I Haven't Changed. . . I'm just less stressed

Tonight Chef and I drove to Laguna Beach to have dinner with my dad and Robin. My dad has a conference in Orange County that starts on Tuesday and luckily, I'm off tomorrow for President's Day. It will be my first President's Day off and I don't think there's any better way to celebrate than by Chef and I showing my Dad and Robin around our neck of the woods.

But anyway, we had dinner tonight at their hotel restaurant. Although to call it a "hotel restaurant" is kind of a misnomer. The place was SUPER hopping and had great ratings on yelp. The food was very good. But clearly the company was better.

And while we sat and chatted, I realized that I had changed a little since I left Tennessee. By changed, I don't really mean that my personality is all that much different. Because frankly, it's not. I may be a little more open to new things, but always feel like I had a cautiously adventurous spirit. I say "cautiously" because I always feel like my risks are calculated.

But I have changed in the sense that the intensity of my life is dulled. I guess another way of saying that is I'm less stressed. I think a big part of that is changing jobs. When you work some place for 9 years, you set yourself up for a few things. 1) You begin to get an unnatural attachment to things, 2) you begin to think of yourself as indispensable, and 3) you wonder if you are your job and doubt that you're strong enough to separate yourself.

So, I realized that a job doesn't have to be THAT intense. Not that I didn't love it. I've come to realize that I can be driven to do my best, but I don't have to give 90 percent of myself to my job. I think it's helped Chef and I too. I'm able to be more to him and I'm happy to do so.

So maybe the change isn't so bad. It's a relaxation thing. I hope it sticks.

Best. Boyfriend. Ever.

Today was a great day. Probably one of the best days of my professional life in terms of accomplishment, but then I get home and Chef makes it better.

After a day of jubilation, I walk through the door and am greeted by the smells of pot roast, mashed chipotle sweet potatoes and broccoli. He's cooked dinner and is putting on the finishing touches. I no sooner get the "thank you!" out (as it's 7:30 and I've been working late), then I go into the bedroom. On the bed are a pile of my clothes that he washed and folded. I change out of my work clothes and into my comfy clothes, make my way back to the kitchen and Chef has a glass of wine waiting on me. How did I get so lucky?

While I always appreciate this kind of help and treatment, the fact that he knew that I was having a high stress week was extra special. What it comes down to is this: Nanna nanna boo boo. He's mine. Not yours. I'm so lucky!!

Too many bad decisions catching up with me

There are days when months and weeks worth of bad decisions seem to come to the forefront of your mind and sleeping then seems impossible. I've been having the last few weeks like this. None of my bad decisions were cataclysmic, or at least causing death or physical injury. Some cause hurt feelings and an increased waistline, but hopefully time and exercise and better decisions can help fix those.

There are times when I feel like I put work ahead of all else and start to feel exceedingly selfish. I'm not home enough. I'm not with my friends enough. I'm not writing enough. It makes me wonder if I'm hiding behind the job so as not to have to really live or if I'm just an overachieving control freak that has to do the best I can at things that are measured. If I put a goal to friendship that was measured bi-annually, would I be more likely to try and achieve than just to let it go?

And then there's the inner struggle of knowing that even if I make bad decisions, that doesn't make me a bad person. I'm still a good person that makes mistakes. And my mother always told when I was stressing out too much and losing my hair in high school (yes, I had a bald spot that time and cortisone injections helped cure), "There are few decisions in life that we can't unmake." I might eat chicken planks from Long John Silvers, but I can have a salad and try to make better choices today. I can be home in the 5 o'clock hour instead of the 7 o'clock hour. I can listen more and talk less. I can let things go. I can be a better friend. I can start today.