Is this the furry face of a monster?

He looks all sweet and innocent, but deep down, this guy has a problem. An addiction or compulsion really and if he had the ability to understand me, I'd try an intervention on him. His addiction? Plastic.

I'd start with "Attila, your addiction to plastic has hurt me in the following ways:

You chew through plastic bags containing carb-laden food that I love. The holes you create then allow the others in your pack to pounce on the food inside leaving a nibbled, soggy mess.

If makes it impossible for us to leave out anything that crinkles and isn't a cat toy.

You have gone into my purse--my purse!-- and taken out plastic Ziplock baggies of tampons. Okay, I admit it. It's funny to see your furry, guilt-stricken face as you try to scamper off with the bag between your teeth."

Yesterday morning Chef said  "Honey, Attila left you a present out here." as I was getting up. Typically this means the occasional hairball or perhaps something coming out the other end, but that morning it was an actual tampon that he had nibbled through the top of the plastic wrapper of. He has a fascination with all feminine hygiene products. I know it's the plastic, but I also think they have a different smell that attracts him.

Weirdo. I guess until Jeff VanVonderan is available for cat interventions, I'll just have to be more protective of our plastic and my tampons.

A Bunch of People Here Who Love You Like Crazy. . .

Sometimes I think Chef and I are the only two people who still watch South Park. Then of course, there was the whole editing of last week's show and threat on the lives of Matt Stone and Trey Parker. So I know at least some Muslim extremists have heard of the show.

I have to say the rest of the world not watching is missing out. This season has been pretty damn hilarious. And this week was one of my favorites because it combined my love of Jeff Van Vonderen and Intervention with the hilarity of South Park and my favorite characters of Butters and Kyle.

And that clip doesn't even take into account some of the funniest parts of the episode. The only part I would critique South Park on is that the "Jeff Van Vonderen" character doesn't specifically say that "there's a bunch of people here who love you like crazy." Every true Intervention fan knows that line is a prompt in the at-home drinking game version.

Soon NBC Will be Show Crazy Guys

I thought I was alone until my friend Julie commented on it too. What the hell is up with the programmers at TLC? With Jon & Kate Plus 8 off the air, have they tapped out their creativity? Not enough ridiculously large families to follow with TV cameras?

In case you haven't seen them, TLC is launching two new shows: Addicted and Hoarding. Aka a crappy rip off of A&E's wildly successful Intervention and Hoarders. Watching the promos makes me think back to the movie Coming to America. The part where Cleo McDowell (played by John Amos) explains the difference between his restaurant McDowell's and McDonald's ("They use a sesame seed bun. We use a poppy seed bun. See?"). TLC is using poppy seed buns.

I mean, unless Jeff Van Vondern is telling me my family loves me like crazy, it's just not worth it. Besides, I know that Chef loves me enough to know that if it's the off-brand Interventionists coming to talk to me, I'd totally scoff and demand Ken Seeley show up before getting help.

And if I'm expected to clean up my house, then it better be a clinical specialist in hoarding that helps me and not some generic specialist that wanted some attention on TLC.

Am I alone here? I'd be ripping on NBC if they suddenly green lit a show about Chicago Ad Agency workers in the 60s and called it "Crazy Guys" or "Ad Dudes". It's just so uncreative. I mean, it's not like there aren't other topics to do on reality shows. I think non-profits and the crazy things people say to people who work there could fill at least a couple seasons just for Nashville. For example, the American Heart Association (where I work) has to have a line on our answering service that says "If you're experiencing the warning signs of a heart attack, please hang up and dial 911." Our front desk has also had to walk someone over the one block to emergency room because they were having chest pains. That's one episode right there!

I'm just saying. . .

My Name is Ashley and I Have an Addiction.

The first step is admitting the problem, right? Well, I already know that I have an addiction to TV, but lately it's a more specific addiction than that. I'm addicted to Intervention and the ID channel.

Perhaps I'm phrasing it as an addiction just so that someone will want to do an intervention and therefore call the TV show Intervention for help. How happy I would be to sit in a hotel room with my family and Jeff Van Vonderen (he's my first choice--Ken Seeley my second and if it has to be Candy Finnegan then think again) telling me that I have family that "loves me like crazy"! Plus it would be 90 days of self-reflection, therapy and good weather. They rarely send a person to a crappy place like Nebraska. It's always some place sunny and by the sea.

The downside would be the whole addiction thing. Even my meager addiction to TV would not be enough to be sensationalized for the show. I'd have to go all out and like lose my job, friends and perhaps maime a cat before I'd qualify.

My other addiction is disturbing as well. I'm addicted to real life murder mysteries and serial killer profiles. Our TV automatically goes to Channel 111 (aka ID-Investigation Discovery) to check out Dateline or 48 Hours Mystery. I see the words "Ted Bundy" and I think "YES!". "BTK" sounds interesting to me. I don't want to die by the hands of a killer, but I am curious to know about those who have.

So, if I'm at home with Chef and the cats, chances are good we're exploring death, addiction, murder and cat litter. But not necessarily in that order.