Tuesday, November 27, 2012

30-something going on 20-something?

Chef got the new Taylor Swift album for me. Feel free to poke fun all you want. Mostly he did it because I asked him too and then because he loves to make me happy. I've been listening to it shamelessly for the past few days. I like to turn it up, roll the windows down and then watch the hipsters and Hollywood homeless look at the old weirdo listening to Taylor Swift in her Nissan Sentra. It's fun.

Part of the reason I like listening to Taylor Swift is because it reminds me of my late teens and early twenties. The whole being bad at relationships (although I don't think anyone is ever really GOOD at them; we're all varying shades of bad), hanging out with my girlfriends until the wee hours of the morning, eating at Denny's or Steak 'N Shake because they were the only things open. It was awesome.

And I don't really want to repeat it. I love getting together with my girls every now and again for some wine and good food, but I'm fairly certain that my intestinal tract and liver can't handle the kind of abuse I used to put my body through.

But more than anything, what I realize is that I didn't have all those failed relationships that most girls get to have when they're young. I spent most of my efforts on massive unrequited crushes that took up my time and energy but only left me wounded for a moment before I moved on to the next. There were a few that were stronger than others, but in the end, did I ever have those guys that I hung out with forever, made out with just as long and then dumped or got dumped? Not really. Part of that was being overweight and not feeling that I was attractive enough to land a guy. Part of it was having high enough self-worth to know that I didn't find most of these guys all that interesting.

Sometimes I wonder if I would do things differently if I were to go back. Would I truly try to be in more relationships? (Poor Chef had to deal with the brunt of a lot of my relationship naivete) Or do I just feel like I missed out on something that I probably wouldn't have enjoyed all that much in the end? Who's to say, I guess. In the end, things didn't turn out too shabby. Which is something else I also bob my head to and think about as I'm rocking out to my Taylor Swift songs.

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