As he deadpanned into the camera and assured America he knew it was time to go, I couldn't help but think Brett Favre was at least a year too late in coming to that realization. I mean, America was ready to see him go about 3 years ago.
Look, Brett Favre owns a lot of records and sold a lot of Wrangler jeans in his day, but the guy sucked wind this year. If you ask most fans (except for Vikings fans), they would've preferred the guy left when the Packers went to Aaron Rodgers. Because after he left the Packers, Brett Favre went from "cowboy" and "gunslinger" to a joke. Him NOT retiring was kind of like the annual spurning of Susan Lucci at the Daytime Emmys. It became a farce of its own.
And while we're at it, can all the sportswriters, commentators, and anyone who makes a comment on Brett Favre, please refrain from calling him a "gunslinger". It's tired, old and not creative at all. Instead of "gunslinger" say what you really mean "A guy who can throw really hard and either is very accurate or an interception nightmare."
So, Favre says he's going to retire and we all want to believe him. We want to think that no idiotic teammates will make the trek to Mississippi and fluff his super big ego to make him think that his best year is just on the horizon. He just has to show up. No training camp or physical workout required.
We want to believe things about guys who've reached a certain level of fame. We want to believe that Brett Favre didn't sexually harass Jen Sterger or the two new team massage therapists that came forward today. We know deep down the truth probably lies between the wild allegations and the even wilder denials. There was probably some overly sexualized flirting and things that would get a C-level executive fired from a normal company. But Brett isn't a C-level executive and the NFL is not a normal company. (Plus with the ladies making the accusations in the same breath as they're trying to get settlements, it makes the allegations easier to brush off for the average or die-hard fan).
So Brett, if you wanted to avoid this ridiculousness, you should've taken the ego hit that Green Bay served you and retired without really playing for any other team. But you went to the Jets. You had an okay year. Then you went to the Vikings. You had one great year and one year that made fishing in Mississippi look nice.
But just because Brett Favre didn't listen to me or half of America, doesn't mean that there aren't a few lessons to be learned:
1) Never put your sexual harassment in digital form. Tiger learned that one the hard way.
2) If you're going to sexually harass someone, make sure it's a money-hungry, hot girl. Their stories will bring up the most doubts.
3) If 90 percent of the people you talk to are telling you something, don't do the opposite JUST because you don't believe in crowdsourcing your life decisions.
Bye bye Brett.