A Bunch of People Here Who Love You Like Crazy. . .

Sometimes I think Chef and I are the only two people who still watch South Park. Then of course, there was the whole editing of last week's show and threat on the lives of Matt Stone and Trey Parker. So I know at least some Muslim extremists have heard of the show.

I have to say the rest of the world not watching is missing out. This season has been pretty damn hilarious. And this week was one of my favorites because it combined my love of Jeff Van Vonderen and Intervention with the hilarity of South Park and my favorite characters of Butters and Kyle.

And that clip doesn't even take into account some of the funniest parts of the episode. The only part I would critique South Park on is that the "Jeff Van Vonderen" character doesn't specifically say that "there's a bunch of people here who love you like crazy." Every true Intervention fan knows that line is a prompt in the at-home drinking game version.

I'm not buying Jessica Simpson without Make-Up. Do you?

I like the idea behind Marie Claire's magazine focus this month--a celebrity on the cover supposedly without any make-up, retouching or hair styling. However, I'm not buying it completely. I realize that celebrities are mostly better than average looking people. But here's the thing. I've never had a day with skin that even on it's own. And I don't think I'm alone. I realize she's been a spokesperson for Pro-Activ and therefor can moisturize her situation nicely, but her skin's just a little too even.

What do you think? How much work was done on this picture?

Day Three - A Test and Triumph

Is it weird or self-fulfilling prophecy that I'm writing more in my blog about writing more in my life? Either way, I'm doing both. And today was the biggest test of the three days. I had to get up before the sun to get the writing and the running in. But I did it. And I still outlasted Chef, who is asleep on the couch as I type.

Of course, he has to be asleep on the couch to allow me to watch "Glee". He thinks it's funny, but hates the singing, which is kind of the whole thing. I mean it is based on a singing group of teens. But who doesn't love Jane Lynch? I also love the dimwitted blonge cheerleader. She has great one-liners. This week's fave "I think my cat is reading my diary."

My cat doesn't read my diary because it's online and Genghis's lack of opposable thumbs make navigating the web difficult. Turning pages aren't even an option. Oh. And he's a feline.

Day One-6:05 a.m.

I got up 30 minutes earlier today and got some things started. Yesterday I put my novel all into one document. Sounds simple, but it's not so simple. It made me see all the holes I have in it and how much more there is to do. Which is nice because it's only about 160 pages right now and has some serious progress to make before it can be considered a first draft.

I got about a page written and while it was a nice start, it's not nearly the progress that I need to make. However, the one side effect I didn't quite bank on was thinking about the portion I was working on throughout the day and wanting to open it back up tonight to work on. I think it's just the rhythm of routine. Or the promise of it. Once I stop working regularly on writing, it becomes this insurmountable thing that I'm not doing. Not doing it is more guilt-inducing and makes me feel worse than plopping down crap. Because at least crap is something and can be like a mind-enema.

Hopefully I feel as productive at the end of day 30.

Bad TV on a Sunday Night

Seriously. Without football, there's not a lot on Sunday night TV. I'm relegated to old Reese Witherspoon movies and the Style Network. If I could get Chef to sit through Jerseylicious without bitching about it, I'd be watching those tacky ass Jersey girls tonight. Instead, I'll wait until he's asleep like I usually do.

Can anyone tell me what's up with Jersey lately? I mean, when did tanning until you're an oompa loompa and wearing loads of accessories become the new it thing? When will there be some Hoosier love for the moderately dressed, sensible decision-making girls who work hard and try to accomplish things of substance? Oh, right. Never. I guess that doesn't make good TV. One thing I will give the girls of Jersey is that they squeeze their chunky asses into lycra without a second thought. They think they're sexy even if they are squeezing their size 12 ta tas into a size 8 dress. It's actually nice to see some ladies with boobs and curves on TV. If only they would keep their mouths closed.

Things I Decided Today

I'm over being sick! Hopefully I didn't say that prematurely, but today I'm doing well and sounding like a girl again. And the last couple of days of being overwhelmed, overloaded and overexagerated had me thinking. I need to remember why I love life on a daily basis. And not the typical reasons, like that I bought something or that I get to see Chef. While those are both lovely things, they depend on other people to happen. And when it comes down to it, there are only so many things that we can actually control in a day, right?

