Things that Hold Up Well

I was told that I have held up well. I took offense to that on many levels. The base one being that I rarely hear this said about guys and found the whole observance fairly sexist. The second selfish one was that I was offended that I was an age where that seemed like an appropriate way to compliment me.

Technically, I guess I'm over the hill by show biz standards, but despite my proximity, I don't live by "showbiz standards." It's not the business I'm in. In my business, there's a mix of young and old and I am firmly planted in the middle. It's also a good reason why they probably call it "middle management." Because we're so very middle in so many ways.

All that aside, I thought about holding up well and while I am proud that I'm not looking like a meth addict or like the next cheeseburger might be the one that does me in, I didn't really love being told that I was "holding up well." Next time, just say "You look good." Don't add any qualifiers ("for your age," "despite the bags under your eyes," "for your weight.") God knows I add my own qualifiers in my head and am trying to get away from them.

When I think of holding up well, I think of the things below. What would you add?

Bridges

Bras
(admittedly some are better than others)

Viagra

Check it out again on Netflix
and see what I mean. 

This bitch is holding up very well,
but I hear she's had some work done.
Shit, did I just become anti-feminist
towards a painting?

The collective works of
The Beatles. 

Viva La Resolution!

Not mine, but funny. 

It's the day, time of year, frame of mind to think about beginning again. I like new beginnings. Even if it's only on the calendar. New beginnings mean new possibilities and what's life if we aren't thinking of how it could be even better.

Or maybe that's just me.  Maybe you've already accomplished all your dreams.

I, on the other hand, have not. So instead of just wishing things were different, I pictured how I wanted things to be different by the end of 2014 and worked my resolutions from there. Not sure it will be any different, but I'm trying it.

By the end of 2014, I will:

1. Have a literary agent. So to do that, it means that I have to have something I want to show an agent, which means I need to get to work. I'm dreaming big here, so go with me. . . 
2. Have 1,000 per week visiting my blog. I'm halfway there now, so really it means that I'll just have to post more, read more, share more, and generally be more engaged. I think I can do that. 
3. Be down 40 lbs. I'm beyond pudgy, and I don't have to be. I run consistently. But I also eat consistently. Consistently bad. I'm over it. Time to hunker down and shed some lbs. 
4. Say 'no' more often. Specifically 'no' to a few things: 1) time-wasting activities like TV for the sake of TV and Candy Crush. 2) Events or activities that I get guilted into doing or going to. 3) People who are draining without any benefits. 
5. Say 'yes' more. Specifically to new things that I've wanted to do but might be too chicken try and to hanging out more with friends who I say 'no' to for no good reason. Additionally, this also means that I'm going to ask more of others, specifically to take Chef up on his offer for us to go out to eat more. 
6. Made unplugging from technology a habit. No more answering emails at 10 p.m. because my phone is by my side. I will use the sleep mode on my phone. I will learn what items are truly emergencies and what ones are just other people's emergencies.
7. Put more into my time instead of putting more time in. This includes writing, reading, working, and being present for my time at home with Chef. 
8. Use my money for good instead of evil. This not only means spending or saving more wisely, but also not buying stuff that leads to negating other resolutions--like toys to waste time. My one exception is the aforementioned dinner dates with Chef. 

So that's it. That's my list. What's on your list?

I Believe I Can Fly...So I Did

Just off the ground

I have always wanted to skydive...except for the whole jumping out a plane part. I always thought that if I could fly without having to do something so inherently against my natural level-headedness it would be worth it.

When we were looking for apartments on a trip out to LA years ago, I was flipping through the promotional channel of attractions on the hotel cable channel and BAM! The answer to my request was right there. Indoor Skydiving. Simulated skydiving. Fake skydiving. Whatever you want to call it. A few months back a work friend was talking about wanting to fly but having the aversion to the whole plane-jumping thing and I mentioned the indoor skydiving. She was totally down for doing it.

Now flash forward last week to a staff meeting where a co-worker said she couldn't use her invite to a HR party at the indoor skydiving place and did any of us want to go, eat free Brazilian food and try out the wind tunnel.

Um, yes. That would be us over here please.

So last night my friends Meredith, Alexis and I went to iFly at Universal City Walk, ate some Brazilian ribs, and then suited up to fly. We got an adorable (and aspiring actor-SHOCKER) instructor. I think that being an attractive guy must be a prerequisite to being an instructor there because everywhere we looked there was a tall, handsome man who made flight suits look good leading a group of awkward-looking adults in goggles into the wind tunnel.

On our way or down with Ian, the instructor, photo bombing

Anyway, cute-as-a-button Ian gave us the hand signals and then lead us one by one into the booth where we flew up and down and then he grabbed our waists and walked us up on the wall of the tunnel so that we were about 2 stories up flying.

It was AWESOME.

And I think from the look of pure joy on my face you can tell I had a good time. I even paid money to get those pictures, but it was well worth it.The tunnel is out in the middle of City Walk, so as you're in there, there are a bunch of tourists that are taking pictures. I thought I would care more about that. I didn't.

