Tuesday, March 08, 2005

This bumper sticker will self-destruct

I admittedly don't understand people who use their cars as walking advertisements for schools, politicians, social movements and all kinds of other things. My mother and father never really bought into the bumper sticker scheme. I can't remember ever seeing one on either of their various cars through the years.

Perhaps I'm not that bonded in my convictions. I'm certainly not that attached to my hair color. But I can't seeing committing my car to something for the life of bumper sticker glue. Have you ever tried to scrape a bumper sticker off? It's easier to laser off a tattoo than to remove one of those bad boys. The only thing that would be on my car longer are the pine needles between my hood and the window that neither hand nor vacuum can get rid of.

I guess that's the reason that I'm still seeing election stickers on cars...from the Gore/Bush election. I also caught glimpse of a "Boycott French Products" sticker that had me longing for freedom fries. Have we outlived the usefulness of the bumper sticker?

It's purely my pleasure to know that your child is always honored at your home school or that the word of the day is legs: let's spread the word. But you'd think that with today's technology we'd find a better, less permanent way to express sarcasm.

Window clings do well, but are only used for parking passes and college alumni boasts. The car magnets were a good idea until every cause on the planet picked a color and made them into ribbons. If they were used as smart ass expressions of annoyance and elitism as they should've been, they might not be as annoying.

So, can there be a self-destructing bumper sticker? Something that will dissipate in a timely manner so that I don't have to pity the Howard Dean supporters and then replay his scream in my head. Or the gloating of the "W: Still The President" stickers.

I'm ready to move on. If only the bumper sticker wouldn't mock me.


Precious Schultz said...

I KNOW we have ALL worked at the mall (hell, some of us, ok ME, are still doing it!). Didn't your mall have the security men who would put stickers on your windows if you didn't park in the mall employee areas? i.e- out in BFE where, after closing the store at 10pm, your 16-year-old ass would have to walk out alone and avoid being raped.
If WE parked to close, we would get a sticker on our windows that would stay there for like 30 days so that the mall people would know if we didn't park in the right area again and would ticket us. I shit you not.
So they CAN make less tacky stickers that wear off after a few days. But I foiled them all by keeping my Porche so grimy the stickers would never even touch the actual car, and therefore could be pealed off with ease.
The bumper sticker I like most is the one that has a picture of a car and the phrase "my other ride is your mom." My brother really appreciated it when I put that on his van.

Ashley said...

I shit you not when I say that I saw my first magnetic Jesus fish this morning! Damn those crafty Christians.


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