Monday, December 20, 2010

It's Not You, California, It's Me. I'm Fat. . . Again

Because of the stereotype of California and the supposed abundance of great looking, skinny people, I was ready to feel bad about myself for weeks on end. That was wrong. There are plenty of good looking people here and a higher ratio of them than in Tennessee (not that there aren't plenty of hotties in Tennessee). But it wasn't the plethora of good looking people that made me feel bad about my appearance.

It was me.

When it comes down to it, it is always you that makes yourself feel good or bad about yourself. Whether its appearance, intelligence, affluence or status, its really your choice what you strive for and how you judge yourself. And normally, I feel pretty good about myself. After I lost the big chunk of weight a few years ago, I've been happy with my appearance. Some days happier than others. My weight goes up. I start paying attention again. I count calories. I find some exercise regime that I like. The weight goes down.

This time the weight went up too far. I'll be honest. Last week I was 34 pounds heavier than my lowest weight (post-puberty). That was a wake-up call. I was still pretty far from my heaviest weight ever, but that's not the best measurement stick. So, I started paying attention again.

I can't say I didn't enjoy putting on the pounds. It's hard not to when you're moving, especially across country. I had to have "one last meal" at all my favorite Nashville restaurants (that added about 14 of the 34 pounds). Then I just couldn't pass up all the great places we ate at as we were driving across the country. I mean we might NEVER eat at Sophie's Mexican Kitchen near the Grand Canyon ever again, right? (That added another 10 pounds). Plus breakfast is a soothing meal on the road and especially when you're "depressed" and "sad" for leaving, so a Croissanwich and hash rounds become you're morning hit of crack to get through the day (another 5 pounds). And lastly, there was the joy of the thousands of new restaurants to try here in LA. I mean, you HAVE to find the best cheeseburger, pizza and Chinese takeout in town, right? Right! So that was the last 5 pounds. And some of that weight can easily be attributed to last cocktails, first cocktails, wine, beer and the abundance of social drinking that comes with a farewell, as well.

So, now it's back to counting calories. Eating fruits and veggies at home. Hitting the treadmill at least 30 minutes once a day, if not doing some extra walking or running a second time. I'm determined to get lower than my lowest weight by next Christmas, so that I'm not complaining about my clothes being too tight. I'm complaining about them being too loose. I also don't want to be relegated to stretchy leggings and oversized shirts, cardigans and sweaters, like I tend to be sporting now. I'm only thankful that those types of clothing are in style now.

So for my own peace of mind and piece of self-confidence, I'm back in full force. Yes, it's a little crazy to do it before Christmas, but I'm going to take a break for ONE meal so that I can enjoy a celebratory meal out with Chef. But only that meal. I am determined that that meal will not become a trend or that the holidays away from home will not be an excuse to eat whatever I want, whenever I want.

Wish me luck.

Or join me! I'm using the My Fitness Pal App on the iphone--it's also a free logging website ( My username is Awrye.


Nicole said...

You can totally do it!

Mandy said...

Girl, I'm with you. I totally blow all diet out of the water when I go on vacation, and now you are in a vacation land forever! Its got to be hard. But, at least you are in LA, where healthy eating and exercising it the hot thing to do, unlike here. You can do it! but, still enjoy yourself and have those great eating-out days too.


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