Getting To Know Me...Because I'm Lazy and Arrogant

I got tagged on this and I'm feeling a little lazy today for the blog posting, so I'll take the bait. I'll let you know everything you didn't know you didn't want to know about me.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:05
2. How do you like your steak? Medium/ Medium Well
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
4. What is your favorite TV show? 30 Rock, watch it even in reruns
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Europe, probably an English speaking part
6. What did you have for breakfast? Lower Sugar Maple & Brown Sugar Oatmeal
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Mexican, probably
8. What foods do you dislike? tomatoes, cilantro, cucumber
9. Favorite Place to Eat? Depends on the day, but I always love PF Chang's
10. Favorite dressing? Kraft Fat-Free Zesty Italian because Zesty is Besty
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? 1995 Toyota Camry named Cam Camry... still.
12. What are your favorite clothes? any of them that I describe as "my skinny" ____ (aka My skinny jeans)
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Europe, any part
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? mostly half full
15. Where would you want to retire? California
16. Favorite time of day? the time that I'm in bed
17. Where were you born? Evansville, IN
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? NFL football
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? I don't answer questions that aren't about me.
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? see above.
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? see #19
22. Bird watcher? No, it's kinda lame.
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? Used to be night, but now I'd have to say morning.
24. Do you have any pets? Yes, see plethora of cat pictures
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I'm 4 pounds awy from my lowest adult weight.
26. What did you want to be when you were little? a writer.
27. What is your best childhood memory? Going to kentucky lake with all my extended family for the summer
28. Are you a cat or dog person? Both, but I'm currently fully entrenched in felines.
29. Are you married? Not technially.
30. Always wear your seat belt? yes
31. Been in a car accident? Yes
32. Any pet peeves? lots. My current biggest annoyance are women who sit right next to your bathroom stall in a public bathroom when there are numerous empty stalls.
33. Favorite Pizza Topping? Pepperoni
34. Favorite Flower? Peony
35. Favorite ice cream? Cake batter ice cream at Maggie Moos
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Wendy's burgers, McDonald's fries, so Qdoba.
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None
38. From whom did you get your last email? Alyssa Evans (work related)
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Target or Macy's
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? No, I'm pretty boring.
41. Like your job? Overall, I love it.
42. Broccoli? Always and more.
43. What was your favorite vacation? Germany/ Italy trip
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Chef.
45. What are you listening to right now? The sound of two hands typing.
46. What is your favorite color? Green right now, but it changes.
47. How many tattoos do you have? None.
48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? Who cares?
49. What time did you finish this quiz? 9:29 a.m.
50. Coffee Drinker? When the mood strikes me. But for now, I'll stick with my water.

It's a Beautiful Day because U2 Told Me. . . Repeatedly

Today was one of the days that I look forward to every year because it's the day that I finish a big annual project. It's partly my fault that I have to do this project, because our interim VP asked if I had the ability to do it and I was too stupid to lie.

Sure, I could coordinate all of the pictures and successes of the last year and put them into a slideshow that timed up to music. The quest is: Do I want to?

Frankly, no, I don't. However, it's amazing what you can convey in 4 minutes of musically timed Microsoft software that can take you 30-40 minutes to explain. The slideshow is useful for the board, volunteer trainings, Heart Walk kick offs and has gotten WAY more play than the first year that it was primarily ignored at a cocktail party (which pissed me off to no end).

So seeing as I'm the primary user of this slideshow and that I don't think that anyone else cares enough to do it (or if they do, they haven't had months of training at GE in the intracacies of manipulating power point for ANY thing), I do it. It takes me about a full day or more to do and now it's over. And because of it, I'll have U2's Beautiful Day stuck in my head for the next 12 months.

Things I'll never . .

As I've aged, I think I'm coming to the point in my life where I give up on the silly notions or unrealistic ideals that I had as a kid. It got me thinking this morning about things I'll never be or do. While some people say "never say never," I've decided to take a stand.

I'll never. . .

• have an ass like Beyonce. It's Kansas flatlands in my pants, but I can make the flatlands more muscularly toned.
• be the early girl. I'm nearly always on time or late, unless it's for a movie, show or something that starts regardless of my schedule.
• have the type of body where I can eat anything I want and not gain weight.
  
• be able to turn away from a Colts game. No use in trying to get my attention.
• want to live in Indiana again for a long period of my life. It is fantastic to visit and I might end up eating my words some day, but I realize that I can find a home wherever I land.
• doubt the leaping abilities of Genghis, because every time I do, he exceeds my expectations.
• be able to work in healthcare industry on the caregiving side. It's too stressful and I know my heart couldn't take it.
  

Perhaps more later, but this is enough for tonight.

Not that kind of intern

One would think that years after the Monica Lewinsky deal that interns would have a different connotation than they used to, but not so much the case. In Nashville just last week, there's still some blowback from a Republican Senator who had an affair with a 22 year old intern.

