Words and Phrases that Makes No Sense Out of the Workplace

Is Mila trying to increase
her ROI here?

I used to look at things happening in my corporate jobs with a sense of cynicism and sarcasm. Unfortunately, the longer I'm in the "business world," the more I not only don't notice these things, but I actually do them myself. And I don't like that. I need to remember how to be a real person, if not inside the hours of 9 to 5, at least outside.

So here's my list of words or phrases that have completely weird or irrelevant meanings in real life (and by "real life" I mean the actual lives we live when we WANT to live them, not the life we live to earn money to support that life):

• Vision: outside of work, if someone used the word "vision" I assume they're a psychic or have just taken some psychotropic drugs.
• "Think outside of the box": What is this box to which you are referring? And why does a cliche meaning to not be a cliche warrant a cliche? (did you get that all?)
• Pain point: typically an elbow if I've hit my funny bone (which is actually a nerve) or my knees. Because they are pointy and I have bad knees.
• Return on Investment (ROI): I have decided to measure my love for my cats based on their return on investment. I will use the dollars we spent on them in their lifetime and measure that against the amount of love and joy they give me. Since Khubla is a shelter cat with no health problems, he's looking like the cat with the best ROI right now. Wonder if this works with kids. . .(and if it does, I wonder if my parents ever derived my ROI. Hmmmmm)

What're your corporate words or phrases that bug you?

Is the Pope Catholic? And does he hate women? Same answer to both.

I can't assume that the pope hates women, but I have really been struggling with this whole birth control debate. Growing up Catholic, I know that they have to remain hardcore about their beliefs (they being the clergy), but I would think that that would also include the belief of protecting children and telling the truth--and we know how those have turned out lately.

So the Catholics (which technically I was confirmed into, but I consider myself non-practicing) are against being made to offer birth control to their employees. They don't, however, have a problem offering Viagra. And this is what absolutely kills me. Erectile dysfunction is what people consider a "medical ailment," so it is covered by insurance now. Can someone point out one case of erectile dysfunction that has caused death? And I mean direct death, not some angry repressed middle-aged man who beat the hooker who made fun of him.

Birth control pills have been shown to prevent not only babies but also ovarian cancer, pelvic inflammatory disease and infertility, not to mention cysts and painful periods. Being on the pill does not make you more promiscuous. It makes you responsible and isn't personal responsibility something we all strive for?

Aside from the larger debate, it just pissed me off that the people make this decision are men. Men who would't let women testify at the congressional hearing (how is okay that NO women were allowed to give testimony--I find it impossible believe that NO WOMEN were qualified to talk about birth control-- REALLY?!?!?)  and when they were given the chance to testify, one big loudmouth calls her a slut and a prostitute. Just so I'm not accused of taking things out of context, here's the whole quote:

"What does it say about the college co-ed Sandra Fluke, who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex, what does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She's having so much sex she can't afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex. What does that make us? We're the pimps."--Rush Limbaugh on his show, February 29, 2012.

I wonder if Rush thinks it's okay for us to pay for his Viagra or if he pays for that full price. What about all those painkillers he's addicted to?

At least I can say that the bill still stands. So suck it.

You Can't Pick When You're Famous

I say this a lot and Chef and I have debated this, but my feeling is this: You can't pick when you're famous and when you're not. It's like being pregnant: there are stages of it, but when you are, you are (I am neither famous nor pregnant by the way). You can't pick to NOT be pregnant because you want to go on a sushi bender nor can you NOT be famous because you want to have your own little hissy fits.

Case in point: Gisele you cannot speak out to make breastfeeding for six months a LAW and use your fame to try and lobby for it or say really obnoxiously superior stuff about your kid BUT not want attention when you respond to a heckle about your husband's Super Bowl loss. Have you never been to a football game? Let me rephrase that: have you ever been to a football game and NOT sat in a luxury box? The whole thing is one big heckle. Toughen up. Or at least don't say anything back because you ARE famous. Someone WILL record it and make you look even more like an idiot. (For the record, had Abby Manning made some comment about Peyton NOT being in the building that had been recorded, I think it would've been big time news too. Just sayin'.)

On another note, it's not your place to say anything, no matter what kind of fame you have. Blaming co-workers for something is lame in itself, but blaming your HUSBAND's co-workers is even more lame. I actually have had one instance in my career when a colleague's wife called me up to bitch me out. It was the worst and made life awkward between me and the colleague forever. Partly because I was pissed at him for letting her call and partly because he was pissed at me for yelling at his wife. Not a good idea in ANY situation.

And lastly, to all those guys (and a few girls) out there who have said "She's Gisele. She can say whatever she wants." Or "Tom wins because he gets to go home to that." I have to say this: Being hot does not give someone carte blanche to say stupid stuff and act inappropriately. Stop reinforcing this idea.

