It's On. . .Again

I feel like I do this every few months or even days, but it's back on again. What's "it"? The diet. Lifestyle change. Eating Better. Whatever euphemism you want to use for counting calories is what "it" is.

For me, I haven't done "it" in several months. Maybe truly a whole year. The good news is that I've continued exercising. So I haven't gained all the weight back. I'm just starting to look crappy in my clothes. Or even if I don't look crappy, I feel like I look crappy and that makes all the difference. Plus my closet is only half relevant because the other half of my clothes are too tight for me to be comfortable in.

And here's the thing. Or two things rather. 1) When you've been really overweight, okay, obese, and you lose a lot of weight, people think that as long as you haven't gained all the weight back, you're coming out ahead. While it's nice to have that cushion, I know that not going all the way back to that weight (well over 200 pounds) is not an option. 2) People are very polite when it comes to weight. At least to your face. It's the like the last taboo of society so it's not common to talk negatively about someone else's weight. Let me give you an example: "I've gained 10 pounds. I feel gross."

"I haven't even noticed. You shouldn't worry about it."

That's the conversation that millions of people have every day because we know if we were the one that says we've gained weight, we're really hoping no one else has noticed. And if they have, we hope they are polite enough not to say anything.

So, it's back to portion control, striving for five fruits and vegetables, and making better choices. Wish me luck again.

An Anniversary of Sorts

I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm 31 years old and I want my mom. I think the older we get, the more likely we are to admit that out loud. One of the differences is, and most of you know this, that my mother passed away. In fact, it was 10 years ago today that she died.

The weird thing was that this week, I was bopping through my life thinking "Wow! It hurts so much less now. I miss her, but this is going to be an easy one." And then BAM! Not so much. Ten years is a long time. In fact, it's a third of my life. It's weird to think that 10 years is about half of the time that mom and I had together. Even weirder to think of being only 42 and I will have lived as long with her as without.

And clearly it's hard not to think of the things that she didn't get to see. Her grandchildren, Chef, me actually losing the weight she had so begged me to shed. I also think of the things that would be different if she were still around. I probably wouldn't have moved to Nashville. I might not have met Chef. There wouldn't be cats in my house, as she was very allergic.

It's easy to be sad about it. Mostly I miss her and the things she brought to my life. You don't realize how much someone motivates you by their presence until its not there. Or how much you appreciate getting a package or card in the mail until they start coming less frequently. It makes me realize the things that were really important. And on most days I try to remember those things and not the others that seem to take up so much of my time.

But despite everything--and I know I'm not alone in this--, I have no shame in saying that I want my mom.

At Least It was A Straight Love Scene This Time

Clearly, I'm not the only one who has taken a shine to Eric Northman. What? You don't know who Eric Northman is? You must not watch True Blood. Because if you did, you'd know Eric Northman. That's not the actor's name--he's Alexander Skarsgard. Eric is the "bad" vampire (yes, a little redundant). As I was explaining to another fan and co-worker today, I really feel like Eric does the right things the wrong ways and gets a bad wrap for it.

Nonetheless, Eric mania has taken over America. He was the only one besides Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer that appeared naked on the cover of Rolling Stone. He's not listed on imdb's initial page of main characters. But I'm still digressing. The biggest problem I have with Eric's role in True Blood is that the first scene with him shirtless in a LONG time was a gay love scene. I'm not opposed to being gay (not that there's anything wrong with that--my Seinfeld homage), but it's a little disheartening when you've been waiting to see someone semi-naked and they are--just behind another man.

Chef is supportive of this infatuation in a way only he can be (a good way!). His take was "If Eric's gonna be naked, can he at least be naked with someone hotter than Anna Paquin so we both win?". It's a fair question and one that I'm hoping provides us both with a win-win situation.

On a separate less lustful note, has anyone else wondered what's become of Emilio Estevez? No? Just me? I guess that's why he hasn't really been heard from lately. Young Guns was on the dial tonight and it just got me thinking. I looked up his imdb entry and one of the trivia made me go "Huh? Really?". Apparently he was engaged to Demi Moore at one time. I wonder if she thinks of Emilio during sex with Ashton?