But after all that, I'm still thinking there's something good to get from an intern. I was a good interna and I loved my internship. I'm hoping to provide the same opportunity for someone else. And get a lot of things done that I don't have the time to do myself. Because despite all my good intentions, if I can't get some help for the next year, I might have a nervous breakdown. Partly because the job naturally expands each year and partly because I'm a glutton for punishment and have a need to overachieve. If anyone has any advice on dealing with interns, I'm certainly open for it.

How To Wash a Cat

When Mila started walking around with a fume cloud following behind, we knew we had to break down and give her a bath. Being a long-haired and somewhat unable to reach all her tough spots, the smell was mostly due to some poorly placed cling-ons. Once one cat is washed, the non-smelly cats seem smelly because they don't have the shampoo fresh aroma. So, claws be damned, we washed them all. Here's how to do it without losing an eye.

1. Have a partner. Someone stronger and willing to get wet. Chef was my obvious choice as he owns the cats as well and they trust him. As much as cats can trust taller life-forms.
   
2. Be quick. It takes about 2 seconds to get clawed. It takes a few weeks for the marks to completely heal. I had a bowl and two large cups filled with water, ready to douse the suspicious cat.
3. For God's sake, let go. The cats go from trying desperately to get away (Chef holds them by the back of the neck to secure them) to being bundled, or rather swaddled straight jacket style, in a towel before they realize they've moved. They get praise and cuddles quickly before we let them loose on the house.
   

The whole thing lasts between 60-120 seconds.

It's kind of like when I washed my dog Pepper, except that he could never claw me and as soon as I let him go, he would find the nearest piece of furniture to rub up against until he was dry. The cats spend the next hour licking the spikey tufts of hair down. I'm sure one or all of them will leave us a nice hair ball vomit spot tomorrow as revenge.

But for now, I'm going to pick a cat and push my nose into it's muzzle to take in the clean smell.

How Do You Motivate the Unmotivated When You're Unmotivated?

I've eaten significantly less today, but I think that has more to do with the fact that I wolfed down some chicken nuggets and fries yesterday in my feeding frenzy. Now said menu items are sitting like a rock in my stomach and making an average day's food consumption infinitely less enjoyable. Although I'm managing to choke down my favorite flavor of Yoplait Light (It's lemon cream pie for the curious or nosy).

• Chef kicked my butt hardcore in the weigh in yesterday. I knew he was going to win, but I didn't think that he would beat me so handily in one week that my other weeks worth of work are now gone. He's ahead of me in the contest by less than 0.1%. Which means it's on. Of course, I think he's been lulling me into a feeling of security all these weeks and now just turning it on. Either way, I've got to stop eating or I'm going to be out some significant duckets.
• Second, I'm trying to motivate my co-workers for our Heart Walk team. We're getting schooled by the Walker Nashville Rangers right now (our competition) and as the leader of the Walka Walkas, I don't want to end up washing our opponents cars. Plus it would be nice to hit our company goal of $20,000. No pressure though. Help me out by sending me ways to motivate our team, cash or joining us. All would be appreciated and can be done here.
• Lastly, I'm getting motivated to go to the grocery store. I do it every week, so it's not that big of a challenge, but some weeks are tougher than others to get hyped up for. Partly because the produce section of our local Kroger is not all that fabulous. Everything else in the store is great and I know if I went to the Kroger in Green Hills, I'd have my choice of nearly all produce in the world PLUS valet parking, but I just can't do it. So, I go to the Harding Road (aka Ghetto Kroger) and know that I'll never have to struggle for parking but that the green beans will always have brown spots.

Any ideas from people on how to motivate the unmotivated when you're unmotivated too would be greatly appreciated.

On Days When I Feel Like A Porker

Today I am all about eating. Not even bad things, but just an abundance. Okay, so not the whole day, but there was a synapse that must have switched this afternoon that said "eat more food for no apparent reason". I tried to ignore it, but it wouldn't go away. I fed it some sugar-free chocolate and it was moderately happy. Now all I can think about are the soggy leftover Subway sandwiches in the kitchen. Soggy and delicious, but I'm trying to resist.

• Begging will get you a new phone if you first pay your dues by spending a minimum of an hour on the phone with tech people. It's the price you have to pay for having working technology.
• Role playing is only fun in the bedroom and even there it's not always a guarantee. While it is useful in sales strategies, it's never fun and I am lucky enough to be able to opt out because I rarely have to go in for the kill (at least by myself).
• How can "I thought I replied to that" be a legitimate excuse for someone over email? We both know that if you had replied I wouldn't have asked 5 more times because although I can be annoying, I am not in 10 year old autistic child. I typically only ask once if I get a reply.
• How many stages are there on the Tour de France? I think if it's less than 50, they should just quit because nothing says sporting event like three straight weeks of "Is Lance winning? No, (insert indifferent shoulder shrug here) okay."
• I used to think it was creepy that I thought Harry Potter was cute. Now I realize that there's a difference between thinking someone is cute and feeling shame AND having mad lust and feeling pride.
• I'm certain Chef will beat me in tonight's weigh in. And I'm hoping that by tomorrow, I'll care enough to eat less chocolate.