I liked it so much that I might actually do it and PAY FOR IT next time. As opposed to a free corporate events cultivation party.

Another Award? Why thank you!

My friend Nicole over at Destination: Unknown was kind enough to include me in a blog hop award to help expose other people to new and different blogs. I'm totally into this and hope to do this thing justice. These awards are kind of like chain letters (Remember those?? When you were a kid did you ever do one just because?? I did. But I loved getting mail. Any kind of mail.) but still very helpful in seeing who out there blogs. However, I can say that I'm not sure that I know 11 blogs that could use the new audience--strike that. Everyone can use more audience, right? 

Here goes--the rules:

The rules of the award are that the nominee must link back to whoever awarded them, write 11 random facts about themselves, answer the 11 questions from the award giver, and then nominate another 11 bloggers and make up 11 questions for them to answer. It's a great way for new and undiscovered bloggers to meet new people, get more followers and find some blogs that they want to follow.

11 Random Facts about Me 

1. My cats are all named after war lords or great assassins (even our female cat).
2. I love composition notebooks, but only very specific ones.
3. I once lost a good chunk of my hair in high school due to stress.
4. Although I never wore a vest when I was a waitress, I always feel like a waitress when I wear vests.
5. I met my husband using a matchmaking website NINE years ago when meeting people through matchmaking websites was scary.
6. I still secretly hope they make a Gilmore Girls movie. 
7. I am addicted to diet colas of nearly any variety.
8. Because of shelving issues, whether or not I keep a book at this point depends on its weight.
9. I grew up in an Indiana town.Had a good-lookin' mama who never was around. I grew up tall and I grew up right with them Indiana boys on them Indiana nights.
10. I love dreaming about my mom, even if the dream isn't necessarily good.
11. I love zombie movies. Nearly any kind.

11 Questions from Nicole at Destination: Unknown

1.Favorite vacation spot of all time: Grand Cayman Island
2. Favorite book and why: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. When I read it, it really spoke to me for obvious reasons at the time.
3. What is your best physical feature? My face
4. What is your go-to outfit? Skirts and a t-shirt with a necklace or scarf and awesome shoes
5. Describe your first crush. He was my neighbor when I was a kid and I pretended like I liked other people, but I really crushed hard on him.
6. If you could go to dinner with any 5 people (dead or alive) - who? My mom, David Sedaris,  Matt Damon, Tina Fey and Al Michaels
 7. House is on fire - family made it out  - what is the one thing you grab? (you can only grab one). I'll assume by "family" you're also including the cats. My mother's/ my wedding ring
8. Tell me about your faith. In humanity, yes. In the good in people, yes. In religion bringing that out, not so much. 
9. Use one word to describe yourself. Smart
10. Theme song of your life? "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers because I know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.
11. Movie you most relate to. I wish it were Pretty Woman, without the whole prostitute thing. 

My 11 Bloggers (let's see how many I can get)

1. The Fabulous Baby Striblings: My friend Mandy who used to work with me at the American Heart Association (she still works there). Adorable twins and a realistic view on motherhood. And her crafting will put anyone to shame.
2. Simply Socks Yarn Company Blog: It's a company blog, but its a good company. I should know. I know the CEO. She's my buddy from college and has the hookup on some mad yarn. Check it out.
3. L and M: Another mother with a sense of humor and no sense of making motherhood look perfect. If you like snark and adorable children, this is the place for you.
4. The Lowe Down: Apparently I know a TON of moms who blog. This is another one. AND another AHA friend. Always a good read and girl knows how to throw a party!
5. Ain't Got Enough Gravy: Candice was in my writer's group in Nashville and the title of her blog alone should make you visit, but if you need more, she's like the non-racist Paula Deen, but with better food.
6. Word Strumpet: Charlotte is an author, a writing guru and a former mentor in a writing program that I was in. So yeah, she knows her shit.
7. Next Life Chapter: Another friend who's a writer AND a mom. How do they do it and make it look so easy?? Check out Beth's approach and get some pointers.
8. My Name is Sarah. . .:Sarah is a friend from high school, and a damn good writer. I always wish I'd have known she was a writer way back then! Instead I just have to read and keep up with her now.
9. An Angel's Share: I met Terry when we were the first graduating class of the Writer's Loft. He was then and still is one of the nicest and calmest people I've ever met.
10. Motherhood: Take 2: Natalie has been a friend since I was an intern at a newspaper. She was a brilliant writer then and now. Check her out.
11. I'm too tired to think of another one. . . .

11 Random Questions for them

1. What song always gets stuck in your head?
2. If you had to eliminate one word from the English language, what would it be?
3. What's your favorite curse word?
4. If you could pick your own name, what would you pick?
5. How much butter is too much?
6. Are you a dessert person?
7. What's the first thing you do each morning?
8. What celebrity makes you mad just thinking about him or her?
9. What ritual can you not seem to break?
10. What food could you live on for the rest of your life (if there were no health consequences)?
11. What plant or animal can you not seem to keep alive?

Okay, that's all for me!

