Not Scandalous, but juicy

I am in the midst of listening to Kathy Griffin's audiobook, Official Book Club Selection. And I have to give mad props to Anne because she totally called it. While I love Tina Fey and loved Bossypants, I'm loving it less now. Mostly because I realized that she didn't really reveal anything about herself or any good dish. While Kathy does toe the line some times on not divulging too much (she holds back during the talk show ban section but she explains that its because she's still trying to get on these talk shows), she tells WAY more about herself, her family and her life than Tina did.

And Kathy actually does the voice work on the audiobook, which is a lot like her stand up. I actually can't tell if she's reading the book or just using it a jumping off point for other stories to throw in there. Either way, it's a hoot and worth the listen. If Confessions of a Prairie Bitch is as good, I'm gonna be a happy camper.

• Pages of fiction read: 192
• Fiction read:- Finished up Big Girl Small. and reluctantly began State of Wonder while trying to block out my Ann Patchett experience
• Fiction listened to via audiobook: Finished Downtown Owl by Chuck Klosterman (not a big fan of it in the end) and started Official Book Club Selection by Kathy Griffin (see above)
• Creative writing every day: yes
• Five pages written: Yes. And I might be on to something. Either way, juices are flowing.
• Calorie tracking: Had one day over my calorie allotment, but I was way under on my weekly average
• Exercise:Yup. Two-a-days intact.
• Friends and family: Couple calls, a few texts and one email
• Weight Loss: Down 1 lbs. Only 2 more before my pedicure. Although my talons are getting long so I might have to break down early.

Until next week!

I Wanted to Like Her. But I Couldn't.

Ann Patchett. The name itself was enough to get me in the audience. In fact, I had talked about her enough that Chef was the one who actually suggested we go when he saw she was speaking in LA. From the same series that brought us the Tina Fey-Steve Martin interview came the Ann Patchett- Maile Meloy conversation.

We went to this cool, old train station turned art gallery space and sat obediently in our folding chairs. I had brought my copy of Ann's latest book (purchased direct from the publisher at a book fair in CANADA!, by the way) in case I wanted to get it signed. I tweeted my excited. She was not only an author that I adored, but from NASHVILLE and could help bring a bit of longing to life. I braced myself for fun. She stepped onto the raised platform in a very Brentwood-housewife looking blue dress.

And from there on, I was utterly disappointed and entirely annoyed.

First of all, to call it a "conversation," as it was billed to be, would be doing it a disservice. It was primarily 90 minutes of Ann Patchett talking about herself and dropping names like they're hot. She told a few funny stories, but then preceded to drop her personal friendships with three prominent female writers, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, a famous opera singer and her numerous editorial connections into the whole thing. It was obnoxious.

She took credit for bankrupting Gourmet magazine because they bankrolled her elaborate trips for novel research with her just selling them an article. She said she didn’t do it because she couldn’t afford to pay for the trip, but because she didn’t like to make elaborate travel plans and they had a department to do that for her.

She mentioned having her first piece published in The Paris Review, but being confused because she hadn’t submitted to The Paris Review. She had submitted to Esquire, but they had passed it to The Paris Review without her knowing. How weird! (She said that with undeniable pride and I admit I’m envious, but also a little ticked).

She mentioned lots of things that mostly just made me angry. What she didn’t mention was that she has the luxury of writing because her husband, a doctor, takes care of little things like steady income and health insurance.

Mostly I was just irritated. I felt no humility or feeling of luck for her having won the genetic lottery. I mean, she’s white. She was born to parents who were pretty well off (mother is a nurse, stepfather is a doctor). Those two things helped her get into Sarah Lawrence College. And from there, the rest is history.

Of course, Ann Patchett’s talent is truly something to marvel at. As much as I’m now disappointed in having met her (and why I will probably never really want to meet Matt Damon or Peyton Manning), I still appreciate that she can sure write. I just now have to separate the author from the work to appreciate it. Which is really what I’m doing with Jonathan Franzen too.

