Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Is 33 too young to start thinking of your mortality?

Lately I've been obsessed with time and I'm not sure why. I feel like 33 is pretty young and therefore I should be LESS worried about time, but then I think of all I want to do with my life and the spiral starts again.

Maybe this is the consequence of having a parent who died relatively young. Or maybe I'm just slowly going insane. Or maybe I'm too ambitious. I really have no idea.

It was kicked back up lately because of a news story about how freezing eggs is now considered common practice and is covered by some insurance companies. They featured a woman on there who was 38 years old. Only five years older than I am. This freaked me out.

While the whole "should I have a kid?" debate is really for a completely different blog post (if at all.) To be honest, the kid thing has been a feeling that has been a pretty steady "no" for the majority of my life. And while I'm not sure it will change, I abhor the thought that my indecision would make a decision for me. Not just for this decision, but really for any decision. I want to be the person creating my life and not letting it just spring up around me.

But I digress. This is about time. And all the things I'm scared that I won't get finished. First of all, I am afraid this damn novel will never get done. Then I'm afraid I'll never get to the point of owning a home. Or eventually having a job where I work for myself (that's less about time and more about fear). But honestly, isn't it all really about fear? I always thought I was fairly fearless, but come to find out that's not so much case. So now fear of dying before things get done is becoming my mantra.

I guess I have two choices: 1) keep thinking these morbid thoughts and do nothing or 2) use this to do something. I'm probably more of a choice #2 person. Any advice?

1 comment:

Will Schweitzer said...

Put your tiara back on, grab a cocktail, and go forth.

Kevin and I stopped to talk about how ludicrously fast time is passing by these days. We're busier now than ever (Kev is launching a new company) but one thing has never changed: we always make time to unwind, relax and reflect (vacation!) and we always have yearly goals. Hopefully the latter turn out to be stepping stones for our major life aspirations (even as ridiculous as those might be).

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