Pancakes, Passions and Old Hometowns

Greg and I. He's hard to get
into a selfie, because he's over
a foot taller than I am!

On my last day out of town last week, I spent an entire day in my last hometown before my new hometown, Nashville. The day before I had had breakfast in Evansville with my stepdad and his fiance, and this day I had breakfast with my friend Greg at the Pancake Pantry. First of all, it was heaven sent because there was no line. Second of all, sweet potato pancakes. That's all I need to say.

Of course, it was also awesome to see my good friend. I met such awesome people in Nashville. That was the one reason that made it so hard to leave. Greg is special because he's my writing friend. He's more than that, but it's rare to have people that you trust with your creative writing and he's one of them. I can say things that sound ridiculous and lofty like "I'm just not sure if the characters are strong enough." or "My work doesn't feel so authentic"

Home of long lines and
sweet potato pancakes

without sounding like a pretentious a-hole because he knows what I mean. And isn't it nice to have a cheerleader who isn't your family? I'm his cheerleader too. The dude deserves all the praise he's about to get when he publishes. At least I can be one of the few that say the read him BEFORE the book came out.

After breakfast, I did some putzing around town. I got a pedicure at Signature Nails, a place that my friend Michelle turned me on to when I lived there. It's awesome and I still haven't found a nail spot in LA like it, but part of that reason is that most LA nail salons are $30 for manicure-pedicures. No, that's not each. That's combined. Mani-pedis are literally one of the few things in LA that are cheaper than nearly anywhere else. But you definitely lose something.

Then I headed to my old haunt, the AHA office. I had a late lunch with Kelly, Evon and Joyce. Caught up on all the people we used to work with and the way things have changed. It was awesome. Then I got to meet up with another friend, Alyssa and have some dessert as my last visit before I got on the plane.

• Total days of Vacation: 6
• Total miles driven in rental car: 1,054
• Total number of people seen: 37

TOTALLY worth it.

When I was a Nanny. . .

for the briefest of moments, I helped my cousin Monica with her four girls and my other cousin Julie with her son while Julie, her husband and her parents went to Europe. It was awesome. On the first day, I overcame a rookie mistake. We had just fed the twins and one was getting squirrel-ly, so I picked her up and lifted her above my head. . .and she promptly spit up into my open mouth. It was like the reverse momma bird treatment.

These are the twins now. (Brooke and Abbey in a tornado machine)

Yeah, I feel old. The oldest daughter, Paula, had just finished up kindergarten when I was helping out. She just graduated from high school. INSANE.

Paula (back to us) and Julieanne

My cousin Monica

Anyway, I met up with them all in Nashville at the Adventure Science Center and had a great time catching up.

Then I went over to see this cutie. How can I NOT want to stay at Julie's house when she lures me in with such adorableness?!?! I am super thankful for her hospitality. Especially since I was about ready to punch a baby to breath normally. It's a week later and I'm still getting rid of snot.

Luckily, I had gotten my Afrin and didn't have to punch anything to feel better. We ate some delicious food at the Southern and I complained incessantly about the humidity killing my spirit. All in all, it was awesome. I miss my Julie, but am so happy that I get to see her--and everyone!

I cannot say no to Miles. Could you? No. Didn't think so.

Miles leading Joey and Julie!

They Call them "Lifelong friends" for a Reason

The view from my rental car

 

In the next installment of my trip, I woke up early and trekked up to Indianapolis. While my family lives in Southern Indiana, my friends (aka family you choose) primarily live up north. I can't go to the state of Indiana, or really any where near it, without making an effort to see my girls. They have been my sanity when shit goes down, my humor when I need to laugh, my humility when I need to laugh at myself, and some of the only people who have seen my overly-dyed blonde hair shine under black light.

So yeah, they're fucking awesome.

Anne and Amanda, College Roommates/ Lifelong Friends

I drove many two-lane highways and in all my driving over the trip (ended up at 1,054 miles in 5 days), and the thing I remember most was "Wow! This is what it's like to drive somewhere and actually motor". My drive from Nashville to Evansville the first night was so dark and deserted at 9 p.m. that I freaked out a little bit.

Anyway, I made my way to Amanda's house, which is like another home away from home, and got to hang with her and Anne. Then we met up with Brooke and Lara at a great tapas placed in downtown Indy. It was kind of weird and kind of awesome to think that we hadn't been together in about 10 years. TEN YEARS!! I've seen most everyone individually during that time, but not together. When you see people every day growing up, it's hard to imagine a time when you won't see them everyday. Even harder to imagine a time when you don't see them every day and aren't dying from loneliness. But I guess that's what happens with adulthood.

Anyway, we had a four hour dinner and it was awesome catching up. It's moments like those when I remember my dad's saying "You only get so many lifelong friends in life." And he's right. There are only so many people who know you your whole life. While technically this group hasn't known me my whole life, they've known me for my whole adult life (aka from high school on), so I totally count it. They are my lifelong friends and I'm lucky to have them.

It was an awesome trip to Indy, even if it was short, but mostly I just appreciated everyone being able to come see me.