I mean, I can't control anything other than my own actions and reactions. So I've decided to try a little experiment. I get up early every week day to jog. It's my time. Now I'm going to get up 30 minutes earlier to make sure I do something else I love each day. Whether it's working on the novel that never seems to progress more than a few pages a month or writing a blog that can be ignored for months on end or reading some fiction for fun, I will do something for myself that I enjoy. And it's going to be active--not watching TV, because I do that enough.

And it has to be the morning. Once the day gets geared up and I'm in work mode, it's too easy for me to beg off things I love doing for myself because I'm tired, busy, don't want to be in front of a computer or I need to spend time with Chef.

So here it is: 30 days to start. 30 minutes earlier. I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm Sick. This Sucks.

Yesterday I started feeling like poo. Not horrible, but sore throat, weird stomach, no taste for anything and a low grade fever. I powered through because I'm loaded up at work and had commitments for volunteers to fulfill. If they had been for my own purposes or even for co-workers, I probably would've begged off. But there's a different sense of obligation when you're doing something for someone who's donating their time.

Woke up today feeling worse than yesterday. Still no appetite (which is an instant sign I'm sick because I'm hungry pretty much no matter what), chills, fever, weird stomach and fever. Again, powered through for work because I already had tomorrow scheduled off for a mental health day. However, about halfway through the day I started with an annoying throat tickle that lead to coughing. And there's the mental fatigue that has me crying at every little thing that seems to go wrong.

So I'm bowing out of boot camp, staying parallel to the floor at home instead of at writers group and planning on spending all of tomorrow sleeping or doing some lounging variation. I am probably the worst sick person in the world. I'm whiny. I'm emotional. I'm horrible company.

The one bright thing is that Chef is the master at pampering me--especially when sick. He cooks whatever I want. Offers to make trips to get orange juice and soup. He's fabulous. Even when I'm not.

So now I'm signing off from the couch! Wish me luck getting better.

I'm A Virtual Slacker. . .but not so much in real life

It's sad that Chef looked at me last night as he checked my blog (which he frequently does) and said "You haven't blogged this MONTH."And sadly, he's right. Not because I don't have anything to say. But mostly just not the energy to say it.

Then I looked at my facebook profile and realized that I've not been super active on there either. That's pretty bad considering I can update status and all that using my phone. I just haven't.

However, it's been a nice month. On Sunday, Chef and I went to see Daniel Tosh. In case you don't watch Comedy Central, he's got a genius show called Tosh.0. It's brilliant, he's funny and the stand up was a good time. The only thing that would've made the show better. . .okay two things: 1) not having to cram onto a bar stool because the place was sold out and 2) not having to hold my pee for the last 30 minutes of his set while laughing my butt off. It's hard enough to hold my pee under regular circumstances, but that was just too much.

Other than jamming three seasons of The Tudors into the last 6 days, I've been working. As usual. This time of year is crazy and we all bust ass until the end of our fiscal year on June 30th. Between pushing to that, my entertainment for the night just unveiled itself in the form of the glass of red wine Chef handed me and the new litter boxes with doors we just put out. You know your cats are large if you get the "extra giant" sized boxes. It'll be interesting to see who will be the first to break in the litter boxes. I guess interesting is actually a relative term. . .

Sometimes Politics Make Me Sad

Today for work I went to the Tennessee Legislature. The American Heart Association is a part of the Tennessee Obesity Task Force (we're against obesity, for the record). Today was the task force's day on the Hill.

Seeing politics in action fascinates and saddens me. I'd never lobbied for anything before I worked for the AHA and I kind of wish I had seen the process in action in my home state of Indiana just to see the differences. Nonetheless, it makes me both more cognizant of who I'm electing and frustrated with politicians. Not the process so much, but the people in it.

Just like politics and religion are taboo to talk about in mixed company, I feel both are the same in another aspect. Democracy and religion are both perfect ideas. When you factor in the human element, they become a little more muddled--but also more beautiful in their imperfections.