Anyway, the whole night was sitting there wondering if I was the only one who thought she was utterly obnoxious and looking at the room full of aging yuppies. Many people in their mid to late 50s wearing gorgeously made, expensive clothes that they put together to look like shit. Bad, short women’s haircuts and men wearing “statement” glasses—big, bold, black rims and odd shapes. They were people ready to be mobilized into doing something for society, but instead of putting that to actual use, they rallied around the idea of the independent bookstore and the evils of Amazon and the Kindle. While I understood the message, I thought it was a little diluted for them to be nodding their heads vigorously to Patchett’s battle cries against mass booksellers while I literally watched some of them guzzle Starbucks coffee. (By the way, Patchett described her contributions to the bookstore she’s planning on opening in Nashville as the “flash and the cash”—also a little retching).

It was all in all too much. I couldn’t believe that I was the only one who wasn’t drinking the Kool-Aid. It wasn’t until I left and Chef said “So, what did you think?” tentatively that I realized there was at least one other person who felt like I did.

“I think that I’m a little sad that my favorite author is an asshole,” I said.

“I’d call her a ‘Douche in a Blue Dress’,” Chef replied.

The floodgates then opened as we exchanged quotes from the evening that left us both with a bad taste in our mouths. And for the second time that evening I truly appreciated Chef.

I want to go to there. . .

Last night Chef and I went to see Tina Fey and Steve Martin at the Nokia Theater. I'm a huge Tina Fey fan and was so excited when Facebook actually targeted me with the right ad. Because if it wasn't for the Facebook ad that popped up on my profile a few weeks ago, I don't think I would've known about it. So, score one for you, Zuckerberg.

Anyway, I asked Chef and he was game for going. He was also smart enough when he bought the tickets to also buy a parking pass so we were zipped into a space without having to navigate around the Kings fans. He's a master like that.

Unfortunately because I live so far from work and the theater was close to our house, we didn't get downtown with a lot of time to kick around walking. There's also not a lot of quick food options at LA Live, so we ended up just going into the theater and grabbing some cocktails, and food at the bar. It was also nice because we each got a signed copy of Tina Fey's book with our ticket price, so we got those real quick and sat down.

I'll admit that I've soured to Steve Martin in the last several years. I've heard too many stories of him being an asshole from too many sources for at least 10 percent of it to be true. Also, I'm not a huge fan of his writing. I read Shopgirl and while it wasn't terrible, it also probably wouldn't have gotten much attention if it hadn't been written by Steve Martin.

So I didn't know who would be interviewing who between the two because the tickets and show title didn't really clear that up. Luckily, it turned out to be Steve Martin interviewing Tina Fey. And it was pretty funny. I was mostly glad to see (as I suspected, but there's always the chance for disappointment) that Fey is as funny and smart in person as she writes and portrays. In fact, she was so quick-witted that she actually left Martin in the dust a few times.

All in all, it was a great event for me. I loved it. Chef was a little bored, but I can understand. They weren't doing stand-up; they were talking about Fey's book. It was a pretty funny conversation, but you could tell it wasn't entirely spontaneous. Which, frankly, as someone paying for a ticket, I almost appreciated the effort more.

However, knowing that I admire Tina Fey and yet she's only 8 years older than me has me thinking. And those thoughts could take me two ways:

1. Depressed because I haven't done nearly enough in my own writing to have made any kind of traction and because I never did the true artistic suffering stage in my youth, or
2. Motivated to finish my book, write every day and see what kind of magic LA has in store. I've heard that dreams come true here. I'm not sure how that gets verified, but I'm willing to test it out.

So, inspiration moves on and I am so excited to live in LA because I get to go to events like this that don't happen anywhere else. Plus Judd Apatow, Catherine O'Hara and Adam Scott were in the crowd. That added a little star shine.

I'm sitting here wondering: Who wants to go with me to the next talk they're hosting? It's not gonna have 5000 people and it features one of my favorite writers, Ann Patchett. Anyone?