Woman vs. Woman--Who do I agree with?

From my Mom's first --
and only--Komen Race For The Cure

The news around the Komen Foundation and Planned Parenthood's recent royal rumble has me wondering which side I sit on. As most of you know, my mother died from breast cancer and I have been a big supporter of the Komen Foundation ever since. But this recent withdrawal of funds from Planned Parenthood has me rethinking if maybe my funds and efforts shouldn't go to a different organization.

I love Planned Parenthood. And before you get all political on me, know that I support them because in my time of needing health care for issues and being a young woman without insurance or with bad insurance, they stepped up to make sure I got the cancer screenings and check ups I needed. And so I support them today because they were there when I needed them (although I wish they would spend less of those donations on all the direct mail pieces and email I get, but with my background do I really have a right to complain? I'll stick with yes). I know there are strong political feelings around Planned Parenthood and lots of people who disagree with me, but they can write it on their own blogs. Ninety-seven percent of the MILLIONS (this is literal) of services the nothing to do with abortion. NINETY-SEVEN PERCENT. I don't think that shutting something down or out because of three percent of services that people don't agree with is the right thing. I mean, if we had a presidential election where 97 percent of the people agreed on the winner it would be a miracle--not a sticking point.

I have come to think from seeing the evidence and leadership at the Susan G. Komen organization that the revoking of support of breast exams through Planned Parenthood is a reaction to a political debate. Masking behind it being a policy against companies under investigation gives WAY too much power to any politician who wants to investigate anything and doesn't really jive with one of our other branches of government--the courts. I think an "innocent until proven guilty" approach would be a better way to handle it, if its needed at all. Frankly, I find the excuse a flimsy retroactive one  to cover actions they were already taking.

The good news is that despite only seeing ONE color during October, there are many organizations that help fight this disease. I think I'm going to look to the Dr. Susan Love Foundation to receive my future support. I am also very happy that the senator that now represents me has signed a letter asking the Komen foundation to reinstate its support.

Paula Deen and Diabetes? You Don't Say!

Paula Deen's favorite ingredient

Paula Deen announced today that she has Type 2 diabetes. Shocker. An obese woman who advocates pounds of butter in her cooking and smokes developed diabetes.

What ticks me off is that she waited 3 YEARS to announce this--and ONLY after she had already inked a deal to hock diabetes drugs. Why did she wait? She says that she wanted to become more knowledgeable about the disease before taking a lead out front. Seriously? It takes three years to learn something? One more year of "learning" and she could've gotten a college degree in it.

Chef argues that she has a right to keep her illness a secret if she wanted to. I would probably agree, but she's a celebrity. The rules are different. Especially when you make your money on selling fattening foods in a restaurant or a cookbook or a TV show. The moderation she now says she preaches? Where was that when she was developing her recipes or picking things for the show? Could she not have shown a regular and a healthy version? NOW her sons are doing that. Now. After three years.

Why does the three years bother me? Because Forbes estimates that Paula Deen makes $4.5 million per year from her cookbooks, products, TV show and restaurants. So, that's $13.5 million that she made by keeping this a secret--but it wasn't for the money.

Paula Deen doesn't just sell her recipes. She sells her personality and skills too. And for me, her personality took a big hit today. Maybe I'm the only one.

What do you think?

Day Trippin'

A bird hanging out on the coastline

There are many benefits to living in LA, but one of them is that there's a lot of day tripping opportunities. Yesterday was a bonus one. I was asked to give a presentation at our company's sales meeting that is being held in San Diego. Because it's only a few hours away and because I was only a part of the meeting for a few hours, I decided to take advantage of the day trip opportunity. And because Chef was also available, we got to go together. We took a long way down and stopped at some sights. He went off to take some pictures and then we met up for dinner together. The only bummer of the entire day was at the restaurant. I had seen them on Food Network and picked them because they have famous fried ice cream. I have been craving fried ice cream for a few months. We had a really good dinner--it was great Mexican food. The hitch was that they had RUN OUT OF FRIED ICE CREAM. How does that even happen?!?! I had a giant pouty face for at least 10 minutes. But I got over it. Here are some pics from our trip (my presentation not included, but yes, it went well):

Chef taking a picture. Military helicopter in the background.

Birds hanging out at the view point on the scenic route.

More birds

End of the day Skinny Margarita

Help Settle a Debate

This is a motorcycle that is parked regularly in our lot at the apartment. Look at this photograph for a moment and then help settle a debate Chef and I have. 

Done looking?

Okay. Does that license plate mean:

• Bard's Word
• Broadsword
• Or something else altogether.

Please enter your opinion in the comments here or on Facebook. Thank you.