Let me explain--at least on the democracy front. Today I watched our state's commissioner of health give a very eloquent synopsis of the state of obesity, how Tennessee fares on the front (poorly, by the way), and the bills going before the House that might impact Tennessee's obese adults and kids. She testified directly in front of a representative with a liter bottle of Mountain Dew. It was kind of humorous.

The other thing that bothered me was the the lawmakers didn't know the laws they had passed. I realize that A LOT of laws are debated and even passed in the House or the Senate, but I really expected that those that were signed in to law would at least be remembered. Clearly that wasn't the case as one representative was lamenting the fact that there was no required Physical Education in schools. A few years ago the issue was voted on and it was made that90 minutes per week of physical activity was required--not PE. PE is guided by trained teachers. Physical activity is not. Some schools were counting passing periods for their students to get to the 90 minutes. I think I was more upset because requiring PE is up for vote this year.

But all of this makes me realize that I can't hear this stuff without wanting to debate it. I have a hard time being able to play the game of politics. Which is why I am better left to voicing my opinion--either with my vote or my persuasive abilities. And why I encourage everyone else to too.

I've got a case of the slightly foaming at the mouth

In a typical year, I would be suffering on this Monday morning with a basketball hangover. I would have bleary eyes, too much pizza and the need to clap my hands together and say "Let's get fired up!" repeatedly throughout the day.

You see normally I would be suffering from a case of March Madness. However, this year's Madness has not hit me so deeply. I can't say that I'm not affected at all. I did sit in a parking lot between meetings and listen to Murray State hit the game-winning shot against Vanderbilt. And I do have a tendency to flip over from my regularly scheduled program at commercials to check scores incessantly.

And I know how I'm doing in my bracket (poorly, by the way). I do root for the underdog unless they're playing a Big 10 team and the my loyaltly lies with my conference. However, the tournament takes on a slightly less thrilling endeavor when you're team's out of it. Being a Hoosier fan, it's not many years of my life that my alma mater has failed to make the tournament. At one time, they had the second longest tourney streak (behind Arizona then. Now not so much for either team).

So for me, March Madness is kind of March Sadness. However, it's not nearly the sadness that hit me after the Superbowl. I still can't even talk about that one.

Soon NBC Will be Show Crazy Guys

I thought I was alone until my friend Julie commented on it too. What the hell is up with the programmers at TLC? With Jon & Kate Plus 8 off the air, have they tapped out their creativity? Not enough ridiculously large families to follow with TV cameras?

In case you haven't seen them, TLC is launching two new shows: Addicted and Hoarding. Aka a crappy rip off of A&E's wildly successful Intervention and Hoarders. Watching the promos makes me think back to the movie Coming to America. The part where Cleo McDowell (played by John Amos) explains the difference between his restaurant McDowell's and McDonald's ("They use a sesame seed bun. We use a poppy seed bun. See?"). TLC is using poppy seed buns.

I mean, unless Jeff Van Vondern is telling me my family loves me like crazy, it's just not worth it. Besides, I know that Chef loves me enough to know that if it's the off-brand Interventionists coming to talk to me, I'd totally scoff and demand Ken Seeley show up before getting help.

And if I'm expected to clean up my house, then it better be a clinical specialist in hoarding that helps me and not some generic specialist that wanted some attention on TLC.

Am I alone here? I'd be ripping on NBC if they suddenly green lit a show about Chicago Ad Agency workers in the 60s and called it "Crazy Guys" or "Ad Dudes". It's just so uncreative. I mean, it's not like there aren't other topics to do on reality shows. I think non-profits and the crazy things people say to people who work there could fill at least a couple seasons just for Nashville. For example, the American Heart Association (where I work) has to have a line on our answering service that says "If you're experiencing the warning signs of a heart attack, please hang up and dial 911." Our front desk has also had to walk someone over the one block to emergency room because they were having chest pains. That's one episode right there!

I'm just saying. . .

I Don't Mind Driving Any More

I had to head up to Rivergate this weekend to run an errand. Normally this type of trip (about 20 minutes away) would've taken a prayer and enough shaking to have my ovaries turned upside down. Now it's not so bad. In fact, with a radio, cruise control and smooth rides, I actually liked it. I am looking forward to warmer weather and rolling the windows down with music blaring as I roll.