Anne, Me, Amanda, Lara and Brooke- 10 years is too long!

Who Gave Me this Lovely Dragon?

I came back to work on a Wednesday morning after being out of the office from a Friday through Tuesday and found this little guy waiting on my desk. I love him and he is perhaps my new favorite piece of office decor. He came at the perfect time as not only was it RIGHT before the "Red Wedding" episode of Game of Thrones, but also before I saw a rerun of one of my favorite 30 Rock episodes. The 30 Rock episode is one where Liz has Criss earn "Criss Points" to be cashed in for money to take her out on dates. If you freeze frame the tote board with ways to earn Criss Points, #1 is "Showing Enthusiasm for the Criss Points System" and #2 is "Referring to me as Khaleesi". 

Now that I have my own dragon, I feel like I am an honorary mother of dragons and therefore should be referred to as Khaleesi (I might even award you an "Ashley Point" for doing so). Now I need to name my little guy.

It was also be nice to know who left him on my desk so I can thank that person. I asked my usual suspects but came up with no answers.

And if this entire post is confusing to you, Congratulations! You must be one of those people who are too busy to watch TV. I assume you are a stranger to me. 

Annual Midwest-South Tour

Me, my cousin Holly and my aunts Mio
and Patty from one of my trips back
to Indiana. I love this picture.

I'm heading back to Nashville. . .and Evansville. . .and Princeton. . . and Indianapolis. . .and back to Nashville this week. It's my vacation! Or at least one vacation that I'm using to take my annual pilgrimage back to the land where I came from. My cousin is getting married tomorrow and I want to be there--plus I get to see a few other cousins and an aunt that I haven't seen in a long time. BONUS!

What's tough about these trips is fitting it all in. I fly in and out of Nashville because it's typically cheaper and easier than Indianapolis. I rent a car and the real fun begins. It's a little more than two hours from Nashville to Henderson, KY/ Evansville to see my family there. Then it's about 35 more minutes north to see my dad and the wedding location in the Princeton area. After that, I get up on Sunday morning to roll up to Indy to see MY GIRLS!!! No trip to the Indiana vicinity is really complete until I see my girls and start some trouble.

From there I go back to Evansville to see more family that I neglected on my first pass and then to Nashville for a little more than 30 hours of trouble with my friends down there. Then back to work next Thursday unless I collapse from exhaustion.

A blur. A whirlwind. A marathon. Whatever you call it, it's quick, packed and a load of fun.

It's still hard not to refer to my annual trips as trips home, but Chef corrected me a few years back. I did the same thing when going just from Nashville to Indiana. "Home isn't somewhere else that you visit," he had said. "It's where you live. And you live here." And he's right. Home is where I live, and I live in Los Angeles.

I look forward to going back each year and catching up, but it obviously also brings up so many memories. I'm lucky because the good ones outnumber the bad by a landslide.

While I was raised in Indiana, I like to think that I actually grew up in Nashville. And when I left, I sobbed like a baby in the moving van all the way to Memphis. Completely inconsolable. Chef felt horrible and asked me why it was so hard. "Nothing bad ever happened to me there," I said. It was a possible exaggeration, because I don't live a completely charmed life, but on the whole, only great things happened in Nashville.It was home.

Of course, almost three years later (CRAZY!!) I can say the same thing about Los Angeles. Maybe my life is somewhat charmed? I dare say, a semi-charmed life?

But I digress. It's time to return to the land where highway driving means that miles and minutes are virtually interchangeable when estimating drive times.

Lock up yo husbands. Lock up yo wives. I'm heading your way TODAY.

Good Friends + Good Wine = Good Times

The crew at winery #3

I've been remiss in thanking Kristie for hosting me along with some Nashville friends, Alyssa and Shea a few weeks back. It was awesome. And she and her fiance were great hosts--like above and beyond.

The making of the chocolate abomination

I'm not going to recount the entire weekend in its full glory for a couple of reasons: 1) I can't remember it all. It was that good. 2) protecting the names of the innocent AND guilty. 3) It would take too long and make too many people jealous.

However, some of the highlights included:

• Visiting three wineries in Temecula and having chocolate wine for the first time. I also believe I ate my weight in Brie, as apparently that is the only cheese worth serving at all wineries. 
• Scarfing down a cheeseburger at 9 p.m. on Saturday night like it's 3 a.m. on a Saturday night because I'm getting old. Or maybe it's because we started wine tasting at like 2 p.m. Yeah, that's it. 
• A beautiful brunch on a rooftop at a hotel overlooking the ocean in Laguna Beach. You would swear places like this were too pretty to exist. 
• Watching perhaps the grossest chocolate bar ever being made. It included red hot Cheetos and crystallized ginger. I forget what else, but I never did find out what the final verdict was on the taste.
• Making even more memories with great friends who hopefully had a blast in California (and perhaps can be persuaded to move here).

