Thursday Thoughts

Here are some miscellaneous things that have popped into my head today:

Despite the placement of
the wooden stake, I'm
pretty positive that I
would've been impaled if
I had slammed into this. 

• Why can't I ever remember what biannual or biweekly really means? Is it every other week or twice a week? 
• While I generally think of being impaled by deer antlers as a fear, really it's just anything that could impale me while driving. (I stayed behind this pick-up for all of two seconds when it pulled in front of me today. Better safe than sorry).
• Why can't I seem to concentrate for longer than 15 minutes at a time? This has only started happening recently. How long does one have to watch Michael Bay movies before their attention span is shot to hell?
• Is Kim Kardarshian really just J.Lo 2.0?
• When will saying "2.0" finally fall out of fashion?
• Why does everyone think they can wear skinny jeans? Conversely, I know I look good in mine. And am slightly delusional.
• My cats fur has become silky soft after just a few days of changing diet, but my hair doesn't react when I change mine. That doesn't seem fair. 
• I make a mental note at least three times a day to turn off the "autocorrect" on my phone. I instantly forget said note at least three times a day about a minute after I think of it. 
• Why is it that comedians are always assholes in real life? 
• Should I buy a sodastream or is it a waste of money? Do any of my friends have one that I could rent for a week to see if I would use it?

When is it Fat and When is it Empowering?

I'm doing my usual blog perusal today and the talk seems to mostly be about what people were wearing or J. Lo humping one of her dancers. Or both. And while that isn't all that unusual, what killed me is that varying reactions to Kelly Clarkson and Christina Aguilera.

Both are bootylicious right now, but one is being heralded as a brave, sultry "Jessica Rabbit" figure and the other is a bandage-dress wearing fat drag queen. So, why is it that two women (and they're both adults) are getting such vastly different reactions for being roughly the same size? Is it because Kelly Clarkson said "fuck it" a long time ago and just admitted that her weight would go up and down so deal with it? Or is it because we got used to seeing Christina Aguilera as a skinny chick even after she was preggers? Or is it because Clarkson is nice and Aguilera is a known bitch?

I wish I had answers. Frankly, I think Aguilera looks bad in the dress. The Genie went out of her bottle a long time ago and there's no amount of Spanx or hair gel that's going to change that. She's 30. She should dress like she's 30 and not the 16 year old we all met when she first burst on to the scene. And that's okay. We like pop stars that age gracefully (note to J. Lo: That does not mean wearing booty shorts and leotards and dancing around Fiats). Also, I find the whole look wreaking of Snooki.

Who do you think looked better? Or maybe the better question in all of this isn't at all about who looked better, but who sounded better?



Or (she comes in at 2:16)

Perhaps This Will be the Official End of J. Lo

Following in the illustrious foot steps of Britney Spears, Jennifer Lopez is guest starring on How I Met Your Mother this week as a love interest for Neil Patrick Harris. There are so many things that confuse me about that sentence that I don't even know where to start. . . but I'll try.

Surely appearing as a guest star on a CBS sitcom (and I'm using the "com" pretty liberally here) will be enough to finish off a dying career of a star who should've remained in 1999, right? I mean, aside from whoring out her children when they're older and recording a duet with an even older and more aging pop star, this is the last call on J. Lo, right?? Can't we just all agree to that?

And then please explain to me how Neil Patrick Harris is a sex symbol and a chick magnet on that show. I realize it's not based in reality, but even before he came out of the closet, I don't even think the chick who played Wanda on Doogie Howser ever felt the attraction to him.

I don't get CBS at all. Then again, I'm not into procedural detective shows that are only like a decade old. It's got to be 20 years old and feature S. Epatha Merkerson for me to take notice.

So I'll guess I'll just watch more Tosh.0 (did I mention how excited I am to see Daniel Tosh and his casual jackets in person in April??) and hold my breath that Maid in Manhattan 2: Cleaning the Mean Streets doesn't get greenlit.

I Want Your Opinion. . .

Which is scarier: Martha Stewart's Halloween cover of Jennifer Lopez? Didn't we get rid of both of these ladies with the Bush administration?