I even got Chef to take a ride with me to Walgreen's. It's actually a good thing, because for the next couple of weeks to come, I'll be riding back and forth to Murfreesboro (aka The Boro). I'm covering the area until I get the position filled that covers the area. It's those things that I forgot about when I was longing for management experience. But in the end, I just think of how grateful I'll be when the position is filled again. And I think about how much better I understand things now. Not the strategy, but actual execution.

So, riding around in my new car has lost none of its appeal. I hope I still think so after 47 more payments.

Perhaps This Will be the Official End of J. Lo

Following in the illustrious foot steps of Britney Spears, Jennifer Lopez is guest starring on How I Met Your Mother this week as a love interest for Neil Patrick Harris. There are so many things that confuse me about that sentence that I don't even know where to start. . . but I'll try.

Surely appearing as a guest star on a CBS sitcom (and I'm using the "com" pretty liberally here) will be enough to finish off a dying career of a star who should've remained in 1999, right? I mean, aside from whoring out her children when they're older and recording a duet with an even older and more aging pop star, this is the last call on J. Lo, right?? Can't we just all agree to that?

And then please explain to me how Neil Patrick Harris is a sex symbol and a chick magnet on that show. I realize it's not based in reality, but even before he came out of the closet, I don't even think the chick who played Wanda on Doogie Howser ever felt the attraction to him.

I don't get CBS at all. Then again, I'm not into procedural detective shows that are only like a decade old. It's got to be 20 years old and feature S. Epatha Merkerson for me to take notice.

So I'll guess I'll just watch more Tosh.0 (did I mention how excited I am to see Daniel Tosh and his casual jackets in person in April??) and hold my breath that Maid in Manhattan 2: Cleaning the Mean Streets doesn't get greenlit.

This is What It's Like to Have a Life

This week has been hectic. Every week is hectic. And I've had about the same amount of work to do. And I still feel like I could work 24 hours a day and still not get caught up.

But this week I had a life. I didn't spend every night at the office until 7 or crank up the computer at home at night . . .at least not every night. Instead, I did a lot of things with Chef, and for the most part it was time better invested.

On Wednesday, he and I went to a Scotch tasting. The thing I learned most is that I'm not a big fan of scotch. It was pretty good Scotch, according to other people there, but mostly it was nice to get out in public with Chef on a weeknight and have fun. We were with others, but also mostly a couple because the majority of people there were several decades older than we are. We both left knowing that we'll be going to more tastings in the future (hopefully in the wine and bourbon arenas).

Then last night not only did I go to boot camp and writers group, but when I got home because I didn't have to work on Friday, I got to hang out with Chef until well after midnight, catching up on the Must See TV comedies that I'd missed while at writers group, having some beer and being together.

Today, I continued the self-pampering by sleeping in WAY longer than I normally would, getting a manicure, going to lunch and seeing the BODIES exhibit with Chef. It has been nice to have some time to feel normal. It makes me want more. So I know that I have to carve out more time for myself in the future (more manicures are now a given) and push back on things that can eat up my time for now real reason.

I've got to get a backbone and know that I'm not being selfish, but acting in self-preservation.

It Does Not Rock, It Sucks, It Sucks

Wow. I know that Charles Barkley was a man whore, but the Taco Bell commercial has really crossed the line. I mean, he's almost in the sphere of Gene Simmons with that one. It must take a good agent or a big ass ego to think that he could rap effectively enough to sell some tacos.

He used to be known as the "Round Mound of Rebound" and now he's just a round mound. Sir Charles, what the hell were you thinking? I would be remiss if I didn't mention Lamar Odom. I'm sure this was exactly the kind of endorsement deals he was hoping for when he married the big

Kardashian (aka Khloe). This probably paid for the marriage so anything else he gets will be BONUS money.

I don't understand all the promotions between athletes and fast food. The NBA and Taco Bell, McDonald's and the Olympics. How many athletes really down a bunch of fast food on a regular basis? Will sweet chili dipping sauce give the edge to win a bronze medal? Will cinnamon twists and tacos improve my vertical?

