.

Where do you find a Playboy party in the center of political debate?

Duh! You can't have a Senate race without accusing one side of going to a Playboy party. The single male candidate in this state said he didn't go to the Mansion, but went to a Superbowl party sponsored by Playboy in January. His direct defense: "I like football and I like women. So I went."

Of course instead of talking about practical issues, such as gay marriage, Iraq or stem cell research, we've resorted to hearing about a dude's bitchin' spring break. Sounds like the nerdy candidate is jealous.

I'm so ready for election season to be over with. It should be interesting, because I do have a vague interest in politics. At least enough of an interest to vote, which is more than I can say for the majority of asses my age.

On another note, I'm preparing for our big fundraiser this weekend. I will again be escorting a weight loss celebrity around the town, hitting various media and elementary schools. It would be fun or at least a change of pace if it wasn't so damn tedious and repetitive. I've heard the story so many times, I know it by heart. Besides the days are really long and I'm already exhausted. On the bright side, it will be over on Saturday and my next big event isn't for a few more months. Yeah, a respite.

Oh and Go Cardinals! Kenny Rogers sucks and his chicken wasn't all that good, despite whatever Kramer felt. However, Kenny did have some damn good Mac 'N Cheese. They only have one location now and its in California. Not Detroit.

Babies are the New Souvenirs

Do you remember when you'd go on vacation and bring back a lighter, some jewelry, maybe a little piece of art as a souvenir? So, when did children become the hottest souvenirs?

We know about Angelina Jolie's penchant for having her own little Benetton ad ready at all times. If you don't know, you must have missed the 150 jokes about it on Saturday Night Live. I understand about wanting to help out the impoverished, but wouldn't it be better done as a whole and not just one at a time?

And Madonna's adoption also pisses me off because that child HAS a father. Are we sending the message that culture is not nearly as important as money? Would you rather your children know who they are and where they came from or be raised by a rich person? I wonder if we, as Americans, have lost a true sense of culture.

Or perhaps this is our new culture. It's based off of our learnings from the 80s. Apparently the master of America's new outlook on life is Diff'rent Strokes.

On another note, I saw perhaps the funniest thing on a car since the "This truck's too low for a fat ho" incident. Swinging from a chain wrapped through a truck hitch were two oversized testicles with a silver plating. It was like the car was a dog and I was staring straight up its ass. Unfortunately, camera phones were not made for moments like these. However, I believe this site has them for sale if there are any interested buyers. Beware, it is adult content.

You Can't Spell Class without The U

Yes, it's nearly 5 days since the brawl between the University of Miami and Florida International, but it's still fun to talk about. Mostly because this is the most attention Miami has gotten in a while for anything related to the football team. I honestly think this must have been Larry Coker's way of getting scouts to check his kids out for the NFL. At least some got some attention.

But was is enough? Probably not. We have to admit that in the real world if someone stomped on someone else's head, they'd not have to sit out a week at their rec league softball team. They'd get jail time and something worse. Even the NFL put harsher sanctions on Albert Haynesworth and he didn't even start a brawl. Isn't the whole point of college to prepare people for the world outside of school? Then why should people face much less stringent restrictions for their actions than they would on the street.

Besides the fact this incident also got a sports commentator sacked for his take on the brawl. Something about not going into the OB (Orange Bowl) and disrespecting. I understand patriotism. I understand school spirit. But I've never in my life been willing to lose a job for either.

On another note, we must celebrate! Non-married households outnumber married households for the first time in history. Encouraging news for those of us living in sin and benefiting from domestic partnership insurance.

We Didn't Even Keep Score

Remember playing t-ball when you were a kid? You'd go, get a cool t-shirt jersey and smack the ball off a t. Then you'd claim victory in the end because no one kept score. The best part of the game was racing for your free coke (I always got a suicide--a delightful mixture of all the flavors our concession stand had to offer WHICH included Big Red).

Now there are t-ball play-offs?? Apparently a youth baseball coach in Pennsylvania (which has been the happenin' state of news lately) paid a player on his team to throw a ball at one of his teammates. The purpose? To injure the teammate, an autistic child, so that he couldn't play in the game. Why? Because the autistic kid wasn't as good as the other players and might've hurt their chances to win . . . a little league play off game.

The absurdity of it all takes me aback. Especially since the guy just got sentenced to prison time for the scandal. Is a little league game worth 18 months in prison? What do you tell the other guys that you got put in for ? Because saying you paid a kid $25 to bean an autistic child probably wouldn't win you a lot of street cred in prison.

The coach, Mark Downs, looked like the kid who never got a trophy as a child. If only he'd have heard about Jason McElwain. McElwain, also autistic, was the manager of his high school's basketball team. As a senior, the coach played him as a reward for all his hard work. McElwain went in and scored 20 points in 4 minutes. I'm a sucker for sentimental sports stories and this is definitely one of them.

On another note, I'm breaking out like I'm wearing a Crisco mask at night. What the hell? The last time I broke out this badly was Precious's wedding. Damn!

Damn You, Terrell Owens

For those of you that hate my sports blogs, be warned: This is one of them.

I'm pissed at Terrell Owens. Most of the sporting world is and most of the fans that don't live in Philadelphia or Dallas are, as well. He's a textbook case of how public relations can work for anybody. Get your name in the papers enough and people will start to think you're better than you really are. He's branding himself and not the kind of brand that frats use for "fun". Unfortunately, he might have household recognition, so his plan is working.

No one argues that Terrell Owens is a good receiver. Notice that I said good. There are receivers that are great. Take Marvin Harrison, who entered the league the same year as T.O. He has more years with over a thousand yards in receiving than T.O. He has more games played (no suspensions to deal wtih) and been noting but a strong and silent leader.