Still Sitting On Hold for Something

Today is my day to be pissed off with technology. Or at least not to marvel at how convenient it makes my life because it's making me spend half my day on hold waiting for help. In keeping with my bite-sized random theme, here are today's nuggets:

• A technology service rep should only be allowed to put a customer on hold ONCE to ask their manager for next steps or other things to try. If they have to put you on hold more than once, you should just get a replacement for whatever device you're calling about.
• My flexible spending account for healthcare expenses is making me verify a $300 charge to a hospital to make sure it was a legit expense. Do they think I bought $300 worth of flowers and stuffed animals from the gift shop?
• I have been craving chocolate chip cookies all day. My fabulous office neighbor and friend Laura shuffled a chocolate Fiber One bar my way, but it got me thinking about my favorite chocolate chip cookies of all time. Other than the skookie Chef makes, I'd have to say that Kalamata's, a Greek restaurant here in town, makes the best chocolate chip cookies around.

Where is the best chocolate chip cookie in your world and why?

Bite-Sized Being the Operative Word

So lately the idea of sitting down and writing a long blog post has scared me into just writing nothing at all. Yet, I'll twitter all day because 140 characters is way less intimidating. So in the essence of keeping the blog going in the true spirit it was meant to have, I've decided to go with shorter, more random information in a setting.

• At work, we have these posters on the bathroom mirror that say "You are the Key" but every time I look at them, I think that I am the keymaster and then feel like Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters.


• This is what happens when I listen to Paris Hilton and try to pose for pictures. I couldn't even keep it long enough to have a straight face. I look lopsided.
• The squash casserole I made for Laura's baby Shower was delicious because I loaded it with butter and cheese, which to me are the staples of all great female chefs (Julia Child, Paula Deen).
• I'm the Heart Walk captain for my office team which is tasked with raising $20,000 this year and I'm feeling the pressure. So if you're reading this, you're now obligated to follow this link and either donate to my efforts or join my team and convince others to donate. Go. Now. Or I end up washing others cars in the cold October sun.

Working for Fun

Last Friday we had a fun day in the office. Meaning that we were supposed to celebrate the dawning of a new fiscal year. It's so weird to actually have a new meaning to Happy New Year. This year it was like "Happy New Year!" said with a huge sigh on the end for two meanings: 1) being truly thankful to have survived what has been a tough year for everyone and 2) having survived and still have a job.

Both of those notwithstanding, it takes a lot of effort and planning to have a "fun" day. There's the obligatory theme, the planning of the secret activity, the coordinating of the potluck, providing favors for a kick off, cooking for the potluck and then bringing all the stuff in for the activity. There were so many details going through my head on Thursday night, that you'd have thought I was planning a wedding. Alas, it was merely a potluck and a scavenger hunt.

But after all that, there's still nothing more fun than watching your co-workers run around town in cowboy hats or oversized polka dot bow ties looking for a library or a hardware store. Except maybe the pictures that came from it all.

Then I had a group of volunteers that were meeting on Saturday for a social gathering and were nice enough to ask me to go along. They also said the magic words "Dinner and wine" and POOF I was there. It was an unusual group of ladies, ones that I wouldn't have met in any other way, but it just worked. So many backgrounds coming together to share stories. I learned a lot and had fun.

Of course, none of this was particularly helpful to my overall goal of kicking Chef's butt in weight loss, but despite travelling, cheating and drinking an occasional glass of wine, I still manage to have lost a few pounds in the last couple of weeks. Not as many as I could, but it's nice to know that I can live alittle and still not blow everything that I've worked for so far. (Which is a 4% to 1% percent weight loss lead so far). Now it's time to get down to business. I'm getting buff, but it's only supporting my eating habit. Damn you, tasty foods!

When You're Young, You're Crazy

It's true. When I was between 18-20, I was a loose cannon. At least, relative to how I am now. I think we all are at that age. No matter how mature we seem to be, there's always that part of us that is a complete whack job.

Luckily for any of the guys that I had a crush on, I did not have access to a gun. Not saying that I would've used it, mostly because I had a really big fear of guns (still not a big fan), but it could've made any situation that much worse.

However, none of that excuses a girl from shooting her boyfriend and then herself. It does, however, act as warning for all those guys who see a pretty young girl and think "that looks like a good idea." Because from all outward appearances, it does. Young, naive, willing to believe a lot and usually willing to overlook flaws like being married. Girls that age also haven't been faced with the biggest learning curve of all: "You can't change people." People can change themselves, but it's best to just love as is or not at all.

But guys, no matter how appealing it looks to date a girl barely legal, it's just not worth it. It is if you, as a guy, are also young and crazy. It's not if you are nearly twice the girl's age and infintely more rich. And if you're married or in a long term relationship that would take legal action to unbind you from, take the advice that my uncle says he lives by: "There's no sex worth half my belongings." He didn't say sex and was a little more direct, but the statement is true either way. And just good advice.