Things I Wouldn't Have Tried 5 Years Ago

I remember my mother telling me that my tastes would change and expand the older that I got. As a know-it-all kid, I didn't think they would. Of course, as it is with most things that I challenged my parents on, I'm wrong again. I do have to say that Chef has been the one who has expanded my horizons the most. Or myself. I mean, I will give myself some credit for making a concerted effort to try new things, live a healthier lifestyle and not just be the giant, shapeless bump that I could've easily been.

So, here are a few things that I've "discovered" (no, I'm not Magellan --or gelin'--nor do I think that I am discovering anything other than new-to-me things):

• Brussels Sprouts: Toss 'em in olive oil, salt and pepper and roast those bad boys until slightly crispy. Delish.
• Water: clearly didn't discover this, but actually start drinking it. Not until after a nurse was taking my blood on a finger prick and said "I can tell you don't drink a lot of water because it's taking forever to get a dot of blood." I don't know if that's true or not, but it did make me imagine that my blood was made up of Diet Coke.
• Sushi: I was just too chicken and a little too country to have tried this without Chef there to navigate the menu.
• Jogging: Who knew? I could jog for about two miles a day and actually enjoy it. And still do it more than two years later.
• Bellini's: I'm not much on peach, but add some champagne and you've got a winner. Although Chef made this, it's not too big of a stretch to make me like an alcoholic drink.
• Yoga: Okay, I tried it more than 5 years ago, but that experience did not make me want to try again. Mostly because I apparently got a little too relaxed during my first time. Now, I enjoy the lengthy stretching without self-consciousness.
• Fried Green Tomatoes: I normally hate tomatoes, but this just goes to show that you can fry anything and I'll eat it.
• Cats: Three years ago it took Chef about 6 months of leaving pictures of tiny little kittens on our computer desktop before I finally caved and said we could get one. I was determined to be a dog person. Turns out I'm a pet person. Obviously.
  

I'm sure I'll think of many more, but that's it for now. Anyone else got something they've added to their lives as an adult that I should try?

Why I Hate My Apartment Complex

It started with a call around noon. My apartment complext called my personal cell phone and it went a little something like this:

"Hello, Ashley? This is Chastity from Westmont apartments. I'm calling to see why you haven't paid your rent this month."

Me: We paid our rent this month.

C: I'm showing that your rent was due on the first and you haven't paid it.

Me (scrambling to my computer to fervishly sign in to my online banking): Hold on for a second. Actually, I did pay. My bank account shows that you all cashed my check on August 4th for the amount of XXX. The account number on the back of the check that you endorsed is XXXXXX.

C: Oh, it's not showing up in our system. There must be a computer error that shows your rent being due twice in a month. I'll call IT and have them fix it.

End of phone call.

As I was sitting there with my hear pounding, I started to get fired up. We have never been late in paying our rent in the 6 years that Chef and I have lived together. Six years in one place. Never late. But the company calls us 16 days past the rent day and 12 days after the late fee day to accuse us of not paying. And there's no "I'm so sorry for this" or any kind of apology. Nothing. So now I'm fired up and I can't let it go. So I wait two hours and then call her back to express how disappointed I was in how the situation was handled and it just made it worse. Here's how that conversation went:

C:Westmont Properties, this is Chastity.

Me: Chastity, this is Ashley LAST NAME calling in regards to my rent payment.

C: Now which apartment are you in again? I've made a lot of calls today.

Me: Apartment XXX in XXXX complex.

C: Oh, right with the computer error.

Me: Yes, that was me. I was just calling to let you know that I'm disappointed in how the situation was handled.

C: Excuse me?

Me: I know that you are probably making a lot of calls concerning late rent but I am hurt that we've been tenants for more than 6 years, hadn't missed a payment and weren't treated better.

C: I don't know what to say. I mean, I said I was sorry. It was a computer error. And, you say that I make a lot of late rent calls, but I really don't. So I don't know what you want me to say.

Me: Actually, you didn't say you were sorry. That's why I was calling you back.

C: Well, I am sorry and now I've said it three times in this call.

Me: I'm disappointed in the manner and tone with which you made the call.

C: I am honestly shocked because I didn't have any tone with your call. It was a computer error and we fixed it. I'm sorry. What more do you want? I didn't yell or scream or anything.

Me: I'm hoping you wouldn't ever yell or scream at a tenant. I guess I wanted a little courtesy for having paid consistently on time and for an apology.