Look I understand that some athletes eat fast food. I've been around enough NFL guys and had to direct them to NOT mention that when talking to kids about nutrition and physical activity. However, the idea that a burger is going to give me the competitive edge is what led to me being 80 pounds heavier.

Okay, maybe it was the french fries and years of self-delusion.

A New Addition to My Life and Budget

It was bound to happen. In fact, last week Chef told me to bite the bullet and go car shopping. I didn't listen to him, which he has pointed out, and therefore was left in a minor panic attack that had to be witnessed by upper management at the AHA.

It started on Thursday morning when I went to pick up a friend who was, oddly enough, having car trouble of her own. My car had been having some noticeable transmission issues (namely getting out of first gear), but this morning was different. This morning I couldn't get it up the hill near my house. By some miracle, it got us to work. I knew that I would use my Friday off to shop for a new car. The decision was made.

I didn't have to drive it during the day, but when I hopped in to leave I could back out fine, but couldn't go forward. The Cam literally not move another inch forward without the aid of my friends and a visiting manager from work. All the while I was crying hysterically trying to figure out how to get home and to a dealership. Nothing spells desperation like pulling up in a cab.

After about 5 minutes of crying and the logic of my friends and co-workers, I got a ride to the car rental place (a mere two blocks from work) and rented the cheapest thing they had. It was a Chevy Cobalt. I got in and felt the luxury. That's when I started realizing how many things had gone wrong with the Cam.

Chef and I spent most of Thursday night researching cars, our budget, and trying to see where we wanted to go to find my new vehicle. Then after a night of ambien-induced sleep, I got up, got nervous and went to Church's chicken. Nothing says big purchase like stress eating. So I had a chicken biscuit. It was delicious.

We headed to Petsmart to get cat food and then to Carmax. I had narrowed it down to three moderately priced models the night before. It was going to be a Toyota (I mean, it did last me 15 years despite the recalls), a Honda or a Nissan. After three test drives and some serious debate, I had made my decision. I was the proud new owner of a 2009 Nissan Sentra.

I got a reliable, used car that only had 13,000 miles and one previous owner. It looked and smelled brand new without the new car price tag. It is perfect. At least in my eyes. After riding around in a 1995 Camry for the last 10 years, there are some things that are normal for a car today that are a luxury for me. Here are some examples:

• A radio-The cam lost it's radio two years ago by blowing a fuse. The junction box was located directly behind the dash and would've required too much labor to make it worth the effort.
• Getting out of the passenger seat-the inner door handle didn't work to get out. You either had to wait for me to be chivalrous or roll the window down and let yourself out.
• Getting into the driver side- The lock had been stripped because of a bad key copy.
• Oil and automatic transmission fluid use-despite no discernible oil leak the car needed oil and ATF to be added to it every other day.
• Transmission- for the last month or more, the cam needed to be really warmed up to be able to shift between gears
• the loudness- Chef was embarrassed to start my car in the morning because of how much noise it made so early in the morning
• no back lighting on the odometer, speedometer-the fuse that took out the radio eventually took out that too. I had a taplight that I used to see my speed and gas after dark.
• shocks, suspension--my car shook between the speeds of 60-70 mph on the highways and interstate

Seriously, it is a pure joy to know that the car that I'm heading out to in the morning will start, will run with no problems and that I can plug a phone charger into. Plus it's pretty and didn't break the bank. I hope I'm just as happy once I start making payments on it.

The buying experience wasn't nearly as fearful as I thought. Carmax was great, the salesguy wasn't pushy and I got my car relatively easily. They financed quickly, but what I appreciated was that my salesman recommended a person to give me a better rate somewhere else. I went to his suggestion and got a 3 percent break on the interest. It's enough of a deal to make me go back to Carmax again.

Now I need your help naming him.

The Good, The Bad and The Olympics

Is anyone else simultaneously excited and dreading the end of the Olympics? I mean I'm not the biggest Winter Olympics fan, but at the very least if nothing else is on I can put it on and be entertained.

