And I Was Full

The last few weeks have been a struggle. For months I would start each week with that high ambition of making it "the week" that I get back on the wagon of watching what I ate religiously. And by about 3 p.m. Monday afternoon, there would be a bag of gummi bears on my desk.

For some reason, I just couldn't feel satisfied. I don't want to blame it on stress or being busy because I can't think of a person on Earth, who doesn't have those two words and all the feelings around them to justify any poor behavior. Something felt off and different. I didn't seem to be eating all that much more, but weight kept creeping on and for about three weeks I lost the feeling of fullness. It seemed like I could push myself to eat steadily without that feeling that prompts me to stop.

But the real motivation came when I was in the bathroom and closed a drawer on my stomach while leaned over the counter to do my makeup. It's pretty embarrassing to admit. I mean, I have typed a novel with my boobs without even knowing it (busty women out there can feel me on that one), but I've never closed a drawer on my stomach. Here's the scary part: I didn't feel it or realize it until I leaned back. I probably shouldn't admit that but let's just put you all in the frame of mind that I was dealing with when I decided enough was enough.

I knew I had to get a handle on things quickly. I didn't want to end up where I was at about seven years ago when I started my first weight loss adventure. I couldn't wait until I was well over 200 lbs before I righted the ship.

Plus I had enough encouragement from Chef telling me that he thought I had a slow metabolism because I wasn't eating that much. Maybe I wanted some validation, so I decided to go to a doctor and see what I could find out. I had a bunch of tests and it turns out the news was reassuring but also kinda crappy: turns out my metabolism burns about 450 calories less per day than it should.

The doctor asked if I had tried Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or anything else. In fact, WW was the last thing that I had tried about 2 years ago and it wasn't really effective--because even at the lower calorie intake, it wasn't low enough to overcome the 450 calorie deficit that my metabolism was bringing to the table.

I'm now working to "reset" my metabolism and am on a protein and plant-based plan to help drop some lbs again. I know and always know that battling the bulge will be a lifelong struggle for me, but knowing that doesn't make it suck any less.

Wish me luck. . .again.

I Think I'm Over the Hump on the Diet thing. . .maybe

Can you sense the confidence I have in myself? Today, I stepped on the scale, as I am apt to do about three times a week, and was down again. All in all, it makes 9 pounds since I got to California. Not too shabby considering I just REALLY started concentrating on the weight thing 3 weeks ago (down 4 pounds since then).

There's always that time period at the beginning of dieting (or as Chef reminds me "lifestyle changing") when you crave nearly everything in sight. For me it was alcohol and sugar. Which is virtually the same thing, when you really look at it. One just gives you a different kind of high than the other.

So, week one of the family challenge (did I mention that I'm in this with a bunch of awesome family members who are helping keep me motivated?), and I didn't lose any weight. As anyone whose ever dieted, ehm made a lifestyle change, can tell you, that first week holds a lot of momentum in it. It's the hardest to change because your old habits are just a day or two behind you. The bottle of wine you opened on Saturday or the cupcakes you made on Friday are now verboten. But the memory of icing is still lingering in the back of your throat.

So, you struggle through and are proud, but then the scale says nothing. nada. zip. zelch. zero. No change. How can there be NO CHANGE when you made all the changes? It just seems like a cruel joke and leads to depression. And depression for me leads to cupcakes. Or bread. Or wine. Or French fries. Or all of the above.

But you decide to give it one more week.

And then you see some results. You work out a little more. You eat a little less. It makes you feel better.

For me, the real hump is when I start to crave or let's be honest, just enjoy for a change, the "diet" foods. That means I actually make a point of cooking and eating veggies--brussel sprouts, green beans, romaine salads, broccoli, etc. Between that and the fact that our house is fully stocked with a healthy option to nearly any craving, I think I'm good to go. At least for this week!

One thing I'm very happy about is that I genuinely like exercising. It's not a chore. It's a habit and I feel so much better when I do it. And I know it.

9 pounds down. Another 30 in my crosshairs (that wasn't a Palin reference...or was it?).