Making time for Me

If you've been checking back here lately and not found a post, well honestly, you must be a relative. But anyway, you may have surmised that I've been busy. You would be right.  

In the last few months, I've had a stretch of working 38 of 40 days. Then working a ton during the week. Then a few more weekends.  Don't get me wrong. I love my job and I'm thankful for it, but in the near compulsive need to please people (clients, bosses, coworkers, husbands), I've forgotten to please someone pretty important: myself. 

I'm not unhappy, but I'm not as happy as I could be and frankly the fault is my own. I know myself fairly well. I know that I am most satisfied when I take time for myself to do the things that feed my soul. My soul is hungry. And no amount of gummi bears or cheeseburgers or lazy afternoons on the couch will make me feel better. 

So I'm going back to what makes me happy. Unless I'm in danger of missing a client deadline, I am going to leave the office before 7 each night. I am going to workout every weekday. And by workout, I mean work up a sweat. I will do something to move my dreams each day. This will probably involve having fun with my novel in Scrivener, which is awesome. 

And so this post is like so many more where I have to remind myself that I'm important. Taking time for myself is not selfish. 

And all this to say thank God I don't have kids. I don't think I could stand the guilt. 

I Haven't Changed. . . I'm just less stressed

Tonight Chef and I drove to Laguna Beach to have dinner with my dad and Robin. My dad has a conference in Orange County that starts on Tuesday and luckily, I'm off tomorrow for President's Day. It will be my first President's Day off and I don't think there's any better way to celebrate than by Chef and I showing my Dad and Robin around our neck of the woods.

But anyway, we had dinner tonight at their hotel restaurant. Although to call it a "hotel restaurant" is kind of a misnomer. The place was SUPER hopping and had great ratings on yelp. The food was very good. But clearly the company was better.

And while we sat and chatted, I realized that I had changed a little since I left Tennessee. By changed, I don't really mean that my personality is all that much different. Because frankly, it's not. I may be a little more open to new things, but always feel like I had a cautiously adventurous spirit. I say "cautiously" because I always feel like my risks are calculated.

But I have changed in the sense that the intensity of my life is dulled. I guess another way of saying that is I'm less stressed. I think a big part of that is changing jobs. When you work some place for 9 years, you set yourself up for a few things. 1) You begin to get an unnatural attachment to things, 2) you begin to think of yourself as indispensable, and 3) you wonder if you are your job and doubt that you're strong enough to separate yourself.

So, I realized that a job doesn't have to be THAT intense. Not that I didn't love it. I've come to realize that I can be driven to do my best, but I don't have to give 90 percent of myself to my job. I think it's helped Chef and I too. I'm able to be more to him and I'm happy to do so.

So maybe the change isn't so bad. It's a relaxation thing. I hope it sticks.