The beautiful sunset in Santa Monica

Dear Santa 2.0

I have no real reason to write to you. Not that I don't believe, but because there really isn't anything that I truly need. And while I can't say that I was entirely naughty this year, I can't claim that I was entirely nice either. I'm sure that cancels out somewhere in your listing-making capabilities, but I've never really understood how your system worked. I mean I knew some bitches who were spoiled by Santa so I found your methods a little flawed. I hate to criticize, but I'm also fairly certain that you grade on a curve so I'm not that scared any more. Maybe that's why you've given all those Elves on the Shelf their power. You need an enforcer to intimidate the children into good behavior. That's just not your strong suit, but it is a good use of management skills.

In any case, there really isn't anything that I need. We have our health, our home, full bellies, and no real worries. If there's such a thing as bequeathing my list fulfillment to someone else, please do so. If not, here's my ridiculous list for 2012 (also known as Holiday Spirit Quest item #24).

1. For my wishes to be bequeathed to someone who really needs some Christmas cheer.If you won't do # 1, then here's my list:
2. For the cats to adjust their bodies to want food at a more reasonable hour in the morning, like 6 a.m. when I normally wake up instead of 4:30 a.m. They really know how to mess with my sleep pattern.
3. If you can't fulfill #2, how about giving me the ability to sleep like the dead so that when the little munchkins start their stirring around me, I am not affected. 
4. Adjacent to #3, I ask to have legs of ice so that when Attila curls up next to me to sleep with his thousand degree body, my legs don't suffer third degree burns.
5. A fitbit and the ability to be motivated by it as I have been less than motivated in the last week to do much more than power walk in the mornings and lazily count my calories. Neither of which has motivated me to change my ways.
6. Momentum-building upon my motivation to finish my novel. The first one has to get finished before I can start on the next one that's in my head. Plus I need to feel that sense of accomplishment at finishing something that seemed like it would never get done. 
7. More LA friends and the desire to want to leave the house to see them. I actually made some headway on this this year, but I still have to really really like someone to leave my husband to go hang out with them. I'm sure that says something wonderful about my marriage and something equally bad about my anti-social behavior.
8. For my hairdresser to continue at least doing my hair even though she's officially quitting hair to be a paralegal. I wish her well and luck and will happily support her education with hefty tips if she'll continue to keep my "auburn" locks a shade that seems plausible in nature.
9. For the Colts to win a playoff game. If that's too much to ask for this year, I then ask that the New England Patriots and Tom Brady do not get another Superbowl ring. Or that Peyton Manning wins another Superbowl. I'm really not that picky as long as it's some combination thereof. 
10. Since I'm talking sports, I would be remiss if I didn't thank you for last year's early present of Christian Watford's 3-point basket for the win over Kentucky last year. I will not use this space to ask for anything for my beloved Hoosiers as they're just really fun to watch this year and I don't want to taint it too much with lofty, near-impossible expectations. I just want to enjoy a successful season.
11. One more night of debauchery with my oldest friends. I know that this is probably not going to keep me off the naughty list for the coming year, but it would totally be worth it. Not that I really want to relive my youth, because it was nice while it lasted, but I'm okay with it being over. What I would like to do is get Brooke, Lara, Anne, Amanda and Schultz together at someone's house or with a hired driver or both for one epic expenses-paid all-nighter. This doesn't mean drunkenness, but more great food, good spirits, some karaoke, and a night of no worries--no kids, no husbands, no curfews. One of the bummers of not having a formal wedding (and there really wasn't a lot of down side) was that there was no big excuse to bring all the girls back together. 
12. For the perfect red lipstick that compliments my skin tone and makes my mouth pop while staying only on my lips and not outside the lines. I would prefer not to look like Ronald McDonald.
13. The ability to eat candy corn and sweet tarts by the handful without any caloric effect.
14. To finally be able to make a suitable roux to make homemade macaroni and cheese that turns out smooth and delicious instead of having a slightly floury after taste. 
15. To be motivated and willing to actually use the beach chairs we have stored in the closet a few times this year without feeling like it's too much of a hassle.
16. To only use Pinterest for good and not evil.
17. The ability to continue to squeal with delight when I have those moments where I can't believe someone so cute and funny and wonderful chose me. 
18. To have more moments when I remember why someone so cute and funny and wonderful chose me. (It's because I can be awesome. And awful. But more awesome. At least I'd like to think).
19. To do something fearless this year and feel good about it no matter the outcome. 
20. Is my list starting to look more like resolutions, Santa? Sorry about that. I resolve to be more on point. I mean, I would like for you to give me succinctness and the ability to digress less.

Happy Holidays, Santa. I have baked many cookies for your visit, but sadly have eaten most of them. There is, however, plenty of broccoli and salad for your reindeer. Haven't touched that stuff lately. And help yourself to Chef's Egg Nog. Unless that would put me on the naughty list, in which case I say hands off.

Safe Travels and Merry Christmas (and to everyone that's reading this too!),
Ashley

Holiday Parties Out the Yang

A poorly lit photo of me and
a co-worker at our holiday
party. 

It's that time of year, isn't it? The time when you have a zillion holiday parties at various times for various people and with which you carry various levels of enthusiasm for?

