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Tuesday, September 08, 2009

At Least I don't Have a Year Old Rotting Pumpkin in My Living Room

When I was feeling sorry for myself in the past, I was able to pull myself out of the funk by qualifying my life. Thinking "At least I don't have cancer or heart disease or some other ailment that requires a national non-profit to combat" or "at least I still have a job" or "At least I have full use of all my limbs".

However, lately the old stand by qualifiers don't seem to be doing the trick. I think part of it is that we've all been held hostage by the economy for the last year (or more) and so we're suffering some kind of mass Stockholm Syndrome that makes us think that there's not a lot more that can be done that would be all that bad. Heck, the economy is now our friend. We should listen to it when it says take out a huge ass mortgage on a teacher's salary. Oh, wait that's how it lured us in the first place.

It wasn't until watching "Hoarders" last night as I was trying to fall asleep that I finally found a qualifier statement that I'm fairly certain will last me at least until the housing boom starts up again. The show is as creepy as it is great, but it made me realize that no matter how dirty my house gets and how cluttered it may be, there's never going to be a time where having a year old rotten pumpkin lying in the middle of my living room floor can be rationalized.

So, can't sleep?
No, but at least I don't have a year old rotten pumpkin on my living room floor.

Work suck?
Maybe, but it doesn't suck nearly as much as having a year old pumpkin lying on my living room floor.

Gain a pound?
Sure, it happens. But at least I didn't gain 5 pounds of rotting pumpkin mush on my living room floor.

Yep, I'm pretty sure this is going to last me a while. Thanks, "Hoarders".

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