C: I've said I'm sorry.

Me: Fine. Goodbye.

C: Goodbye.

The above is why we will not be renewing our lease at this place. And why if you rent in Nashville, I would NOT recommend any place managed by Westmont Properties.

I Never Thought I was THAT Girl

But apparently I am. Last night my cruelty reached an all-time peak with Chef. He was actually a good sport about it, but I'm still feeling incredibly guilty. I turned into THAT girl. The one who made her boyfriend watch Lifetime Television for Women. And not just for Project Runway. I don't feel the least bit guilty about that pleasure as everyone should watch and adore Tim Gunn.

It was a Lifetime Made for TV movie. One that I'm a sucker for. Mostly because it was about a chunky girl who's a writer who lost weight and what happened after that. Not that that's a whole lot like my life as I didn't make up a fake personality, write a book, or get to wear a fabulous pair of Christian Louboutins. Nor did I meet a man who loved me only after I lost weight. I met one who loved me either way. And he also loved me while watching the end of a Lifetime Made for TV movie. God bless him.

In my defense, I do watch ESPN WAY more than Lifetime. At least an 8 to one ratio. If I'm being conservative. More like 10 to one during football season. I'm just saying. . .

And He Took a Turn Towards the Ben Seaver

When I first pondered this the other day, I didn't realize that the actor in question was from Indiana. It almost seems sacreligious to poke fun, but at the same point, I can't pull my punches just because someone was born in the same geographic area that I was.

So, here goes. I wondered what the hell happened to the kid from Star Wars: Phantom Menace. The one who had to play Darth Vader as a kid. The second most hated character after Jar Jar Binks. It has less to do with Star Wars and more to do with the. . .did that kid die or what?

Well, he's still alive. Not working so much, but it seems like he pulled a Ben Seaver. It happens. You're a cute kid, but that doesn't necessarily translate into an attractive adult. I mean, the jury's still out on Dakota Fanning, but I'm leaning towards her making it. Jake Lloyd (aka Darth Vader) seems like he's more on the Ben Seaver end of the scale than Justin Timberlake.

Am I wrong?

It's 10 Seconds and It Makes Me Laugh for WAY longer

Tosh.0 aired their usual viewer video and it cracked me up. And just thinking about it continues to crack me up. So I thought I'd share the simplistic genius of Invisible Engine and the 10 seconds that split my sides. Enjoy! My gift to you.

Attack of the Tacky

I have never been a girly girl. I have never considered myself exceptionally high maintenance. But nothing will change that perception faster than a trip to Gatlinburg.

I had never been to Pigeon Forge, Gatlinburg, Dollywood or anything in that area. Not that I hadn't wondered about it, but Tennessee wasn't the normal destination for vacations in Indiana. I had a few trips to Nashville, but other than that, it was mostly Indianapolis, Florida or the grandparents houses. We had the extra special trip to the Cayman Islands too, and a trip to Myrtle Beach, but I digress.

So I didn't know exactly what to expect. And Gatlinburg was beyond my expectations. I went with two of my chicks for a quick girls' trip. Had we gone for a mountain retreat, the experience might've been different. But probably not better. I love the tacky. It gave me fuel for the snarky comments for the entire time I was there PLUS a blog entry and some good stories.

So we had a great hotel (thanks, Jules!) and after the 6 hour trip (normally 4, but the traffic made it like Spring Break '94), we got dolled up for a night on the town. The recommended watering holes were a brewery that was owned by Calhoun's and the TGIFriday's. Not a great sign.

My favorite points of the trip were the crowded streets with families where at least one teenager looked mortified and parents were determined to make some memories, dammit. There was a plethora of options for miniature golf, ziplines and dinner shows. But places that stayed open past 1 a.m.--not so much.

The best part of the trip was the time with the girls. But that's often the case, isn't it? The company makes the trip.