I had three holiday parties last week and one the week before. Three of the four were work-related, because I'm still working on my LA friends. The one that was just the office and no clients was at a nice restaurant in Pasadena and included a Dirty Santa or White Elephant or whatever else you want to call a random gift exchange with present swaps and stealing. (What other names are there?) I ended up with a belly full of red wine, chocolate souffle, hangar steak and french fries, and a purse full of a new Sephora eye shadow palette (SCORE!).

The next night I grabbed some reindeer antlers with bells, and toilet paper (the perfect hostess gift in my opinion) and headed to some friends' housewarming/ holiday extravaganza. Because I'm kind of getting anti-social with new people in my old age and I wasn't drinking, I stayed for about 4 hours and then headed home. The party when on for another 5 hours. So technically I left halfway through. But I still had fun. And learned how to phonetically get my team to guess the name of the prime minister of Britain during World War I  (Clement Atlee). It was my shining moment in party games.

So, now I'm a little holiday partied out for a few days. However, I did make Christmas cookies out the yang (yes, there's a lot of things coming out of my yang in this post) yesterday, as well as homemade wheat bread. And a lasagna the night before. And my Christmas shopping is done and shipped. So I think I'm in a good place.

How many Holiday Parties have you been to this year? What were the White Elephant or Dirty Santa gifts that you ended up leaving with?

A Taste of Hollywood

When I left Nashville a few years ago, I wasn't the only one. There were a few people at my old place of work at the same time and with that a natural changing of the guard. One of those who came in as I left actually moved to SoCal a month or two ago. We had mutual friends and a mutual place of work and had met before, but hadn't really hung out. 

Until last night. She and her boyfriend were gracious enough to come up to Hollywood from their place in Orange County. She called me a little before we were supposed to meet and said they got tapped on the street to come to a Jimmy Kimmel Live taping and did I want to join them? My office is only a block away from the studio so I made good time and we were able to go.

It was fun. I had never been to a talk show taping. The guests were Hugh Jackman, Carson Daly and some guy from the show Happy Endings, which I'd never seen. He was actually the most entertaining of the three. Here's what I learned from the experience:

• People will do almost anything for a $150 gift card.
• There are a lot of people who will gladly laugh at anything.
• I am not one of those people.
• It's hard and oddly tiring to clap and cheer for what felt like an hour of the two hour taping. 
• I may not be as in shape as I think since it hurt my upper arms to move my arms that much.

I had a great time and was super happy to have dinner and some drinks with my new friends afterward. I love how an ordinary-seeming day can turn into a memory if you just go with it. 

I Made a Friend Today

This morning started like most morning but because I was headed to the airport instead of work, I was in the gym a little later than normal. I walked in and saw a girl in a wheelchair that I've seen around the complex a few times. I nodded and then got on the treadmill for my workout.  I was 23 second from being done when I heard a crash. I looked over and saw the girl had fallen.

Apparently, I reacted quickly and calmly and was by her side to help in record time. I asked if she needed help getting back in her chair and she said yes, please. We figured out the logistics which at one point included me grabbing in between her legs and really close to her crotch to help hold down the chair cover while she slid back.

"Are you in the healthcare field?" she asked as she was back in her chair.

"No, why?"

"You were just so quick and calm in reacting. I really appreciate it. I couldn't imagine what I would've done f you hadn't been here," she said. "I'm Tiffany."

I exchanged names and we chatted a little longer. Turns out she's being followed now for a reality show on paraplegic women. She said she was glad they weren't here to catch this. Basically she was so lost in stretching she ended up tipping the chair over. I  wondered if that ever happened because I know if I were in a wheelchair I'd still carry my klutziness with me.

Anyway, I made a new workout room/ complex friend. I think I've met about 10 percent of the complex in that place and so far only one creepy guy. That's pretty good odds.

Playing Catch Up

I've been lazy lately. Well, lazy with a side of busy, which makes for a bad blogger. So in an effort not to feel this overwhelming nag that I hadn't updated in a while combined with the dread of having so much to update, I've decided to tell the story in pictures (and skim a lot of it).

I went to Chicago for business meetings. This was my view from the gym's treadmill. I love big cities.

Chicago on the morning of my meetings. It was a perfect day and despite about 24 hours in the city, I was reminded how beautiful it is. Now if it had been January, the love might have been a little less enthusiastic. This picture was taken a few moments before I saw a group of NATO protesters. I was able to scoot out of town before the mobs hit.

I couldn't be that close to Indiana without having a visit. I went to Indianapolis and Bloomington to see friends that I hadn't seen in 20 months. That's way to long to go without my girls. I had to chuckle when I went to Kroger (not Ralph's) with Amanda and saw these gallon jugs of nacho cheese on sale for $6. Who needs this much fake cheese?

The Friend Dilemma: I Need Your Noggin

I'm reading a book called MWF seeking BFF because it jumped out at me. I can relate. I'm married, in a new city and have friends--just not many that live within five states of me.

