Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Is 33 too young to start thinking of your mortality?
Maybe this is the consequence of having a parent who died relatively young. Or maybe I'm just slowly going insane. Or maybe I'm too ambitious. I really have no idea.
It was kicked back up lately because of a news story about how freezing eggs is now considered common practice and is covered by some insurance companies. They featured a woman on there who was 38 years old. Only five years older than I am. This freaked me out.
While the whole "should I have a kid?" debate is really for a completely different blog post (if at all.) To be honest, the kid thing has been a feeling that has been a pretty steady "no" for the majority of my life. And while I'm not sure it will change, I abhor the thought that my indecision would make a decision for me. Not just for this decision, but really for any decision. I want to be the person creating my life and not letting it just spring up around me.
But I digress. This is about time. And all the things I'm scared that I won't get finished. First of all, I am afraid this damn novel will never get done. Then I'm afraid I'll never get to the point of owning a home. Or eventually having a job where I work for myself (that's less about time and more about fear). But honestly, isn't it all really about fear? I always thought I was fairly fearless, but come to find out that's not so much case. So now fear of dying before things get done is becoming my mantra.
I guess I have two choices: 1) keep thinking these morbid thoughts and do nothing or 2) use this to do something. I'm probably more of a choice #2 person. Any advice?