Mistakes I've Made This Week

While the mistakes I've made this week are numerous and probably a little long to list, I thought I'd take a stab at it while enduring my latest mistake. Here goes:

• Planning on making lasagna on Boot Camp night. I didn't get home until 6:30 and after a shower and prep work PLUS the time it takes to cook the lasagna. It's looking like it's gonna be nearly 9 p.m. before we eat.
• That leads to another mistake: not getting my morning or afternoon snacks. I was "too busy" and didn't eat lunch until 1:30, but that's not nearly late enough to sustain me until the lasagna's ready.
• Not getting a limoncello at Sole Mio on Tuesday when we were saying goodbye to Sue & Walt from writers group.
• Not picking up on the signals from a customer that I was getting the "I'm gonna pass you off because I don't want to directly tell you no."
• Daily freak outs over the amount of work that I have to do. It's a constant. The only thing I can do is change my approach to how I see it.
• Being too transparent and not transparent enough.
• The second glass of wine at the baby shower--mostly for caloric reasons--and also because I get to be a smart ass as well.

So, not a bad list. I'm a little concerned that two of my mistakes included liquor, but that's a random week and not a common occurrence.

Maybe I'm Not So Interested in Amsterdam

Chef got us a series from a foreign TV station that highlights the nights of Amsterdam. It's not really dirty. Mostly just a matter of fact account of the business of sex--windows in the red light district, online escorts and on-stage sex acts. Without seeing anything, of course, but it's fascinating to see the interviews of the couple that perform 5 live sex shows together 6 nights a week. That just seems exhausting. The way they describe what they do is not at all romantic-clearly.

And clearly the government has their hands in things. There are taxes on the prostitutes and the windows. They also provide extra police to patrol the area--which averages 40 arrests a night. The two patrolman have a good sense of humor. They seem to be often intervening between sex worker and client. It has to be a little bizarre.

The whole show is a little weird, very interesting, not at all sexy and totally putting me off on visiting Amsterdam, although I'm sure it's very little. It just seems surreal.

Mad For Mad Men

When we last left them, the group from the former Sterling Cooper were starting their own ad agency. And Betty was leaving. And Don was having his secrets unravel. It's the perfect beginning for a new season. Now the question is going to be...when will the new season start? Not literally when. That's easy. AMC has been hyping tonight since Breaking Bad ended its season.

But when in history? Remember how they messed us all up by coming in mid-Kennedy administration and then assasination was near the end of this season after the end of the previous season highlighted the campaign and debates? The great thing about Mad Men is the antiquated way it showcases the workplace. Women as secretaries who are naive to the ways of the world. Only unmarried girls who actually worked. Drinking during a meeting. Smoking indoors. It's a throwback to a time that seems so foreign to the modern work environment. It also makes me wonder what the future will think of how we work now.

The other great thing about Mad Men, of course, is the fashion. It makes me want to break out my pencil skirts (or buy some) and flaunt my curves. The show's costume designer is launching her own line on QVC. I LOVE it. Hope I think about it and actually go back in September to check it out. I'm not a big QVC watcher (despite my heritage--Mom was a HUGE fan), but there's always the web site.

Anyway, here's hoping that tonight's premiere continues in the pattern of the show that we know and love. At the very least, I'd like to see Jon Hamm continue his career for a while and since they gave him hook hands on 30 Rock, my dream of him being Liz Lemon's husband is out of the question. However, she did take my superior dream of having Matt Damon as a boyfriend and make that real.

I love TV. Maybe too much.

"She Thought I Could Handle It THIS Time"

Chef called me over tonight so I could watch a video from my home state. It made me simultaneously laugh and cringe. Apparently a guy exactly my age was arrested in Indianapolis for child neglect---because while he was playing a video game, his two under 2 years old children wandered out into the apartment complex near a busy street.

I'm not enough of a snob to think that this scenario couldn't have easily been replicated in Tennessee--in fact, it probably has been. What immediately I thought of was a scene in the movie Idiocracy where it shows the fertility of a below average Joe compared to the very intelligent couple who wants to wait and then can't conceive. The basis of the "de-evolution" of the movie.

The second thing that came to mind was the man's reaction when he was arrested. He immediately admitted to not being good with watching children. And then when asked why his wife left him with the kids while she was out of state, he replied with "She thought I could handle it this time." Tihs was one of the last thing's the reporter says in his story, and frankly I think he's burying the lead. If you flip it around, you can come up with a great lead story for The Onion: "Man's Wife Thinks He Can Handle Their Care This Time, Kids End Up in Street".

Seriously, there are so many laughable, cryable things in this story that I think I'll just leave the rest of it up for your interpretation.