But that's not the reason I don't like Terrell Owens. I don't like Terrell Owens because all the attention he gets is overshadowing the one other nutjob on the Cowboys: Mike Vanderjagt aka Jimmy Canada. Jimmy can't get any attention for his mouthing off at quarterbacks or poor performance if Terrell's taking the spotlight off of him.

I can admit that Jimmy Canada is the most accurate kicker in football history. That little stat comes on every time he prances out onto the field. What I don't see flashing is how many kicks he's made in play-offs. I can remember two play off game-winning kicks (one against the Steelers of course and another against the Dolphins) that he shanked. Of course, when the team loses a play off game by more than a field goal, he has no problem placing blame on others. When it comes down to three points and he misses, he has no problem pointing the finger at others. (Can you tell I'm still bitter?)

So, T.O stand down for a while and let M.V. be the a-hole of the Cowboys for a while.

Two Stories to Illustrate Why I'm Not ready for Kids (or want kids instead of a gun)

Usually I can spend a mere two to three hours with my niece and nephew to realize that kids aren't in the cards for me. . .yet. I'm not ruling them out as a possibility, but when I start to imagine grand world trips, I know where my heart is leaning. One or none at this point, people.

Then I read delightful little stories that we pass off as news and become even more scared and horrified. First there's the woman that used her child as an object to beat her boyfriend with. I've been exceptionally mad at Patrick, but I'd like to think that my baby wouldn't be used as a bat. Maybe that's just me. But the possibility still is out there enough to scare me.

Then there's the foster mother that's trying to give her child back. She adopted him and now wants to unadopt him. Apparently he had an extensive history of abuse, mental health problems and suicide attempts that the STATE NEVER TOLD HER.

I understand that a child has a right to privacy, but when he is a threat to others and this woman spends her life adopting foster children, then something needs to be said. She only found out any of it because as a 12 year old, he sexually molested a 6 year old and 2 year old. While taking him to his trial, a caseworker showed her his file. That's just not cool and yet another reason while I don't have the patience or sainthood needed for foster kids.

So, basically, the media is starting to scare women sterile. They better be careful before we all catch on.

Well, I must now go home to change clothes for an event I totally forgot about. Monday night events are like that. You have so much focused on the weekend that when someone says "Are you excited about tonight?" and you draw a blank, you know your weekend was good. Mine was fabulous. I drove up to Greyskull, hung out with He-Man and She-Ra, Precious and Mr. Precious, and Swampy and Swampette. I only wish Chef could've rounded out the bunch.

Lizzie Borden was apparently very graceful

I've been noticing quite a few ads lately touting a new ballet around town. It's based on the story of Lizzie Borden, the graceul little girl that allegedly murdered her parents with an axe. This feel-good pre-cursor to the Menendez brothers is now being plie'd around town like it's nothing. Do you think in 100 years someone will come up with a ballet based on Ted Bundy?

Is it vain to want a web site? I'm thinking of starting one where I can have more options with interactivity and more chances to stand out. Some asshole took my brilliantmediocrity.com, which he started after me. I have no proof that he took my name, but the dude is a geology major from UT. I'm just saying.

I've come up with some alternative domain names. Basically, it would just be a hobby for me to spew my rhetoric into the nation. Perhaps my own sports section, celebrity section and then my own musings. Some feedback on this would be nice. If I build it, would anyone come?

Elmo, Pancakes and a Rebel Flag

Have you ever just looked at the pictures on the front page of a newspaper and not tried to put them in context? Just look at the paper and don't read headlines. Don't glance at cutlines. Just look at the pictures and then tell me that corporate journalism hasn't contributed to the crappyness of some media outlets. Particularly, my media outlet.

I love newspapers. I loved them so much that growing up there wasn't anything else I wanted to be but a writer at a newspaper. But I'm not. I'm in PR which in college sounded like the eqivalent to selling your soul. I was actually required to read a book called "Toxic Sludge is good for You." The whole thing made me realize that PR people can be the most deceitful people in the world. So, I chose to offset selling my soul with selling it cheaply for a non-profit. That way at least the message I was pushing was similiar totoxic sludge: good for you.

But I digress.

Today's paper had, above the fold mind you, a picture of an Elmo doll, a picture of a Confederate war reenacter in full garb standing in front of a Confederate flag, and pancakes. Please bear in mind that I don't live in a small town. It's a major metropolitan area. So in 24-hours, I find it hard to believe that the most important stories we have to offer were as follows:

• TMX Elmo is the this year's hottest Christmas toy and all stores are sold out of it. Replace TMX Elmo with Xbox 360, Tickle Me Elmo, Furby, Cabbage Patch Kids, etc. and you have the same story every year. It doesn't need to be on the front page.
• Confederate reenacter is pissed because they won't let him use a real gun or wave the confederate flag at a public Civil War reenactment. Maybe it's just me, but the idea of having a man who dresses up for fun and clings to the hope of one day proudly waving the confederate flag again, having a loaded weapon in the middle of a big crowd seems like inviting trouble. It's a government event, buddy. Deal with it.
• Pancakes: It's what's for dinner. This wasn't an actual article, but just touting an article in the Living section about Breakfast being the new Dinner. I shit you not. Didn't elementary schools figure that out when they began their "Upside Down Day" experiment? Scrambled egg tostadas don't seem that revolutionary to me.

I'm just tired of getting everyone else's news. All the papers in the country seem to be running the same stories with the exception of 4-5 local stories they plop in for good measure. I don't want stories about a party thrown by a local magazine that happens to be owned by the same company as the paper it was printed in.

Synergy is BAD, people. Not everything needs to be cross-promoted.