There are some questions that come to mind. First of all, when did Korea and China get so good at ice skating? I mean whether it's figure skating or speed skating, they seem to take it very seriously and be good. Am I the only one in the dark about this?

Does anyone else feel like it's cheating for the US to have snowboarding in the Olympics? When I think that, I then think about the fact that softball was taken out because the U.S. was too dominant and I get pissed.

Why is it that I can live without curling for four years but toss it on MSNBC at 3 p.m. on a Saturday and I'm all in? Suddenly I become an expert on technique and strategy because I watched it for 30 minutes, which is about 25 longer than the average person.

How come hockey isn't the biggest sport in the Winter Olympics? Was anyone else surprised that the US-Canada game was relegated to crappy cable?

It Started Off Bad and Got Progressively Better

There was a time not so long ago that I would've woken up and gone outside to a flat tire and it would be over. My day would be predetermined to be crappy and my mind would be made up. Thankfully, I have Chef. And with him I know that even if my tire is flat and I end up being 10 minutes late for a pre-meeting, I have him to count on.

He came outside when I ran back to the apartment and knocked on the door with a loud "HELP ME!" whine attached. He stepped right in, told me not to help too much, not because I couldn't or wouldn't but because he didn't want me to get dirty. In 10-15 minutes, I was back on the road, as good as it was before.

It's been more than five years that we've been together, but it's mornings like these that make me more appreciative of him than ever before. I hope that 5 years from now (and WAY past that) that I always remember to be thankful for the little things he adds to my life, as well as the big things.

Because he turned that flat tire into a good reflection instead of a crappy day.

My I Don't Have To Run Day

When I was a kid, I dreaded Sundays. There was never anything on TV (It was before I became a football fan) and it was the day that we didn't really do anything. Now Sundays are my favorite day of the week. And this one particularly.

Since I had yesterday free, I was able to do my errands then AND had a fabulous night with my stepdad Jack, his fiance Sara and Chef. Jack and Sara came into town for my birthday, and we went to Ruth's Chris. It was my first time there and will not be my last. The steak was awesome and covered in butter. Which makes me think back to Julie & Julia and the revelation that butter makes everything better. (Except for your arteries, but that's a different scenario all together). Everything was delicious, down to Jack's Banana Cream Tart. Yummy.

Then we went to the Patterson House, which has become a frequent haunt of mine lately. Chef and I went there on Tuesday night for our late Valentine's celebration. It was just as good this time, as well. Plus Jack had said that he's never been to a place like it. When you can introduce him to something new, you've found a good spot.

But I digress. After a lovely evening, I was happy to climb into bed. Where I've been spending and plan on spending the majority of the day. No errands. Only have to put finishing touches on something for work. I only ventured out of the bedroom this early because Chef told me that I needed to watch The Time Traveler's Wife so he could delete it. The joke's on him, though, because it's not where it's supposed to be and I can't watch it. I did, however, manage to watch 6 episodes of My Life as Liz. I have to say that the promos made me uneasy and the fact that it was on MTV made me even more uneasy, but it's a pretty good show. Enough to spend two hours watching, I guess.

So now, it's back to bed and maybe later I'll make some taquitos. That's pretty much taxing the limits of my ambition for the day.

It Only Took Me Three Times To Get Through the Door

It snowed again. Damn you, mother nature. You can be such a bitch. I realize you're nicer here than in the Northeast, but still . . .

I wore rubber soled flat boots today in hopes that they would shield me from falling. Unfortunately, I forgot to factor in my klutziness into the equation. I was walking up the sidewalk into my boots and despite noticing the layer of ice, I still didn't really pay attention to it. . .the first time. I promptly fell right on my face. Then I tried again. And fell again. The third time was the charm.

However, an hour later I walked two blocks to my doctor's office for an appointment to find out that they had closed the office. So I promptly walked back to the office and yet again had to face the icy uphill sidewalk. Despite a different tactic, I fell two more times.

So basically my shins are bruised to hell and I wore flats for no reason. DAMN YOU SNOW!!!

Perhaps this was nature calling me to a winter sport. I was watching Ski Jumping and think that my Wii Fit skills would translate into Olympic Gold. A 31 year old can totally make it to the Olympics, right?