I'm Not The Least Bit Sorry For Lindsay--And You Shouldn't Be Either

Seriously, I hope Lindsay Lohan serves every bit of her 90 day jail sentence. Of course, she won't. Most non-violent first time female offenders typically serve only 25 percent of their original sentences. But I'd still like to see her serve it all.

According to MADD, someone dies from drunk driving every 45 minutes. And most of those people who are driving don't have access to personal drivers or an entourage or enough money to buy cab rides from LA to New York for 1 million people.

We've all had moments where we've pushed the limits of driving and drinking. Right or wrong it happens. But what kills me with Lindsay is that she has had multiple DUI arrests over several years. And at least 4 stints in rehab. And a cocaine possession arrest. And the day before she's to go to jail, she checks herself in to a treatment facility---owned by her latest lawyer (Robert Shapiro--also known as OJ's savior and the spokesperson for legalzoom.com). There has to be a point where someone says enough. As a taxpayer, it pisses me off to think of how much time and energy our legal system has wasted in tracking her down, issuing warrants, arraignments, proceedings, and more. I mean, couldn't California just make Lindsay pay a percentage of their budget deficit? Could she subsidize the thousands of state workers taking massive pay cuts or losing their jobs?

To think that you're above the law, is ridiculous. I know it's the status of fame today, but I'm not sure it's just fame. I think it's primarily money. If you've got the money, you can get out of jail even when you deserve it.

Here's what I DON'T want to see. I don't want to see Lindsay doing PSAs for drunk driving or substance abuse. I don't want to see publicity shots of her doing community service at the Special Olympics. I don't want her publicists and lawyers trying to gloss over what she's done and spin it in the public with photo shoots. I want her to spend 90 days in jail. Not 90 minutes.

South Park Was Right Again

A few years ago, South Park did a spoof on Mel Gibson during an episode entitled "The Passion of the Jew." There's a whole story line where Kenny and Stan track down Mel Gibson to get their money back after having to sit through what they called a religious snuff film. Here's the part where South Park is right: They depict Mel Gibson as being bat-shit crazy. This was long before any "sugar tits" comments or any leaked phone conversation.

At the time it did what it was supposed to do: made us laugh. Mel Gibson was depicted in his blue Braveheart face, running around naked and saying crazy stuff. I wondered how mad Mel Gibson would be about it. But looking back it just proved that they were more insightful than I ever gave them credit for.

Seriously. How holier than thou do you have to be to think you can talk about women, races, religions and be so incredibly insulting and not face any public backlash? Everyone has the right to say whatever they want to say. It's a great freedom that we share. But with most freedoms there are unintended consequences. One of which is knowing that you may have the right to say anything you want, but it's not the best idea to always do so.

I'm Strangely Intrigued

First of all, I can only move my arms in small increments right now. Today's boot camp was focused mostly on arms and mine are paying the price for it. I actually benched more today at boot camp than what I maxed out at in high school. It wasn't a lot, but considering I could mostly just comfortably bench the bar, it was a step forward.

But I digress. So, I'm now torn. I thought I always hated Leonardo DiCaprio for being a smug bastard that only dated models and was not at all attractive. Now I'm torn because I love Chris Nolan as a director (Hello, I've professed my love of Dark Knight already), and I want to see his new movie, but it's got Leonardo DiCaprio. Then I realized. I actually like most Leo movies. How can this be? Ugh, I might have to reconsider my anti-Leo stance.

Two Things that Made Today Weird

1) For some reason the eyeliner I used decided today would be the day that it would smudge under my eye. This not only made me look creepy but also gave me the appearance of a fighter with a black eye for a good part of the morning until I went to the bathroom. All in all. Not a good look for me.

2) I was on my way to Lowe's to buy some rope (different story, different day) when I was behind a bright yellow Toyota FJ Cruiser that bore a Twilight sticker and a personalized Tennessee license plate with the word "Cullen." For those of you not in the know, or not caring, that is the name of the main vampier character family in the Twilight books.

I have been known to be a super fan of things (Anne, you don't need to mention Matt Damon, as I can "out" myself of being completely obsessed with him during my college years. And yes, I did go to two Backstreet Boys concerts --in my defense on that one, the beer lines were WAY short at those concerts.) That being said, I draw the line at having a personalized license plate or, as a separate matter, airburshing of any type. I also will not give naming rights to my children to a fictual character unless it's something cool and enduring like Scout.

