There are days when months and weeks worth of bad decisions seem to come to the forefront of your mind and sleeping then seems impossible. I've been having the last few weeks like this. None of my bad decisions were cataclysmic, or at least causing death or physical injury. Some cause hurt feelings and an increased waistline, but hopefully time and exercise and better decisions can help fix those.
There are times when I feel like I put work ahead of all else and start to feel exceedingly selfish. I'm not home enough. I'm not with my friends enough. I'm not writing enough. It makes me wonder if I'm hiding behind the job so as not to have to really live or if I'm just an overachieving control freak that has to do the best I can at things that are measured. If I put a goal to friendship that was measured bi-annually, would I be more likely to try and achieve than just to let it go?
And then there's the inner struggle of knowing that even if I make bad decisions, that doesn't make me a bad person. I'm still a good person that makes mistakes. And my mother always told when I was stressing out too much and losing my hair in high school (yes, I had a bald spot that time and cortisone injections helped cure), "There are few decisions in life that we can't unmake." I might eat chicken planks from Long John Silvers, but I can have a salad and try to make better choices today. I can be home in the 5 o'clock hour instead of the 7 o'clock hour. I can listen more and talk less. I can let things go. I can be a better friend. I can start today.
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