I've enjoyed the book and was really considering doing the whole "friend quest" exhibition in my own way. When I really started putting myself out there in Nashville, I met my writer friends, found friends outside of work, hell--I met my husband. All because I made a new year's resolution to not turn down any offer to do anything socially (unless I was already booked or felt like I could be in danger). A year of saying "yes" meant some awkward hang outs, but also some new memories and people that I really love.

I thought it might be that simple here. Just say YES to every invitation. But it's not. For one, there aren't many invitations. I don't know if it's a difference of not being in the South or being older now or what, but the invites to hang out haven't exactly flowed in LA. And then there's the husband factor. I already know a night with him will end up in a good time about 99% of the time, so that seems like a safer bet. But even with these factors, I know that I need to have more friends here. I'm just a social person. It's how I roll.

So here's the friend dilemma: I work 45 miles away from where I live. It's causing some unforeseen consequences that could be affecting my social life --or maybe I'm just not looking at things the right way. But to lay it out for you, typical first friend meetings happen over drinks or the like on weeknights. And herein lies the problem.  Here's how I currently see scenarios happening when I do get invites and want to meet new people:

1.  I can't meet people who live/ work in LA at a specified time after work unless that time is like 8 or 9 p.m. Traffic here is everything everyone says it is and more so I could get home at 6 or 9 p.m. depending on the day.
2. I have a hard time hanging out with work friends because if I choose to stay around here, I can't have a cocktail because I have to drive an hour home. 
3. If I don't have a cocktail, I don't want to stay past 8 because it takes me an hour to get home.
4. I get up at 5 a.m. every weekday morning because it takes me an hour to get to work (if I'm lucky) and I have to workout in the mornings or it doesn't happen. So this means I get sleepy by 10 each night.

Okay, people. You're smart. Help me with my friend dilemma please. Am I just being ridiculous or can you see my point? Either answer is acceptable-- with some explanation.

 

Reasons Why I Don't Want Peyton Manning to End Up At Tennessee

My friend and Nashville resident,
Patty Clements, sent me this
screenshot from the media coverage
of the Pope, I mean, Peyton's visit.

My Nashville friends will probably not like this. Most have been letting me know Peyton's whereabouts in town while he's been there. Frankly, I'm a little surprised he got a direct flight from Indy to Nashville because I never could (Yes, I know he probably has a private plane. I'm kidding). Here are my selfish reasons why I don't want Peyton to end up with the Titans.

1. He'd have to play the Colts twice a year. And while that may only be four games, it would be four very painful games for my psyche.
2. I couldn't imagine cheering for the Titans when they aren't playing the Steelers or Ravens. Those were the only two games I cheered for them on. Unless the Colts needed them to beat the Jags or Texans for a division purposes.
3. I don't live in Nashville anymore. How can he move to town when I've moved out??
4. If he signs with Denver, he will have to play in San Diego at least once and Oakland at least once, which exponentially improves my chances of seeing him play.
5. It would kill me to not work with the Titans any more (who were fabulous) when I would have had the chance to meet Peyton. The highlight of my time working with the Titans was meeting David Thornton, because he was a former Colt.

So, since Peyton reads my blog, as I know he probably checks in daily (why wouldn't he?), here's my plea to him: Please pick the Broncos. Sorry, Nashville friends!

If I were a little bit more courageous...

I like to think that I'm adventurous, but in all actuality, I'm not that ballsy. I wish I was, but I'm not. I carefully plan for things to happen and have only taken a few big leaps of faith, but even those leaps were calculated.

What has me thinking like this? Two of my close friends/ family members have recently started their own businesses. My cousin Doug and his wife Erin launched Janus Investigations. This is my cousin's second business. 

And my friend Terry Price started his own writing mentoring business, with some adventure trips on the side. How awesome is it to spend your time doing things you loved?

It's not like I don't like doing PR or even working for someone else, but I love seeing friends and family living out their dreams. Taking risks to do things that make them happy.  I love the thought of doing freelance work. Of my success or failure being solely reliant on my actions. But at the same time I know I'm too chicken to do it. I have faith in myself, but maybe I'm just a big chicken. For now, I'm happy doing what I'm doing and cheering on others.

It's very inspiring...and maybe one day in the future it'll be contagious. 

I'm An Award Whore so I'll Take it! (Thank you)

If I ate this award, I might die.

If you can't tell from my blog, I tend to be a goal driven person. Even if the only one who cares about the goal is me. And if there's an award for the goal? I'm so much more motivated. Even if the award is something lame like a sticker or a packet of M&Ms, I'll secretly pretend I'm not trying but in my head I'm all out willing to cut someone for it.

That being said, Sarah Elle Emm at "My Name is Sarah" nominated me for the "Irresistibly Sweet Blog Award." Nothing says sweet like saying I'd cut someone for a sticker, right? But I digress. I was actually very flattered and considering my last blog was a rant about what can be construed as misogyny, I have to say that I'm very thankful Sarah nominated me. I knew Sarah, albeit not too well apparently, in high school and after reading her blog realize that we may have gotten along better than I thought had I not been a big ball of anger and embarrassment who thought high school was merely something that needed to be endured. Sometimes I still think high school was the cornerstone of my mental toughness.