Am I wrong?

Four Hours of Interrupted Sleep

I went to bed at the normal time of night last night. Laid there watching TV ("Million Dollar Baby" one of the best and most depressing movies around), and then made a deep concerted effort to roll over and go to sleep after two hours of watching TV. I went to sleep for 20 minutes, woke up and tried to go back to sleep. Did all the tricks. Relaxation. Meditation, clearing of the mind. All of it. None of it worked.

So I crawled out of bed and watched two more movies on the couch before Chef got up at 4 a.m. for work. I got back into bed (had the bed to myself--well, mostly. Some of the cats snuggled up with me.) I was up and down for about 4 hours. So all in all, I ended up getting about 4 hours of crappy sleep. And it took three frosty caffeinated beverages before I could start on the work that I needed to do. Nothing says professionalism like an error-filled presentation fueled from sleep-deprivation.

Oddly enough running on empty is a lot like being a little tipsy. I'm not nearly as sharp and it takes twice as long to do things. Fun! I'd try and take a nap, but I know that'd just screw me up for tonight. I hate having sleep problems, but especially when I'm not stressing out about anything in particular. I expeted it when I've got troubles, but it sneaks up on me when I'm okay.

And I'm not even in a frame of mind to go back

My work, the American Heart Association, had a huge push to our year end last week. It was a six state concerted effort to get the last bits of donations scraped from the sides of bowls and added to the cake of year-long progress. Baking started again the next day for this analogy. It's a bad analogy, but it works because this year we will spend the whole year preparing for next year. Meaning the money raised this year will be put into the oven and out comes something substantial. Sometimes its research, sometimes its community programs, sometimes its cool stuff we haven't even seen before.

All that is a long way to say that we're in a perpetual cycle that is beginning again. And I'm already behind. How can that be? I still have an open position so while I shift focus from my duties to cover the position, I lose ground on my job and while I'm focusing on the duties of my job, I'm losing ground for the open position. It's a battle that will only be won when the right candidate is found. Actually, it's a battle that will only be won about three months or so after the right candidate is found.

But I digress. That is all a long set up for me to say that I'm not quite ready to go into work today. It's Tuesday, but feels like Monday. If I had meetings scheduled back to back to back today, I might've called in sick and curled up on the couch to watch New Moon again to get into the mood to watch Eclipse. But it's a planning day. We have them monthly and its our time to graciously plan out what needs to be done and how we're going to do it. I must say that if there ever were a planning day that I needed to have, it's today's. And I'm now slightly more ready to go back.

Slightly.

Guess Who's Going on a Diet?

Nope, not me. Well, of course I'm trying to watch what I eat, but the real one going on a diet is Genghis. We took our little buddy to the vet yesterday because he had been scratching excessively at one of his ears. And as the vet tech tried to pull Genghis out of the carrier and struggled mightily, it was time to realize that Genghis is overweight. Don't get me wrong. He's a very muscular cat, but he's still a cat. And at nearly 20 lbs, he's put on a little too much weight.

During the exam we found out that his ear scratching was a bacterial infection. It was a little gross and a little reminiscent of my childhood when the vet pulled out the ear scope and it was covered in waxy build-up. I had an ailment as a kid that made my ears produce more wax than an average person. So I had to have my ears cleaned a LOT when I was younger. It sucked and I could relate to Genghis. Luckily, he just have to undergo some daily ear washings and drops for the next couple of weeks.

Of course, that will seem like nothing compared to his diet. Since we can't really just change Genghis's eating habits without affecting the other cats, things are a little hairy. Instead of the normal free feeding (leaving the food out all day), we are leaving the food out for an hour two times a day. When we picked up the bowls last night, there were quite a few meows of protest. In fact, the cats were more rambunctious and louder than normal last night.

I'm hoping that a week or so of the new routine will have Genghis looking a little more fit and the other cats not so whiny. Every single one of them has followed me around the apartment at one point today and looked up at me and Meowed as loud as possible. I'm not one who can talk with animals, but I'm fairly certain each one was saying "where the f*&k is our food?".