So, to fulfill my end of the nomination, I get to share seven things about myself that people don't really know and then nominate five other people. I think I can handle that so here goes:

1. I'm allergic to strawberries so the picture on the award actually scares me as I fear if I were to not be able to resist it, I could possibly die. Or at least lose consciousness because my wind pipe has swollen up. I found out I was allergic when I was forced to make a strawberry spinach salad for my friend Julie's wedding shower. I say "forced" because the organizer had pulled recipes for those of us helping out to prepare and bring. She asked me, who was morbidly obese at the time, to bring the salad, which I thought was incredibly stupid of her. You don't ask the fat girl to bring the salad. You ask the fat girl to bring baked goods. Because of this, I learned that I should've made my toffee chocolate chip cookies and that I can't eat strawberries.
2. I'm way more petty than people think I am. At least I'm more petty in my head than I am in real life and while I'd like to stop that, it's just a natural reflex. For example, when I see someone on Facebook or in real life that used to make me feel bad for my weight when I was younger and notice that they're now fat, I feel a sense of justice. Yes, I'm that petty. (And then I hear Chef saying "No one can make you feel something, Ashley. You let them do it." And he's right)
3. I fear that I might never finish my novel. I've been working on it off and on for more than five years--FIVE YEARS--and I know that I need to get it out before I start on anything else, but I fear that I'm never going to really get it out. No matter how many goals I set to do so.
4. I don't think the urge to have children will ever kick in with me and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Society tells me that I need to procreate, but I've rarely let society dictate my life goals so why start now. At this point, my furry kids are enough.
5. I'm secretly ashamed that I think of them as furry children because I do know the difference between a cat and kid  (I really do, I swear). However, I would rather look at 100 random cat pictures than one picture of a baby from someone I don't know or really care about. This does not apply to the pictures of my friends' kids because I love and care about them. They're all cute, but I have to say Miles, Nola, Josh, Jules, Elle and Emily have my attention and heart right now. And no, those aren't the name of my cats or anyone's cats.
6. I wish I could channel Dorothy Parker for even just one spectacular line of prose. And then I would repeat that line in everything I wrote or said for the rest of my life. 
7. Chef and I got married in July in a small civil ceremony, but we still haven't gotten wedding rings or taken a honeymoon. Mostly because I'm lazy and because we're still trying to save money to go somewhere really cool. (Chef's current front runner is the Maldives, but I fear it's still a little too expensive. I'd settle for Belize or Fiji or a European trek.)

Another thank you to Sarah Elle Emm for her nomination. Check out her blog and her books. And to fulfill my duties, I will gladly nominate those who actually do have some genuinely sweet blogs:

• Nicole:  http://nicoleabdou-destinationunknown.blogspot.com/ (a true adventurer!)
• Julie:  http://mommyandmiles.blogspot.com/ (the kid is adorable and the posts are funny-and honest)
• Mandy:  http://babystribling.blogspot.com/ (This mom has cute as hell TWINS and remains a fashion envy-- how the hell does she do it all???)
• Renee:  http://awkwardlystumbling.blogspot.com/ (Nola is one my favorite baby names and Renee is one of my favorite people)
• Laura:  http://jasonandlaurasullivan.blogspot.com/ (Seriously funny blog. I wish I could spew convincing sarcasm like Laura does.)

Okay, folks. Now it's your turn! Here are the rules:

1.  Thank and link to the person who nominated you.
2.  Share 7 random facts about yourself.
3.  Pass the award on to some of your own deserving blog friends.
4.  Contact those friends and let them know.

One Simple Rule for Talking to Me About Your Pregnancy

Over Thanksgiving I had like three friends who announced their (or their spouse's) pregnancy. I'm super happy for them and for the plethora of other friends who are having (or had) babies this year. I actually do love hearing about the trials and tribulations of having to squat out a watermelon that you've had sitting on your bladder for months. But there is one simple rule for anyone (coworkers, friends, neighbors, weird people standing in line at the grocery store) who wants to talk to me about your pregnancy. If you're going to tell me something intimate or gross, think twice about this rule.

If you would be embarrassed talking to me about the details about how the baby got in there, then I don't want to hear about the gross details of getting it out.

I don't want to hear the word episiotomy, horror stories about head size or anything of the sort unless you want to divulge details on the iddy diddy that got you into your predicament. I'm not your mother or even a mother, so I can gladly admit that I'm relatively stupid when it comes to pregnancy and don't want to imagine things about relative strangers.

I don't want someone talking about postpartum pooping at the water cooler or after delivery stretching in line at the grocery store (both of which are topics that relative strangers felt it necessary to educate me on).

If, however, you are one of my close friends for whom I would go or throw a baby shower for with fewer than 10 snarky comments or that I've talked about sex with or with whom I've had to use a plunger at their parents house (or in company of at the aforementioned parental visit), then all bets are off. There are no limits to which you can talk about the oddities of baby birthing to me. You are in the minority on the other side of the rule and I actually welcome your wisdom. (Although frankly may never need it for my own practice).